10/23/2006

The Next Big Thing...

Often the best ideas are right in front of us. The secret is to find two things that people love and unite them in some palatable way. You know, like "Whistle Pops" and "Beer Bongs". Here's mine:

Chewing gum is as American as apple pie and tractor pulls. It evokes memories of childhood. It is currently banned in most classrooms, but shouldn't be.

Bacon is one of the most popular foods in America. It's hickory aroma never fails to bring a smile to people's faces (unless they're one of those wacky vegetarians).

Put these two beloved items together and you get "Ba-gum" (pronounced "bay-gum"), bacon-flavored chewing gum! It can't miss!

I am going to be a fucking millionaire!

15 comments:

mixednut said...

Dude, that's just nasty!

Geo said...

Love it – I'll happily be a product tester.

Given your line of reasoning, I'd also suggest an apple pull or a pie tractor.

Flannery Alden said...

Mmmm....baygum...

IDigHootchAndCootch said...

Pure genius. And instead of having the middle of the bagum filled with a fruity-flavoured gel (like so many gums do now), you can fill it with bacon grease.

And I thought my swiss army melon scooper was a money maker.

lulu said...

DUDE, fucking genius.

Anonymous said...

Um, sorry to rain on your parade, but Dr. Nick Riviera, a graduate of Hollywood Upstairs Medical College, already thought this one up. Don't you remember when Homer Simpson was trying to gain weight and Dr. Nick told him, "Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon"?

See, even we weird vegetarian types know a thing or two about bacon.

dirty said...

can you taste the juicy fat???

Frank Sirmarco said...

Or, as young Bart Simpson quipped:

"You can brush your teeth with milk Shakes!"

To which Dr. Nick said:

"Did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College, too?"

Big Orange said...

I dunno-- that better taste damned close to REAL bacon...

here's a better idea that will make you even MORE money: CAFFINATED CHEWING GUM.

BTW, gum was NOT banned in MY classroom until the other 5th grade teachers (wimminfolk, all o' em) crabbed off at me and I was forced to submit to their will.

Jen said...

my husband would love it...

He'd be the first one
in line to buy it

The Boob Lady said...

I just threw up in my mouth a little. But, I'd probably buy it. Damn.

Anonymous said...

Where is Echo? He will be so excited! He might even invest in this idea.

Anonymous said...

There are different flavors of bacon too.

Beth said...

If you need a marketing partner, I'm your guy ... um, girl.

Chris said...

Thanks! I had high hopes for this post.
Mixed Nut- Come on! You know you'd love it!
Geo- I'm thinking another thing we could do is infuse the gum with some chemical to simulate a sizzle sensation. That would be the shit.
Flannery- You know it!
Idig- Perfect! You're my new vice president in charge of product development.
Lulu- I knew you'd like this.
Megan- That is some damn impressive Simpsons knowledge for someone that claims not to own a TV!
Dirty- Yes, I can.
Frank- Milkshake flavored toothpaste. Yes!
B.O.- Keep fighting the good fight, the fight of the just - the fight of the gum-chewer.
Jen- Awesome! My first sale!
Boob Lady- Sorry about that. I knew you'd get on board.
Phil- Exactly. We could do a whole breakfast thang. Sausage-flavored, Scambled egg-flavored. We're only limited by our imagination!
Beth- Cool. I suck at marketing.