- Drink (a lot)
- Listen to songs like "Love Bites" by Def Leppard or Bobby Darin's "Down With Love".
- Get one of those heart-shaped boxes of chocolate, eat all the candy rapidly, then fill the box with M-80s and pretend it's the Fourth Of July instead.
- Buy a cheap spray bottle and fill it with liquid nitrogen. If any of the jackasses at work get bouquets of flowers, give 'em a little spritz and then crush them with a fly-swatter.
- Go to a romantic restaurant, find a couple of lovebirds staring doe-eyed at each other, and flick boogers at them.
Happy Valentine's Day To All!...
To those of you without a Valentine this year, I can relate. I went many years without one. During this drought, I learned the best ways to cope: