6/11/2006

The Most Taboo Subject In The World...

I consider myself a very well-informed person. I'm pretty aware of what's going on in the world. I pay attention to things and have a decent memory. I am also very open when it comes to talking about potentially taboo topics like religion, sex, and politics. I have absolutely no memory of anyone - not family, not friends, not teachers - ever talking to me about hemorrhoids.
Up until about a year ago, the most I knew about hemorrhoids was that it was some sort of ass pain and that Preparation H was the cure. I had no idea what the symptoms were, what caused them, or how they manifested themselves. I didn't even know of anyone who had ever had them. Things changed quite suddenly when I noticed a raw, stinging nodule sticking out of my butthole while I was wiping one day. I was caught completely off guard and wasn't totally sure what I was dealing with. I did some internet investigation to confirm my suspicion that this was, in fact, a hemorrhoid. I bought some ointment which is applied in a disgusting, yet totally necessary fashion. Constipation is the leading cause due to increased pressure on the sphincter during bowel movements. Thankfully there has been no recurrence since. There have been times when I thought I was on the verge of a repeat, but I increased my fiber intake and modified my pooping habits to preempt their return. I felt like it was wrong for me to talk about this with anyone because no one had ever talked about it before, like there was some shame attached to it. I'm curious if other people have been sheltered from the existence of this unpleasant bodily occurence. As a curious person, I also made the fatal error of doing a Google image search during my investigation. For those of you who like gross shit like this, I dare you to do a similar search. In fact, I'll do it for you. Here. There it is. Waiting. Don't you want to see just how nasty it is? Come on.

No comments: