- Drink a bottle of Murphy's Oil Soap?
- Call your mother-in-law "satan's cunt" to her face?
- Jump into a pool of pork drippings and earwax?
- Rub baby oil all over Rush Limbaugh's naked body?
- Wear mittens made of pubic hair?
- Watch reruns of "Who's The Boss?"
- Fuck a marmoset?
If you said yes to any of these, you're an idiot. Don't you know they sell those fucking things at the store? Jeez.