A New Spoken Word Album...

Nothing gets me quite as excited as the prospect of hearing a young starlet speaking in public. Their mastery of the english language is so extraordinary that I have to stop what I'm doing and listen. I'm talking about your Hiltons, Lohans, Duffs, Spears, et al - the "cuntivas" (part cunt, part diva) as I like to call them. You know how Shatner did those genius spoken-word albums of pop standards? Well, imagine if these girls did something similar. Let's take a song like "Waving My Dick In The Wind" by Ween and see what it might sound like (original lyrics HERE).

I'm, like, waving my dick in, like, the wind, y'know, waving like my dick in the wind
If it all, like, goes right, I'll be, like, in your arms tonight, y'know
But I'm like, totally waving my, like, dick in the wind

I'm totally, like, lost in the sauce once again, like, I'm lost in, like, the sauce once again
If I, like, make it through, y'know, like, the night, everything will, like totally be alright
But I'm, like, totally lost in the sauce once again, y'know

It's been, y'know, like 97 days since I've, like, totally laid my head beside you
And like a million miles of, like, highway in between, y'know
There's some, like, red and blue lights that are, like, totally shinin' right behind me
And that pig's a like totally mean bastard

You should have, like, seen old Jimmy Wilson totally dance
You should have totally, like, seen old Jimmy Wilson dance, y'know
Give that boy like a dime and you could, like, totally have a chance
To see old Jimmy Wilson dance, y'know

Dance Jimmy
I'm, like, totally doin' the best I can there, Deaner
That's it
You know I can't, like, really dance like I used to, y'know, I mean I, like, try,
But I'm, like, a totally old, old man now

I've totally got, like, a real good feelin bout' old Jimmy Wilson, y'know
Sho' nuff' he's, like, totally got what it takes
Do, like, another number for me please won't ya Jimmy
Cause you're, like, a totally good dancer

Ooh yeah, like, help me now

I'm, like, waving my, like, dick in the wind, waving my dick in, like, the wind
If it, like, totally goes right, I'll totally be, like, in your arms tonight
But I'm, like, waving my dick in the wind, y'know
Waving, like, my dick in the wind
Waving my dick in the wind, y'know