I Hereby Announce My Retirement From Competitive Bejeweled Blitz Playing...

(Video contains inappropriate language for work or kids.)

I know some of you play this game on Facebook. It is time for me to quit this bitch cold turkey, so I filmed my last game. I got sick of the sound effects a long time ago, but decided to turn them back on for the finale. I hate this miserable game. It's weird to watch it on video and see the obvious things I missed. I have no idea how some of you have scored above 150,000.

An Intervention...

Dude, we all care about you. That's why we're here.

For the longest time, I pretended like you didn't have a problem. I didn't want to admit to myself that you're not the same cuckoo-bird I used to know. It seems like the only thing you care about now is where you're gonna get your next fix.

And it hurts, man, it really hurts.

It kills me to sit back and watch you throw your life away. I've seen you go through twelve boxes of this shit in an afternoon. I've fucking SEEN you go through this shit so fast you swallow the prize at the bottom without even noticing!

When there's Cocoa Puffs around, you change into this...this monster! Your eyes get all bugged-out. You ignore your wife. You ignore your kids. You're sick. You're addicted to this garbage and you need help. And we want you to get help. We want you to know we're here for you. I'm serious, Sonny. We know you can kick this thing. We love you, man.