This Sucks...

Now what am I supposed to do? As you probably know from watching the news lately, all the world's problem are either solved or on the cusp of being solved. As a result, about 50% of my potential blog content will be moot. This is going to force me to be even more creative than before and may completely sap me of all my blogging energy. I was afraid this might happen one day...

First, the Iraq Study Group. This blue-ribbon panel (average age=97) uncovered a lot of stuff that we commoners would've never been privy to had it not been for them. These freedom-haters had the nerve to tell us that the situation in Iraq is deteriorating. WHAT!? What about all those hospitals and schools they'd painted? I, for one, would've never believed it, but Ed Meese is part of the group, so it's GOT to be true. Obviously, our President, god love him, is moving swiftly to adopt all of their recommendations. He has admitted repeatedly that the entire mess was his fault and his alone. He has learned that wars based on a bunch of bullshit lies don't have positive outcomes, no matter how much of a god-given gift liberty is to all mankind. He is en route to Iran, as I write this, to sit down with Ahmedinejaddaladdadingdong to iron out how to make things right. Problem fucking solved.

Next we have the issue of congressional corruption. Specifically, the Foley Scandal (or "Foleygate" or "The Bay of Foley Fiasco" or "The Dirty Old Mancident"). The findings found that no one did anything wrong. The republicans, god love 'em, gave themselves a gold star for all their efforts to root out the pederasts amongst them. I say, job, well, done. Bravo.

Aside from these things, bipartisan unity is flourishing, global warming has stopped, Pinochet is reported dead, and it looks like there's gonna be a new Rambo movie. It's fucking Morning In America, bitches!

Man, I hope the well has not run dry...