7/16/2007

The Secrets Of Thorpe School, Grade Three...


We all have secrets we keep to ourselves. Well actually, I don't, but the rest of you do. The students in grade three of Thorpe School back in '46-'47 most certainly do. Here they are starting in the upper left:
  • Had dreamed of being an astronaut rather than a schoolteacher, which is odd since NASA wasn't established until 1958.
  • Once took a leak in the washroom soap dispenser.
  • Saw mommy, daddy, and her neighbor, Mr. Johnson, in the attic playing "Hide the garden hose".
  • Thinks Truman is a "punk".
  • Enjoys what she calls "Booger Time" once a day.
  • Big ol' pothead.
  • Hasn't had a bath in eight months.
  • Secretly likes receiving "wedgies".
  • Has the power of telekinesis.
  • Plays with her imaginary pet pig, Reginald.
  • Doesn't really like smiling, but is doing it so the damn photographer will get off his case.
  • Is actually a cyborg from the future.
  • Has a problem with Portuguese people.
  • Still wears rubber underwear.
  • Too many secrets to list.
  • Is jealous of the teacher for spending so much time with her secret beau, the "wedgie-lover".
  • Was confused as to what a "secret" was.
  • Performs pagan rituals while the rest of them are at Sunday School.
  • Worries that the U.S. has lost its "moral compass".
  • Can't wait to play football after school, but anyone who knows him knows that's no secret.
  • Is the largest single donor to the "Booger Time" girl.
  • Brushes his teeth with lard.
  • Can't stand it when people say "yoodle hoodle" to get his attention.
  • Is deathly afraid of earwax.
  • Discovered the recipe for an eternal life elixir - two parts pickle juice, one part Listerine.


*Disclaimer: This is all bullshit. In case you were in this class and you stumble upon this post, this is all for the sake of humor and no offense was intended.

2 comments:

Beth said...

I didn't realize you were that old. You've held up well, Chris.

Skylers Dad said...

Thank God you added the disclaimer! Don't want trouble from the old folks!