A Menace...

When I was in grade school, I used to walk to school every day. One of the families along my route had adopted a baby seal through one of those anti-cruelty organizations. Rather than be grateful for the opportunity these people had given him, this seal was bitter and hostile and, for some reason, he took it out on me. Just look at that cold, black stare. He used to wait for me each day on my way to school and throw sticks and dirt clods at me and say really awful things about my mom. On the way home, he used to steal my lunchbox and fill it with herring guts. He made my life a living hell.

Turns out, I got the last laugh. While I was back in Chicago, I heard from a friend that he's working at an Arby's and has a really hateful wife and he put on, like, a ton of weight. Sweet karma...