Testing The Limits Of The Free Market...

How much do you think the U.S. would let the White House go for? Like, say some country offered us a trillion dollars, would we take it? Ten trillion? I mean, we could always build another one and have a shitload of money left over. Plus, when you build the new one, you could fill it with all sorts of kick ass new shit. As I understand it, a lot of that crap in the current White House is pretty old.


Movie Faves...

My pal, Geo, tagged me looking for my top five favorite movies. I decided I just can't do this one without altering the format. It's too damn tough for me. So, I'm going to break it into four categories and give my top five for each.

Top five dramas:
-Star Wars: I know that most people consider "Empire..." the best of the bunch (and it is phenomenal, no doubt), but for me "Star Wars" was the one that had the biggest impact.
-The Godfather: Just so freaking good. You know. You've all seen it. Tell me you've seen it!
-Gandhi: Like Frank, I'm a big fan of the grand David Lean films and although this isn't Lean's work, it's Lean-esque in its scale. Kingsley's performance is transcendent. Plus, Gandhi was pretty awesome.
-On The Waterfront: I think Brando's performance is one of the best I've ever seen here.
-Goodfellas: What can I say? I love me some mob movies. Sorry to be a copycat, Frank.

Top five comedies:
- Dazed & Confused: I guess this qualifies as a comedy, but it's really so much more. The character studies and different subtle interactions make this a film I can watch anytime.
-Office Space: I've already talked about this one HERE.
-Best In Show: So many great bits. Fred Willard steals the show.
-Animal House: Another "anytime" movie.
-The Big Lebowski: Like "Dazed...", this is pretty much a comedy and it's magical.

Top five foreign films:
-Battle Of Algiers: A riveting film that plays like a documentary about the Algerian revolt against the French during the fifties. A must-see considering our experience in Iraq.
-8-1/2: Didn't like it at first, but it's lush and beautiful.
-City Of God: Gritty film about gang life outside Rio.
-Fitzcarraldo: Epic tale of a crazy guy in the Amazon. Beautifully shot.
-Amelie: A fun, feel-good movie. Audrey Tautou is cute as a button.

Top five documentaries:
-Grey Gardens: I talked about it HERE.
-Fast, Cheap, & Out Of Control: I talked about it HERE.
-American Movie: A story about an average dude and his dream. Great portrait of a true midwesterner.
-Chain Camera: A great piece of verite where high school students were given free reign to film their lives. Great stuff.
-Baraka: Who knew a film with ZERO dialogue could be so captivating. It may not be classified as a documentary, but it's close enough. Amazingly beautiful. See it if you haven't.

An Update On The Move...

Remember that pic of the loaded moving truck? As of this morning, it's officially empty. It arrived on Tuesday and we just let it sit for the first day without unpacking a thing. Wednesday, Megan made a huge dent in it while I was at work, leaving just some big pieces of furniture and some books and a few other things. Yesterday, a buddy of mine from the bike tour company I worked for came by to visit. Little did he know he'd be wrangled into moving the most cumbersome remaining pieces. First, we had to get my son-of-a-bitch sofa-bed down to the basement. It was a rat-bastard to move and there was a lot of cursing. Next, we moved Megan's sweet-ass couch in, as well as a large wooden breakfront. Yesterday also marked the beginning of internets connectivity at my house. I'll now be able to blog from the aforementioned sweet-ass couch.

Thanks a bunch for the help, Emmanuel (he's Canadian so he can't help but be friendly)! And thanks for the Oberon, too!

My Stomach Is All Gurgly This Morning...

Good thing I found THIS RECIPE.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. God bless the internets!


A Memory Test...

Round about seventh grade, I was way into the WWF. I am now going to try to remember as many names from that era (professional wrestling's "Golden Age") as I can. I swear I am using no internets aids for the sake of this post.
  • Hulk Hogan
  • Andre The Giant
  • Rowdy Roddy Piper
  • The Iron Sheik
  • Nikoli Volkov
  • Macho Man Randy Savage and manager, The Beautiful Elizabeth.
  • Leapin' Lanny Poffo
  • Junkyard Dog
  • The British Bulldogs (One was Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake. The other, I believe, was Greg "The Hammer" Valentine)
  • Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat
  • Koko Beware
  • Hillbilly Jim
  • "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan
  • The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart, Jim "The Anvil" Neidhardt, and manager "Mouth Of The South" Jimmy Hart.)
  • Jake "The Snake" Roberts
  • Mr. Fuji
  • "Classy" Freddy Blassie
  • The Fabulous Moolah
  • "Mean" Gene Okerlund
  • Gorilla Monsoon
  • George "The Animal" Steele
  • King Kong Bundy
  • Jesse "The Body" Ventura
  • Captain Lou Albano
  • Big John Studd
  • Terry & Hoss Funk
  • Sergeant Slaughter
  • Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka
  • Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
That's all I've got. Tell me who I missed, not counting the modern day schmucks they've got now.

Eight Is Enough...

My pal , WP, nailed me with an "eight things you don't know about me" tag. At this point, I'm not sure there's anything left you don't know about me. I'll give it a shot, though:
  1. I can't stand it when people use bad language. I find it extremely offensive.
  2. I attend religious services three times a week. I do it to make sure I don't have any trouble getting into heaven.
  3. I watch an average of four minutes of television per week.
  4. I own an "O'Reilly Factor" jacket with matching "O'Reilly Factor" mittens.
  5. My favorite leisure activity is going to the mall.
  6. I look amazing in swimwear.
  7. I'm beginning to think we were right to invade Iraq.
  8. I never lie.
I know a bunch of you have done this one, but if you're stuck for something to write, consider yourself tagged.

A Bullshit Adage...

You can't tell me "A watched pot never boils". Of course it does! Remember, you have to turn the stove on, dummy!

Sure, it might seem like it's taking forever, but eventually it'll boil, whether you watch it or not. I guarantee it.

I suppose the pot itself doesn't boil. I don't know if most stovetops can get that hot. But if we're talking about what's IN the pot - water, for instance - yeah, that'll boil.


Things Were Looking Up...

Just when I thought my political malaise would render me useless and preclude me from providing you with the comedy you so richly deserve, I was heartened to learn that none other than comic legend Gallagher was headed to Northern Michigan for a one-night only appearance this Friday in Cheboygan. If ever there was a cure for the blues, it's Gallagher and his giant hammer, "Sledge-O-Matic". Anyone who can make a career out of smashing produce for thirty years and having people laugh at it has got to be a comic genius.

You can imagine my dismay when I found out that it's billed as a "No Sledge" show. WHAT!? No Sledge! Are you fucking kidding? That's like Jack Benny without his violin or Carrot Top without his steroids. Where's the fun in that? Does he just get up on stage and stand there? I already bought a brand new poncho just for the occasion.

So, I guess it's back to sulking. Fucking Gallagher...


I need to remember...

Deep, cleansing breaths.

Join me, won't you?

I Don't Know If It's The Summer Heat...

...but my blood is boiling. First off,


You are trash. You are hate incarnate. In fact, I have to give you some credit. Your hate has inspired so much anger in me that I actually feel ashamed of the effect you've had on me. In this regard, you have been successful.

Shame on all of you that provide Ms. Cuntrod with a forum on your little news shows and your little talk shows. How dare you try to pawn off this gutter-mouthed bitch as some legitimate political mind whose opinions we should value or even consider. How many more ludicrous, venomous things must she say before you sideline her? Ask yourselves this, you greedy executives who know that a dose of Coulter means a little extra dough, are you serving the interest of humanity by promoting her ideas? Are you proud of yourselves? I imagine you don't care, as long as you make your yacht payments. Sleep tight knowing how much good you are doing, m'kay?

Fuck you Chris Matthews. I'll never watch you again, unless you apologize for ever having Coulter on and for saying that she is a great writer. You, sir, cannot read. She is fucking awful, even by right-wing hack author standards. Why don't you have me on? I'll lie and call people names for free, you fucking nitwit. Better yet, have Charles Manson on to talk about politics. He's equally nutty and I bet he'd draw even better ratings than Coulter. I mean, as long as integrity is not an issue, go hog wild!

I'm sorry for all this. I'm really not an angry person. I'm just so tired of it all. I wish I was the type of person that could just ignore it or at least let it go. I'm trying real hard, but people like Ann and Dick Cheney and O'Reilly make it so damn tough.


Proof You Don't Need To Know The Constitution To Be Vice President...

So, if it's true that Cheney admitted he is not part of the executive branch of the government, does that mean we don't have to bother trying to impeach him? Can we take the statement as his resignation?

This fuck-ass fuck is such a shitcock it's stunning. Any claim he might make in the future that he loves our country or that he treasures our democracy should be treated as the steaming pile of crapulence that it is. He does NOT love democracy. He LOATHES it. He thinks he is special. He thinks he knows best. He thinks he's in charge.

He is not special. He doesn't know best. He may know worst, but not best.

Most importantly, he's not in charge. Contrary to everything they and the media might suggest, WE are in charge. He must answer TO US. If he chooses not to, he must leave. Case mother-fucking closed.

The Post Where I Get Put On Every FBI & CIA Watchlist There Is...

I have this neighbor. His name is Freedom Jones. Yeah, I know. It's a pretty unusual name. Anyway, I have one of these "Gorilla Ladders". It's really nice. It's versatile. You can use it as a step ladder or an extension ladder or even modify it to use as scaffolding. Freedom asked to borrow it one day. I told him, "Sure, use it whenever you like." After all, I strive to be neighborly. Now, maybe this was my first mistake. I mean, I said this assuming that he'd return it when he was finished AND that it'd be returned in the same condition as when he borrowed it. Well, he NEVER fucking returns it without me having to ask him. Plus, last time I got it back it was all sticky, like his kids had been eating Popsicles and gotten them all over their hands and rubbed them all over my fucking ladder! Gross! On top of all this, his goddamn dog barks constantly and shits all over my yard.

I can't stand Freedom. In fact, I think I hate Freedom. He was OK at first, but now he's a total prick.


After Listening To It In The Car For About The Five Hundredth Time...

I am prepared to inform you that "Talking With The Taxman About Poetry" is a great fucking album.

Don't Let The Picture Fool You...

It is my great pleasure to add Bubs and MizBubs to the list of bloggers I have now met in person.

They both have killer personalities...

Getting Something Out Of My System...

I've always thought former professional baseball player, Joaquin Andujar, had a mellifluous name.

Perhaps mellifluous is the wrong word. Melodic?

I just really wanted to use the word mellifluous.

Let's See How Well Your Sarcasm Detectors Are Working Today...

I really love seeing orange road constructions barrels lined up for miles
and miles
and miles
and miles
and miles
and miles
and miles
and miles
and miles
and miles
and miles
and miles
blocking off a lane with no visible road work being done whatsoever.

It's like they want to give one-half of the highway a vacation or something.


Movin' On Up...

Well, everything is packed and headed north. We did one of those pack-it-yourself deals where they bring the truck, you pack it, and they deliver it. When they drop the trailer off at my house, we unpack it. As you can probably tell, it was a workout.

We look forward to seeing y'all in Chicago Saturday night! I hope anyone who's around can make it. One more time, I'm thinking after 6 PM, Club Lago, corner of Superior & Orleans. All you lurkers should come, too, and reveal yourselves!

And Flann, sorry our trip didn't take us through Canton. We'll have to Tiki another time!


The Orator...

While visiting Thomas Jefferson's University Of Virginia Rotunda, I was inspired to give an impassioned speech about the fragility of our nation's democracy. I spoke at length about how we as citizens must be vigilant in order to prevent tyranny and despotism. I explained how we must be prepared to lay down our lives for the preservation of liberty and justice.

Then some sweaty dude with a fanny-pack and a bottle of Pink Lemonade Snapple told me to shut the hell up and that I was ruining his vacation. I felt bad, so I left and tried to find a decent putt-putt golf course.


Let Me Ask You This...

Have you ever, in your life, heard anyone who was disgruntled say "Harumph"?

Didn't think so.

By the way, do not misconstrue this post to mean I am in any way disgruntled. I've been having a great time in Virginia. It was just one of those things that popped into my head.


Virginia Bound...

Alright, my little cherubs. I am off to what some refer to as the "Cradle of Democracy", the Commonwealth of Virginia. First, I drive to Chicago to then fly to Norfolk to connect with Megan, then we drive to Charlottesville to attend my dad's wedding. Then we go back to Norfolk to load all her shtuff onto a truck. Then we head west toward Chicago. Then Michigan.

I will try to post along the way if I can. I'll miss you all terribly until we talk again.

If You See 'Em, Buy 'Em A Shot!...

These two little Monchichis turn 21 today.

On second thought, have them buy YOU a shot. They've got more money than God.

Greedy bitches.
Imagine that.
Expecting your poor ass to buy them a shot when they could buy the whole damn bar.
The nerve...

He Did It Again...

The Daily Show continues to set the standard for political analysis. I'd love it if we made our presidents answer questions in front of Congress like they do in Britain. Listen to the last bit. I did a post about this very issue way back in August of last year HERE. For the last time, Dickshine, it's not your government!!!

Does Anyone Know...

Are the Cubs mathematically eliminated from the playoffs yet? I have to admit, I haven't been paying attention.

It wouldn't surprise me if they've somehow managed to get mathematically eliminated from next year's playoffs as well.


Where Do YOU Go For Drinks?...

Some people call it a bar.
Others call it a tavern.
It might also be referred to as a saloon.
I've also heard taproom, alehouse, lounge, and watering hole.

I prefer hootchatorium.

I've Heard All I Need To Hear...

Will you people with your dinosaur fossils and your "scientific data" knock it off with all this evolution bunk. I ain't buying it.

The only science book (or any book, for that matter) that I need is the B-I-B-L-E. That's the book for me! Everything in it is verified fucking fact. I know this because God wrote it. Duh!

The Dump...

Don't worry. This post isn't about poo.

I get to take a truckload of crap to the dump today. Whee!

It's always a great feeling for me to purge a bunch of unnecessary shit from my life. It brings back memories of when I drove a garbage truck for a suburban park district. It was one of those little garbage trucks and looked like this:

It was actually a pretty cushy assignment. The two of us assigned to garbage detail were autonomous and could go where we wanted. We could usually hit every park before lunch. Since I was driving, I could drive up alongside a piece of trash in the middle of a park and make sure it was on the shotgun side so that my partner would have to get out and pick it up. When the truck was full, we'd make the long drive out to the dump. Granted, coming into contact with garbage juice each day was a little unpleasant, but overall it was a nice summer job.


Another Recommendation...

There's a reality show on the Discovery Channel I don't often watch, but I'm glad when I catch it. It's called "Cash Cab". I like it because, unlike most reality competition shows where you have to consciously make an effort to apply and hope you get chosen, this show gets unsuspecting people to participate. You don't get the typical media-whores looking for their fifteen minutes of fame.

The concept is simple. People get in a minivan-style cab, expecting a normal cab ride. Lights start flashing and the driver/host tells them they're on a game show. If it's a set-up, the people are very convincing with their shock. They must answer questions until they reach their destination. If they miss three questions, they are booted from the cab wherever they are and win nothing. The questions start out really easy for $25. They get harder and the value goes up, first to $50, then to $100. There is also a "red light challenge" where they shout out things belonging to a certain category (the one I saw was members of the "Rat Pack"). If they get them all, it's good for $250.

If they make it all the way to their stop without missing three questions, there's a "video bonus question". They have the option of going double or nothing on it, but they must decide before they hear the question. The people I saw took it and ended up winning $1100! I like it because the questions aren't too hard, but hard enough that you can't just breeze through them. It's good-natured, candid, and fun.

OK, Chicagoans...

After reading all the comments, I've decided to make an executive decision.

The blogger get-together will be held at Club Lago on the corner of Superior & Orleans on Saturday, June the 23rd. We'll say anytime after 6 P.M. People can come for drinks or dinner or both. I mean no offense to the Jury's crew. It's just that Lago is a known commodity for me. Plus, I think it's nice to get you guys out of your place of employment for an evening. Club Lago is conveniently located by an El stop. Directions can be found at their website.

We can always bar-hop if that's the concensus. I hope to see people there if you can make it!

If You Like Movies...

...and you haven't seen it yet, add "Touch Of Evil" to your list. This is film-noir at its finest. It's got everything: explosions, corrupt cops, alcoholism, prostitution, narcotics, guns, and LOTS of darkness. Orson Welles is unbelievably good as Hank Quinlan, the 300+ lb. corrupt cop. I put his performance up there with Brando's in "On The Waterfront". He's able to bring subtlety to a larger-than-life character. It's beautifully filmed as well. My only beef is they went a little overboard with Heston's make-up.

Thanks, Vikki!


It Was A Very Good Year...

Tomorrow marks one year since my first blog post. I will let you be the judge as to whether I've accomplished what I originally set out to do.

I've heard plenty of criticism of blogs and bloggers. I've been told bloggers are nothing but a bunch or narcissistic basement-dwellers who think people actually care about the mundane things that happen to them in their daily lives. I wish the people that feel this way could have the experience that I've had. They might feel differently. With that, let the sap-fest begin...

I would've never expected that this silly blog could've had such a positive impact on my life. Because of it, I have been able to reconnect with old friends as well as discover new ones. I have laughed my ass off, been educated on various issues of the day, and been exposed to lots of great new music, books, and movies (I'm watching "Touch Of Evil" tonight, Vikki). I certainly never would have thought I'd meet someone and fall in love. It's really been a great thing and I thank you guys for the part you've played. In fact, I'd like to thank each of you semi-individually:
  • Thanks Erik & David (Nevada Thunder), for finding great political shit for me to read.
  • Thanks Grant, for getting me into blogging in the first place.
  • Thanks Frank, for being a great friend.
  • Thanks Echo, for keeping Grant in his place and for all your work with GEWS.
  • Thanks Flannery, for being one of my original readers and for welcoming me into your home.
  • Thanks Vikki, for some of THE most incisive political analysis I think there exists on the internets.
  • Thanks Anne Altman, for the whole "quantity not quality" approach to blogging.
  • Thanks Marni, for the "Lost" recaps and for being one of my longest visitors.
  • Thanks Beth, for almost welcoming me to Atlanta. Some day it'll happen!
  • Thanks Megan, for taking a chance on a dork from Michigan. We're gonna have a blast!
  • Thanks Big Orange, for some really thought-provoking material (and occasional nudie pics).
  • Thanks Lulu, for hanging out in Chi-town and for entertaining us when we come to visit you wherever you may end up.
  • Thanks Kristi, for putting the "ho" in hockey and for making me laugh often.
  • Thanks Jen, for being my long-lost twin sister.
  • Thanks Amy, for recommending that one song (Metro). I still haven't tired of it!
  • Thanks Phil, for keeping things under control in Elmhurst in my absence.
  • Thanks Boob Lady, for forgiving me for ruining Christmas.
  • Thanks Zed, for coming back!
  • Thanks Geo, for the razor-sharp pop culture critiques.
  • Thanks Teri (Peach Pit), for being one of my most consistently complimentary commenters.
  • Thanks Nobody, for everything (and nothing).
  • Thanks Sans, for that kick-ass billboard a long time ago and for always keeping me guessing.
  • Thanks CP, for some really excellent stories with a lot of humor and heart.
  • Thanks Val, for all the York High reminiscing and your love of "The Office".
  • Thanks Slinger, for being the first person to link to me out of the blue.
  • Thanks Gizmorox, for knowing what it's like to live in a heavily-touristed area.
  • Thanks Johnny Yen, for great insights into politics and music. "Start The Revolution..." is waiting to be watched.
  • Thanks Hootch, for being hilariously vulgar.
  • Thanks Melissa, for a great dinner in Manhattan. I hope Africa was fun!
  • Thanks Sharon, for coming out with us in Chicago and for knowing "rock saves".
  • Thanks Genn6, for recognizing the greatness of Walter Payton.
  • Thanks Elizabeth, for joining the Moose Lodge so I can check it out next time I'm in town.
  • Thanks Doc, for being my Tiki ambassador.
  • Thanks Dale, for many poignant tales and for being Canadian.
  • Thanks Bubbles, for liking your nickname and for keeping zoning boards honest.
  • Thanks Dave, for some really outstanding bad art.
  • Thanks Mombi, for keeping things funny and servin' up fresh bullshit.
  • Thanks K.I.D., for all the hilarious relationship tales of woe. I could relate to a lot of it.
  • Thanks Dick Small, for not permanently booting me off your blog. You crack me up.
  • Thanks Scarlet, for being my only visitor in the southern hemisphere.
  • Thanks Cherry, for blogging more lately and keeping things "proper".
  • Thanks May-B, for being another Canadian reader and liking my humor enough to stalk me.
  • Thanks Bubs, for protecting us all and for having some of the best musical tastes around.
  • Thanks Hapabukbuk, for some really funny, subtle humor.
  • Thanks Wonderturtle, for posting more in the future (please?)
  • Thanks Clare, for being the one person who can relate to the whole Versailles experience.
  • Thanks S.D., for great comments and for sharing what it's like to be the parent of a child with CP.
  • Thanks Catherinette, for your funny tales and crazy cast of characters.
  • Thanks Mindy, for liking my stuff and for keeping those crazy Brits in line.
  • Thanks WP, for the chance to get creative on Bad Lieutenant's Wife.
  • Thanks Laaw-yuhr, for lots of funny stuff and tales of the horrors of law school.
  • Thanks Mixednut, for finally starting your own blog!
  • Thanks Cheer34, for linking me. I look forward to reading more.
And a special thanks to Randy (who doesn't have a blog) for the great comments and for sending me a copy of "English Settlement".

See y'all Monday!

No Matter What Happens...

Whether Ms. Hilton is returned to jail or continues her house arrest, I take some small pleasure from knowing she was subjected to a cavity search.

My friend, Dave, and I were talking about it last night. Normally, if your job was to perform cavity searches on inmates, you'd probably keep it to yourself. However, I can see whoever got to perform Paris's procedure parlaying this into big bucks, perhaps a book deal. At the very least, I hope they saved the glove. That baby's got e-bay written all over it!


I Am Lemming, Hear Me Roar...

Since y'all are doing it, I'm going to do the "Some Guy needs..." Google trick and see what happens. Just so you know, I cheated a little. Some of them didn't make any sense, so I didn't necessarily use the first ten. You can check 'em if you don't trust me.
  • Some guy needs to get some clue.
  • Some guy needs to justify his existence.
  • Some guy needs money quick.
  • Some guy needs help with his pottery.
  • Some guy needs a part for his spaceship.
  • Some guy needs a fix.
  • Some guy needs some help.
  • Some guy needs to get that chainsaw away from him and chop 'ol Leatherface up.
  • Some guy needs to punch him in the face, steal his car, and have hot coffee with his old woman.
  • Some guy needs to do research to find out that being stuck to a video game for 40 hours a week makes him antisocial.
I will let you guy make of this what you will. I swear, I don't even own any video games!

Some Ground Rules...

OK, for those of you who think it's "for all intensive purposes" instead of "for all intents and purposes", I'm gonna let it slide.

However, I'm afraid if you think it's "for all in tents and porpoises", we're gonna have a problem.


Simple Pleasures...

Those of you who sit at a desk all day know the importance of a good chair. For years now, my ass has been riding a hand-me-down relic with about as much cushion as Nicole Richie's backside.

Today I get a new chair just like the one pictured above. I have a feeling the new comfort I'll experience will directly contribute to higher quality posts in the future. It's truly the dawning of a new era - an era free from keester-fatigue.

Hey Chicagoans!...

While the details of our trip are still pretty loose, I do know that Megan and I will be passing through Chicago on our way back to Michigan on the 23rd of June. I'm curious if anyone might be up for a casual get-together that night. I had a great time the last time and would like to expand it to include more local folks. Is anyone going to be around? Last time we met at my friend's restaurant, but I'm open to suggestions. The best way, I've found, is to pick a time and place. Whoever shows up, great. Leave me comments and I'll work on some details.

Republican Debate Scorecard...

You know, it takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to make it through a republican debate, but I do it so you don't have to. Here is an abbreviated summary of each candidate's performance (L to R).
  • Tom Tancredo - Sucky.
  • Tommy Thompson - Seemed drunk.
  • Sam Brownback - Lame.
  • Mitt Romney - An empty vessel.
  • Rudy Giuliani - Was he in New York on 9-11? I wish he'd tell us.
  • John McCain - Stop calling me "your friend", schmuck.
  • Mike Huckleberry - Scary religious dude.
  • Duncan Hunter - Meh.
  • Jim Gilmore - Double meh.
  • Ron Paul - Right on Iraq, but wrong on a bunch of other shit.
Winner: The lightning strikes that kept fucking up the sound equipment.
Loser: All of us.



This is my 666th post.

A Simple Post...

It has come to my attention that I have the tendency to talk about a bunch of shit on this blog that most people don't understand. Obscure pop culture references may be appreciated by some, but they probably won't help me in my quest to build a mass audience. Here is a post I think everyone can appreciate - one for the whole family! It deals with living creatures whose names double as verbs. For instance, there's:



Although you don't hear it as much anymore, any crossword puzzle fan knows to "ape" someone is to imitate them.

Then, of course, there's Yak.

They're BACK!...

This is just to get Frank to stop pestering me.

Presidential Monikers...

Best Presidential Nickname
Zachary "Old Rough & Ready" Taylor

Worst Presidential Nickname
Chester "Whisker Dick" Arthur

I Miss France...

A lot of people rag on France. A lot of the people who do, I find, have never been there. For some reason today, I'm missing it. I lived in Versailles my junior year of college and had access to Paris, one of the great cities of the world. Here's a few of the things I miss:

Popping into a boulangerie on the way to school for some pain au chocolat.

The Paris Metro, even with the French urine stank. Now that I've ridden the New York subway, I think I can say that the Metro smells worse.

Having lunch in the gardens at Versailles.

Watching that crazy dude perform in front of the Pompidou Center.

Getting fucked up and hanging out at the Parc De La Villette.

Nutella Crepes for dessert.
I found that it was a nice way to bookend the day with chocolate in the morning and at night. Sure, Nutella isn't exactly chocolate, but it's close enough.