The Secrets Of Thorpe School, Grade Three...

We all have secrets we keep to ourselves. Well actually, I don't, but the rest of you do. The students in grade three of Thorpe School back in '46-'47 most certainly do. Here they are starting in the upper left:
  • Had dreamed of being an astronaut rather than a schoolteacher, which is odd since NASA wasn't established until 1958.
  • Once took a leak in the washroom soap dispenser.
  • Saw mommy, daddy, and her neighbor, Mr. Johnson, in the attic playing "Hide the garden hose".
  • Thinks Truman is a "punk".
  • Enjoys what she calls "Booger Time" once a day.
  • Big ol' pothead.
  • Hasn't had a bath in eight months.
  • Secretly likes receiving "wedgies".
  • Has the power of telekinesis.
  • Plays with her imaginary pet pig, Reginald.
  • Doesn't really like smiling, but is doing it so the damn photographer will get off his case.
  • Is actually a cyborg from the future.
  • Has a problem with Portuguese people.
  • Still wears rubber underwear.
  • Too many secrets to list.
  • Is jealous of the teacher for spending so much time with her secret beau, the "wedgie-lover".
  • Was confused as to what a "secret" was.
  • Performs pagan rituals while the rest of them are at Sunday School.
  • Worries that the U.S. has lost its "moral compass".
  • Can't wait to play football after school, but anyone who knows him knows that's no secret.
  • Is the largest single donor to the "Booger Time" girl.
  • Brushes his teeth with lard.
  • Can't stand it when people say "yoodle hoodle" to get his attention.
  • Is deathly afraid of earwax.
  • Discovered the recipe for an eternal life elixir - two parts pickle juice, one part Listerine.

*Disclaimer: This is all bullshit. In case you were in this class and you stumble upon this post, this is all for the sake of humor and no offense was intended.


Beth said...

I didn't realize you were that old. You've held up well, Chris.

Skylers Dad said...

Thank God you added the disclaimer! Don't want trouble from the old folks!