My office reeks of vinegar right now.
I finally saw An Inconvenient Truth yesterday. I had avoided it for a long time (much like Supersize Me) because, frankly, I knew it would be upsetting.
In what can only be described as a journalistic "coup", I was recently given the opportunity to interview Fox News powerhouse and king of dirty-talk, Bill O'Reilly. Before we get to the interview, I should describe the circumstances of our meeting. I was ushered into O'Reilly's "Throne Room" in the bowels of the Fox News headquarters by two gentlemen dressed like those red Imperial Guards in "Return Of The Jedi" where I found the humble host, surrounded by concubines, dressed like Belloq right before he opens the ark. When I arrived, he shooed his harem with two quick snaps, told me to "Kneel before Zod", and we started the interview. As usual, his answers appear in BOLD:
Mr. Dorko is a research chemist in the Analytical Chemistry Division at the National Institute of Standards and Technology. He is the National Coordinator of the NIST Traceable Reference Material Program for Gas Standards.
I love Canada. Whenever I'm in Canada, I somehow feel at ease - safe. Going there has always been a positive experience for me and it's nice to know it's just a couple hours away.
I guess I'll have to add THIS to my summer reading list.
In preparing for one of today's brilliant posts in which I lament the fact that the golden age of television is over and that we may never see a show like "Manimal" again, I had to do an image search to give some visual "punch" to my assertion. The cool thing about doing an image search (I usually use Google or Yahoo) is that you never know what sorts of crazy shit will pop up. Like this, for example:
I'm really in the mood to do a thoughtful post. You know, one of those posts that tackles a compelling, if not controversial, topic. Something nice and long - meaty, if you will. I could find an appropriate picture for it and come up with an eye-catching title - one that just dares you to read it. In the body of the post, I'd start out with a provocative opening statement and follow it up with clever supporting points. They might be in the form of analogies, references to other articles available on the internets, or amusing anecdotes that draw on my own personal experiences. I'd cap it off with an excellent closer - something that wraps everything up with a neat little bow. Then I would invite others to share their own feelings on the matter. In the comments section, I would wait for people to disagree with me and then, ever so tactfully, tell them how they don't know their ass from apple butter.
After an extended hiatus, Lost is back on tonight.
I've been meaning to compile a list like this for some time. I need your help. The people on this list are Americans, living or dead, that I admire. I'd love to hear some of your favorites, too.
"Jaga, WAIT!"
Worst. Team. Ever.
Have I got news for you! As I write this, there exists a revolutionary new program created by a man named Donnie Davies that you may be interested in. Here is how Donnie describes it:C.H.O.P.S is the powerful new program developed by Christian Youth expert Donnie Davies. C.H.O.P.S stands for CHANGING HOMOSEXUALS into ORDINARY PEOPLE.He goes on to say that if you follow him, together you can "C.H.O.P.S. away the gay." That's the sort of cleverness I've come to expect from fundamentalist Christians. I mean, check out the ingenius logo. The top represents the redeemed homosexual, complete with halo (and rippling biceps, I might add). The bottom (where the naughty bits happen to be) represents the evil sinner, complete with devil's tail.
If you have been having feelings that you DO NOT want to have towards people of the same sex as you, then this is the program for you.
If you've been acting on those same feelings, then this is DEFINATELY (sic) the program you've been looking for.
I finally saw this for the first time the other night and all I can say is:
Like I mentioned a long time ago in THIS POST, I have a good memory for stupid, meaningless things from my childhood. The one I'm going to tell you about involves a dream I've never forgotten. I had it when I was six. It was one of those dreams where you wake up and think, "What the FUCK was that all about?" Granted, I probably didn't know the word "fuck" at the time, but you get the point. At first I was nervous about sharing this, but I figure you all know I'm not opposed to revealing weird shit about myself and that this will just be another example of that.
Molly Ivins - 1944-2007
I know my posts lately have been a little lackluster. I promise it has nothing to do with my recent romantic escapades. I plan on rectifying this in the coming days, so bear with me.
Yesterday was Dickle's 66th birthday and I fucking missed it!
I'm going to be away until next Wednesday. I'll be in beautiful Norfolk to visit my beautiful girlfriend. Man, does it feel weird to say that.
As I may have mentioned before, I used to work at TCBY while I was in high school, along with recent interview subject, Frank. It was right around the time the frozen yogurt craze was sweeping the nation. We would have lines out the door and cars backed up waiting to use the drive-thru. Customers would often have trouble grasping a few of the main concepts of the TCBY menu, mainly the policy on toppings. When I worked there, toppings, which included candy, nuts, fruit, hot fudge, etc., were fifty cents for two scoops, 25 cents for one (a total fucking rip-off). People would come in and figure that toppings were unlimited and were shocked to learn that their cup of yogurt, now covered in Oreo crumbs, M & Ms, Strawberries, and many other things, was now about ten bucks. As employees, we would dream up potential topping choices the bigwigs at TCBY had not yet thought of. They included:
