How Many Super Bowl Commercials Was Your Brother In?...

Mine was in two.

For many years, my brother has done PA work on commercials. He recently started doing extra work which pays a little bit better. He never knows for how long he'll appear (usually it's only a split second or so), but he tells us what to watch for just in case.

The first one he was in was the Pepsi/Bob Dylan commercial. You can see him here:


Here's the video if you want to watch it:


The other one was for GoDaddy.com (whatever the hell that is). Here he is again:




Normally I loathe commercials, especially Super Bowl commercials and their accompanying hype, but when you have a family member to look for it makes it a little more tolerable.

Another Example Of Failed Marketing...

You know, I've never had Toffifay candy. I always see it sitting there at the supermarket check-out and I wonder who ever buys it. I assume it's been languishing on the shelf since the 1970s. My reluctance to try it may be due to the fact that I'm still a little put off by the commercials they used to run when I was younger. The gist was that Toffifay was an adult candy that was "too good for kids." As a kid, whenever I saw it I'd think, "Fine. Fuck you and your snooty-ass candy. I'll get a Whatchamacallit instead." I can only imagine the billions in revenue they lost as a result of this ill-conceived ad campaign.

Uncut Commercials...

Some of you may remember the commercial for "Operation", the wacky doctor game. It featured some young kids sitting around a table engaged in a spirited round of faux organ removal. Most of you are probably not aware that it was not aired in its entirety. The following is some original dialogue (in white) and recently unearthed dialogue that was cut out (in pink):

Contestant #1: (Reading card) Take out his spare ribs for $100!
Contestant #2: You'll never do that!
Announcer: It takes a very steady hand...
Contestant #3: Don't touch the sides!
Game: Bzzzzzzzzzz!
Contestants #2 & #3: Butterfinger!
Contestant #1: What the fuck did you just call me?
Contestant #2: Huh?
Contestant #1: I said, "What the fuck did you just call me?".
Contestant #3: Dude, relax. We're just giving you shit.
Contestant #2: Yeah, man. It's just a game.
Contestant #1: No, I'm fucking sick of this! Every time we play this
stupid game, you two gotta bust my balls and it pisses me off!
Contestant #3: (to #2) Jesus! What a fucking baby!
Contestant #2: Yeah, whatcha gonna do? Tell mom?
Contestant #1: Maybe I will, dickhead. Maybe I'll tell her how
you've been growing weed behind the garage.
Contestant #2: I swear to god, Jimmy. Do it and die.
Announcer: Why don't you losers all get back to playing the game.
C'mon. Who's next? Do the funny bone.
Contestant #2: Hey, stay out of this, asshole. It doesn't concern you.
Announcer: Operation. A Milton-Bradley game.

An Endorsement...

I can't tell you how many times I've been out and about wearing my ass-less chaps when someone has come up to me and asked, "Hey, Chappy, how do you keep your butt so smooth and supple?" It always gets me a little excited because I know they're about to be introduced to a revolutionary product that will change their life and their ass forever. It's called Anti Monkey Butt and it's available now. Just apply Anti Monkey Butt every half hour and kiss your ass-rot goodbye! Look for the trusted psychotic monkey on the label or ask for it by name.

Anti Monkey Butt. Doesn't your ass deserve the very best?

Advertising...

I remember, back when I was in high school, Coca-Cola, in the interest of raising the level of fashion in our country, promoted their own line of Coca-Cola clothing. Thank goodness, too. Prior to this bold move, people were forgetting that Coca-Cola existed and that it was available for purchase.

I'm joking, of course. Product placement on clothing was and still is prevalent. Back in the day, everyone who was anyone had to have an Adidas t-shirt. Nowadays,you can find clothes with just about any corporate logo you want. It is smart business for companies to use people as walking billboards. After all, you pay them to do their advertising! Genius!

There are a few exceptions. Some companies have yet to tap into this lucrative marketing strategy. Here are some that need to get on board or risk being left behind:

Cialis Erectile Dysfunction Medication

Imodium Anti-Diarrheal

Rid-X Septic System Treatment

Massengill Feminine Hygiene Products

I would proudly wear any of these.