C.H.O.P.S is the powerful new program developed by Christian Youth expert Donnie Davies. C.H.O.P.S stands for CHANGING HOMOSEXUALS into ORDINARY PEOPLE.He goes on to say that if you follow him, together you can "C.H.O.P.S. away the gay." That's the sort of cleverness I've come to expect from fundamentalist Christians. I mean, check out the ingenius logo. The top represents the redeemed homosexual, complete with halo (and rippling biceps, I might add). The bottom (where the naughty bits happen to be) represents the evil sinner, complete with devil's tail.
If you have been having feelings that you DO NOT want to have towards people of the same sex as you, then this is the program for you.
If you've been acting on those same feelings, then this is DEFINATELY (sic) the program you've been looking for.
I don't know about you, but this seems like a very generous offer. You gay people have NO IDEA how wonderful it is to be ordinary (for more proof, watch the movie "Ordinary People". It will illustrate my point quite well.) You are TOTALLY missing out! So come on! Discover the joys of ordinary-ness! While you're visiting Donnie's site, check out his list of music that might turn you gay. Some artists include:
- Cole Porter
- The Doors
- The Rolling Stones
- Ted Nugent (huh?)
- Frank Sinatra.
I fucking give up.
**Disclaimer: For those unaware of my sarcastic streak, the preceding post should be read with tongue planted firmly in cheek.