3/19/2008

Trippy Shit...


While watching TV last night, we stumbled upon "It's The Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown". Neither Megan nor I could remember watching this one as kids, which is surprising (at least for me) because I always used to make a point of watching as many animated holiday specials as I could. Anyway, we decided to watch. By the end, we both looked at each other like "What the fuck?" Not that it was bad, it was just odd.

First, there's no real story. Whereas the Christmas special had a message and a religious component, this one had none and seemed to focus primarily on the secular aspects of Easter (bunnies and eggs). The main plot line deals with Peppermint Patty and her lesbian life-partner Marcie trying to color eggs. Marcie, who I had always thought of as the rational one, was oblivious to the fact that you have to dye the eggs WHILE they're still in the shell. She ended up looking like a complete idiot after many failed attempts to prepare the eggs for coloring (cooking them in a waffle iron, toaster, and oven). The show ended abruptly with Marcie biting into a hard-boiled egg still in its shell, grimacing at how terrible it tasted.

In another sequence, Snoopy buys Woodstock a birdhouse after his nest is flooded. Woodstock proceeds to turn his new house into some sort of '70s psychedelic drug den. I don't know if this played any part in the scene where Snoopy is dancing hand-in-hand with a bunch of white rabbits. There are also references to Christmas and the fact that the store Snoopy buys the birdhouse at already had their Christmas displays up.

Apart from the story, there were also a bunch of weird scene cuts and the music was especially funky. It makes me wonder what sorts of illicit substances Mr. Schultz was into back then.

3/18/2008

I Don't Know Why I'm Posting This...

Probably because it's weird and so am I.

Sorry about the lack of posts.
I'm up to my ass with architecture.

3/16/2008

I Am The Man...

One day every year, I am called upon to be "the man". This Saturday was that day.

Each year, the place where I ski patrol hosts a St. Patty's/Mardi Gras hybrid celebration (pictured above). Thousands come, dressed up in goofy costumes, equipped with their Mardi Gras beads and their Jager-Bombs to listen to blaring frat-rock and enjoy a day on the slopes. It is not uncommon to see a lot of naked breasts and various 40-somethings passed out in the snow like they're high school kids getting drunk for the first time. Unfortunately, we patrollers must remain sober throughout in order to babysit.

The party crowd congregates on one of the runs in the center of the mountain. At the end of the day, it is our job to sweep the straggling drunks off the hill. All the patrollers form a line and "encourage" those remaining to head towards the bottom. It can be a frustrating task that puts me in an awkward position. You see, I am not an authoritarian by any means. I don't like having to yell at people. However, my normally long fuse quickly gets shorter when some dork holding a beer bong refuses to accept the fact that the party is over and, more importantly, that I can't drink myself until his incoherent ass is off the hill. We get plenty of dirty looks and lots of belligerence (and an occasional "Thank you"). Ironically, by the end of it, I am so sick of it all that I go straight home, avoiding the after-party, and become what I had earlier despised - a drunk person.

Help Settle A Dispute...

Megan claims that Tito Puente does not rock.
I think he does (or at least he did).
All I know is that I have a bunch of his albums
and I'm certain that I have heard him rock on
more than one occasion.

Have my ears been deceiving me?

3/14/2008

My Latest Wardrobe Staple...

People who know me know I'm only slightly more fashionable than your average Communist. I've posted stuff about my lack of style HERE, HERE, and HERE.

The shirt pictured above has become my latest standby. I would guess that 75% of my winter upper-body attire features a quarter-zip collar. Truth be told, I'd prefer a 5/16th-zip collar, but no one seems to carry them.

If You Had To Choose...

Who would you rather have as your guidance counselor...


Mr. Rosso or...


Mr. Mackey?

3/13/2008

Remembering...

I said something funny last night that I was going to put on the blog, but now I've forgotten what it was. Actually, it probably wasn't all that funny, but because this blog continues to suck balls, I have to take whatever mildly amusing thing that happens and make the most of it.

Sometimes people tie a string around their finger to help them remember things. In this case, however, the string technique wouldn't have done jack shit because I can remember there was something funny and that it would've been post-able, just not what it was. From now on, whenever anything funny happens, I think I'll write on a Post-It note, fart on it, and staple it to my forehead. That might make for an effective memory aid. I think I owe that to you, the reader.

3/12/2008

Blame Splotchy...


He made me do this:

Rules
1. Tag one to many persons by doing the name game song on their Blogger name (their first name, if they have one).
2. Tell your tagged, name-gamed bloggers that they will have to continue the Name Game meme, or innocent puppies will be [make up something suitably awful].

*****

Hello, taggees! Please pass this meme on.

If you don't, puppies will be forced to live in a world without kibble!

The only thing preventing this terrible tragedy from being enacted is your continuation of this meme!

The taggees:

Pantaloons, Pantaloons, bo-bantaloons,
Banana-fana fo-fantaloons
Fee-fi-mo-mantaloons
Pantaloons!

Hapabukbuk, Hapabukbuk, bo-bapabukbuk,
Banana-fana fo-fapabukbuk
Fee-fi-mo-mapabukbuk
Hapabukbuk!

Catherinette, Catherinette, bo-batherinette,
Banana-fana fo-fatherinette
Fee-fi-mo-matherinette
Catherinette!

Procrastinator, Procrastinator, bo-brocrastinator,
Banana-fana fo-frocrastinator
Fee-fi-mo-mrocrastinator
Procrastinator!

Distributor, Distributor, bo-bistributor,
Banana-fana fo-fistributor
Fee-fi-mo-mistributor
Distributor!

Hey Ladies...

Your grandma called.
She wants to go bra shopping with you.


3/11/2008

The Difference Between Men And Women...

Sunday, Megan and I took a walk along the lake.

She wanted to take pretty pictures with her new camera.
I wanted to chuck rocks at loose pieces of ice.


3/10/2008

Wait, I Think We Can Fit One More...

This kid really lacks a strong work ethic, don'tcha think?



Nicknames...

Grape-Nuts may work well as a cereal,
but it works even better as a nickname
for a guy with small testicles.




Does everyone remember the nicknames I gave them? If any of my newer readers would like me to give them one, leave a request in the comments. Be sure to read the disclaimer first. I can't be held responsible for what pops into my head.

Happy Monday, All!...

I hope you all had a pleasant weekend.

Tonight is the final night of my ski racing season. It's been kind of a mixed bag for me. I started out slow, but once I got the hang of it, I worked my way way up to the top slot on the team by the middle of the season. Then, a few weeks ago I had a pretty spectacular wreck. I was about 3/4 of the way down and hauling ass when I lost track of a gate until it was right in front of me. I hooked my ski and went head first down the hill. Luckily, I didn't injure myself, other than a little ego bruising. As I climbed up to retrieve the ski that came off, I discovered I had completely broken the toe-piece of the binding. After that run, I got nervous and more tentative, so my times suffered. I'm hoping to redeem myself tonight.

3/07/2008

Clearing Up Any Confusion...

This is Spock


This is a spork.

I know the differences are subtle, but try to remember, m'kay?

Jim Carrey, Eat Your Heart Out...


3/06/2008

For The Record...

Sammy Davis Jr. DID have a glass eye.

It was real and it was spectacular.


3/05/2008

Sandy Duncan's Glass Eye...

For as long as I can remember, I have been under the impression that star of stage and screen, Wheat Thins-spokesperson Sandy Duncan had a glass eye. It was just one of those things someone tells you when you're young and you accept it as true. After all, she did have a noticeably lazy eye.

Something just now compelled me to do a Google search for "Sandy Duncan glass eye". How's that for random? I think they mentioned it in a "Family Guy" episode or something. Well, turns out she had a tumor in her left eye, which killed her optic nerve. It's her real eye, but she can't see out of it. She actually sounds like a pretty cool person. She talks shit about Dubya AND Oprah! See for yourselves...

Advertising...

I remember, back when I was in high school, Coca-Cola, in the interest of raising the level of fashion in our country, promoted their own line of Coca-Cola clothing. Thank goodness, too. Prior to this bold move, people were forgetting that Coca-Cola existed and that it was available for purchase.

I'm joking, of course. Product placement on clothing was and still is prevalent. Back in the day, everyone who was anyone had to have an Adidas t-shirt. Nowadays,you can find clothes with just about any corporate logo you want. It is smart business for companies to use people as walking billboards. After all, you pay them to do their advertising! Genius!

There are a few exceptions. Some companies have yet to tap into this lucrative marketing strategy. Here are some that need to get on board or risk being left behind:

Cialis Erectile Dysfunction Medication


Imodium Anti-Diarrheal


Rid-X Septic System Treatment


Massengill Feminine Hygiene Products

I would proudly wear any of these.


3/04/2008

Why I'm A Dirty Hippie...

Actually, I keep myself reasonably clean and I probably wouldn't come across as a hippie based on my appearance. I use "dirty hippie" jokingly as a blanket descriptor for anyone with worldviews that piss off conservatives.

Anyway, I was watching another 60 Minutes report about a defense prototype that is basically a ray gun. It provides an effective method of crowd control without permanently injuring anybody. The technology is interesting. If it can prevent more innocent death, I think it's a positive step, provided it isn't misused. What I found curious about the testing in the piece was that they felt the need to stage a mock battle with people posing as peace activists. It just seems odd to me that this would be the logical target of a weapons system like this. It's basically saying that people who want world peace need to be defeated.

It made me think how cool it would be if, some day, the leaders of this world decided to act non-violently towards each other, so that the people who wanted more war were the ones who'd have to march in the streets in protest. They'd be the ones who were marginalized and made to feel unpatriotic. People like us who want to live in a peaceful world would be the ones calling the shots. Wouldn't that be sweet?

Euchre...

I fucking love Euchre.
It is a brilliant game.
It's so simple, yet filled with tons of little nuances and strategies.
One of the things I miss about Chicago is getting together
with friends to play Euchre.
It is one of the few card games I don't mind
teaching people who have never played.

3/03/2008

Since It's Monday And Everyone's Already Miserable...

You want to watch something truly disgraceful?
Check out this 60 Minutes story over at Crooks & Liars.
Please forward it to anyone you know who still
can't admit that our current health care system
is inhumane.

2/29/2008

An Intervention...

Dude, we all care about you. That's why we're here.

For the longest time, I pretended like you didn't have a problem. I didn't want to admit to myself that you're not the same cuckoo-bird I used to know. It seems like the only thing you care about now is where you're gonna get your next fix.

And it hurts, man, it really hurts.

It kills me to sit back and watch you throw your life away. I've seen you go through twelve boxes of this shit in an afternoon. I've fucking SEEN you go through this shit so fast you swallow the prize at the bottom without even noticing!

When there's Cocoa Puffs around, you change into this...this monster! Your eyes get all bugged-out. You ignore your wife. You ignore your kids. You're sick. You're addicted to this garbage and you need help. And we want you to get help. We want you to know we're here for you. I'm serious, Sonny. We know you can kick this thing. We love you, man.

The IT Department...

Winners of the SysCorp Inter-Office Keg Stand competition, 2007.

2/28/2008

Why Are The Urinals I Pee Into Always So Lame?...









And, I know a lot of you have been wondering
if there are any photos out there of a lemur using a urinal.
Well, you're in luck:

Documentary Film Of The Day: The Real Dirt On Farmer John...

Those of you who keep up on my documentary picks know I'm a sucker for films about weird people. Weirdness, to me, is a positive personality trait. Farmer John is pretty weird. He's artistic and flamboyant. He turned his Northern Illinois family farm into a commune, much to the displeasure of his neighbors. When the farming collapse of the eighties struck, John had to sell off most of his equipment and land, but he could never fully let go of the farming lifestyle. It's a nice story, funny and a bit hokey at times, but it is ultimately a story of second chances.

You can add it to your Netflix lists HERE.