Megan and I are going out to do a little Christmas shopping today. Since I live in a rural area without malls or big crowds, it's harder for me to get the true holiday shopping experience. That's why by the end of the trip I hope to:
- knock down and step on at least one woman over 80 years of age.
- forcibly snatch an item away from another shopper, even if there are plenty more of the same thing on the shelf.
- annoy other shoppers by wearing over-sized snowshoes into all the stores.
- verbally assault a sales clerk for not having the power tool I'm looking for, even though I'm in a bookstore.
- insist that the Christmas cards I buy each be individually gift-wrapped.
- pee into at least one Christmas tree stand and/or Poinsettia plant and claim that the line for the restroom was too long.
Megan and I are going out to do a little Christmas shopping today. Since I live in a rural area without malls or big crowds, it's harder for me to get the true holiday shopping experience. That's why by the end of the trip I hope to:
17 comments:
You are a Christmas shopper afer my own heart.
Repeat after me:
A-M-A-Z-O-N-D-O-T-C-O-M
Wasn't that easy, your Christmas shopping is now finished.
And you weren't arrested for urinating in public.
you have great holiday spirit....glad you passed in on to us
I've seen on a map where you live. I thought the only shopping you had was access to pelt trading stations.
Fa la la la la la la la la!!!!
these are all great things to do --
also, for those gift cards that you'll have gift wrapped individually, you should ask for separate gift receipts for each one.
just in case.
Those are all good ideas. My favorite is to take over the public announcement system and announce sales in various departments far away from me. Keeps the aisles clear for me.
Once in the local Nordstroms the snooty guy playing Christmas carols on the piano got peed on by my coworker's drunken brother. True story. He just whipped it out and peed. And the band did NOT play on.
Man, Midwesterners do Christmas up right!
You get more points for the old lady if she is not using a walker. Bonus points for blue hair.
...so I hear.
Knock over a Christmas tree while you're at it. I don't consider any holiday season complete until a Christmas tree gets knocked over.
Tag, you're it! Visit my blog for the rules. Can't wait to see what you'll come up with! Hee hee hee. :-)
did you get me anything???
Ahhh. Tis the season. I'm already sick of angry people (mobs) everywhere. I ordered my new license plates last night - they say KOOLOFF. I think it is my new motto.
Keep your hands off my Elmo!
Blue hairs should be forced to shop online online. If you's over 80, you are not allowed amongst the general public.
I like to curse loudly when I'm standing near small children. And that goes for anytime I'm shopping, not just Xmas.
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