Okay, Thanksgiving is over. We're all full, hungover, or both. Time to move on to the important news of the day.
Researchers have found what appears to be the oldest-ever stash of marijuana in a tomb in a remote part of China. The 789 grams found buried alongside a man's body are believed to be about 2,700 years old. Also found in the tomb were several empty Taco Bell bags and some Marley CDs. Trace amounts of Cheeto residue were also detected.
Since most of you seem to be checking out for tomorrow's festivities already, let me take a moment and wish you and yours a Happy Thanksgiving from everyone at Some Guy's Blog. I hope it's tryptophantastic!
One of the things I try to avoid most when blogging is duplicating something someone has already done. My quality control staff spends hours scouring the blogs I read to make sure this sort of thing doesn't happen. However, from time to time, certain posts fall through the cracks. I had posted something about Ricardo Montalban's 88th birthday and the Chrysler Cordoba when not minutes later Dr. Zibbs alerted me to the fact that he had beaten me to the punch. Apparently he couldn't wait for Ricky's birthday to do his post. I understand. With material in high demand these days, this blogging business has become dog-eat-dog (or yak, in this case). In my defense, at least I spelled his name correctly.
I have put my staff on notice and have deleted the offending post. One more fuck-up like this and they can kiss their Christmas bonuses goodbye.
I'm leaving in a few minutes for the east coast to spend Thanksgiving with Megan's family. Before I start all that airport fun, I wanted to post -- for very the last time -- the picture of the president getting a beakjob from the pardoned turkey. Do you think that's the same face he makes when he's with Laura? Suck on THAT image for a little while!
President Bush, ladies and gentlemen. Making this country proud for the last eight years.
Note to self: In the future, avoid doing two posts in a row that mention animal sex. It may give your readers the wrong impression.
Okay, time to let you guys off the hook. I suppose I could actually count out all the comments, but fuck it. It was a pretty underhanded thing to do in the first place.
First, let me start by saying that anyone who stopped by and saw the last post and thought, "That's really pathetic" or "Fuck him! I'm not leaving a fucking comment! What a whore!" or "This dude has some serious self-esteem issues," I don't blame you at all. I might have thought the same thing.
Here's my excuse: I'm a curious fucker. I was curious:
who would leave a comment.
who wouldn't leave a comment.
how long it would take.
what people would say.
whether anyone would comment for the first time.
In fact, I'm curious when it comes to pretty much everything. That's probably what has attracted me to blogging the most - how it quenches my never-ending curiosity. I love to know shit no matter what it is. If I'm a whore for anything, it's information. The more foreign something is to me, the more curious I am. This also explains why documentary films appeal to me so much. For instance, take the film Zoo. There are people out there who actually have sex with animals. This is something I personally can't comprehend and would never participate in even if someone had a gun to my head. Yet, there are people who do this and I want to know what makes them tick. It might sound crazy to many of you, but it's the kind of guy I am.
I like getting to know people, despite my initial social awkwardness. I like to know why people think the way they do, even people who disagree with me. Especially people who disagree with me. I want to know what's going on inside people's heads. To me, visiting blogs is like going over to someone's home, except the door is always unlocked and the home, in this case, is someone's brain.
So, in my defense, it wasn't really about getting a lot of comments (yeah, bullshit!). Go back and check my archives. The only person who used to comment at the beginning was Grant. Then, eventually, Flannery started visiting. Then Vikki and the GeorgiaGirls and so on. That's one of the reasons I annoyingly put my links in chronological order rather than alphabetically. I think it's a neat history. The fact is, I do like getting comments. I'll admit some of it gives me a sense of validation, but mostly I'm just curious who will respond to what and how. Plus, some of them are pretty fucking funny. So, if you didn't leave a comment in the last post, feel free. I'll go back and check it every once in a while.
I was thinking about a trip my friend and I took about twelve years ago. I wrote a little about it HERE. We quit our jobs, bought a big-ass van, and pretty much went wherever we felt like. We mooched places to sleep and shower from people along the way, but most of the time we'd sleep in the van in hotel parking lots (never got hassled once in six months!). Imagine how cool that trip would be now that I know people all over the country! Who knows? Maybe someday I'll do it again.
You won't see anything new on this blog until I get one hundred comments. The comments can be whatever you like. Grocery lists, random shit out of the phone book, you can even just say "Here!" (or "Present" if you're a dork.)
And don't try any funny business either like leaving a bunch of multiple comments. One per customer. Maybe two.
My apologies for not doing jack shit for y'all today, including posting anything or commenting on any of your extraordinary blogs. You guys set the bar so damn high that I can't just half-ass it anymore. So, I'll whip out a toilet post. What can I say? It's what I know. This is a picture I took in the restrooms while touring the International Prune Association headquarters last spring. Believe me, I needed ever last square.
Edited to add: I did a search for "toilet" on my blog and discoved that there are 32 posts that contain that word. That's only 2.3% of my total posts (1,350)! I expected that to be a lot higher.
Usually I prefer documentaries without a lot of narration, but director Werner Herzog has a way of speaking that makes everything he says seem like the the most profound, important thing you've ever heard in your life. In this film that's just been released on DVD, he goes to Antarctica, a place I've always wanted to visit. There he introduces us to what life is like at McMurdo Station, the largest community in Antarctica, home mainly to scientists and support staff. He spends time with people who are researching seals, penguins, sea life (including some amazing dive footage), and volcanoes. The film is beautifully shot with lots of interesting characters. It recently made the documentary short list for the Oscars. I would also like to recommend another Herzog doc I saw recently called "The White Diamond". Add both to your Netflix queues, bitches.
I've been concerned for some time that this blog is too focused on the past - that there's too much reminiscing. I want this to be a place where, yes, we can remember the past, but also look to the future. I want to strike a balance. I thought I'd start by taking a look at the evolution of a common everyday item - the pen. The pen has always been a sort of bellwether for where technology is taking us. I present to you now:
THE PEN.
The pen had very simple origins It started out as nothing more than a feather (or "quill) and some black liquid (or "ink").
People didn't like the flimsiness of the feather and inconvenience of carrying around a supply of ink, so we got the fountain pen. Now, for the first time, everything was self-contained.
Still, when the pen ran dry, you had to refill it which was messy and time consuming. A man named Mordechai Bic changed all that when he introduced the world to the first disposable pen.
People still weren't satisfied. There was still something missing. That something was porn. Enter the stripper pen.
As the country entered the space race, we knew we were falling behind the Russians when it came to pen technology. They had just come out with a combination pen/lint remover. Our answer - the clock pen.
The next phase of pen technology is only limited by our imaginations. Scientists are already hard at work on the world's first computer pen. The question becomes: What's next? Only time will tell what the future holds for our friend, the pen.
Men take pride in their scars. They're like little fleshy badges of honor that signify an act of heroism from our past. I've got a few of them. For instance, I have one under my upper lip from when I heroically went head-first over my handlebars riding down an underpass in the third grade. Another is on my right kneecap from when I heroically dove for a football and landed on a curbside storm drain. I also have one on my upper chin from when I was a toddler and heroically tripped and fell on the edge of a coffee table.
The one I'm currently working on is a real keeper. We recently got a new light fixture for our kitchen. There was an empty junction box with some unused wire ends above the counter. There was also a nearby light switch that we figured must control those wires since it didn't seem to do anything else. After getting the thing all hooked up, we found out the switch still didn't work. For the time being, whenever we use the light we have to use a pair of tongs to put the bulbs in and take them out. The bulb looks like this:
It's a halogen bulb with two round contacts. The thing gets hot as fuck after a very short time. While heroically taking it out, it slipped out of the tongs and briefly landed on my forearm.
Here's a closer look. Talk about a tough-looking scar! Now I'm gonna have a damn smiley face on my arm for the rest of my days.
Don't you love posts that attempt to establish common ground between us all?
Here's another one.
Has this every happened to you? You're driving in your car with the radio on. Or you could just be listening to your home radio (like the olde-timey one pictured above). You're thinking about random shit as the voice on the radio is blathering on and on. During your internal dialogue a word pops into your head. Not a common word like "the" or "and". I'm thinking something more like "exacerbate" or "recalcitrant" or "hemoglobin". Then, at that EXACT same moment, the radio voice says the EXACT same word you are thinking.
No? This never happened to you? That's too bad. I guess you're not as cool as me.
...but I'm starting to worry about our pal, Grant Miller. It's very unlike him to go this long without posting or at least tell us he'll be absent. I'm beginning to suspect foul play. The last time I saw Grant he was wearing a suit and tie. This was back in May at our friend's wedding. He may have changed clothes since then, but I doubt it.
I'm asking each of you to call your local hospitals, police stations, and brothels and report back to me ASAP. Grant might be in danger and may need our help!
Unless... It's someone pretending to be Grant to throw us off the trail. This thing is like a turd. The longer you wait before flushing it down the toilet, the more it stinks.
Remember this kid? Wait, that picture is a little small. Here's another one.
That's him again. His name is Paul Quandt. I don't really have anything to say about him. I just wanted to see if anyone remembered him. I like the way he flipped off Matt Dillon.
This was the first movie I can remember seeing that had scenes in it of a place I had been to (the Lincoln Park lagoon in Chicago).
The final installment (for now). For those of you who are wondering what this is all about, go HERE. The song is "Bartali" by Paolo Conte. He's from Italy.
Edited to add: The frame you see is purely coincidental and is determined by the Blogger video device. I think it's fitting.
A number of otherbloggers like to, from time to time, share some of the search words or phrases that brought people to their blogs. I think these can be very revealing. As I've said before, most of my Google search-based traffic (about 10%) comes from "sandy duncan glass eye". It is double the next closest slot which is shared by "baseball cliches", "scat blog", and "gurgly stomach". Some of the other more obscure ones include:
"enormous areola"
"what does it mean when your girlfriend starts to annoy the shit out of you"
"why does the flintstones car tip over"
"the discourse of a taboo subject like pooping"
"sucking dick gives me an overbite"
"she has boner"
"guy blogs for guy who reads"
"sasquage" (I can only imagine this is sausage made from Sasquatch meat. I believe it's a delicacy in Canada.)
"picture of baby jesus condom"
"5691907019122d460ef82cca4cb24248" (????)
"iowa scat play" (There were a bunch of searches containing the word "scat". It's all based on one post.)
"i have a crush on alex trebek" (This one scares me!)
"crystal meth and el debarge"
"wrestlers crotch"
"dazed and confused penguin polo"
"loni anderson camel toe"
"guys toilet boner"
"ditka drunk cap boso" (Only ardent Bears fans might get this one.)
"cute puppies dicks"
"bee jizz"
"should i start smoking crack" (If you have to ask, yes.)
A demonym is a word that denotes the members of a people or the inhabitants of a place. For instance, many of you may not know that residents of Michigan are referred to as "Michiganders". I didn't know this until I moved here. There were some other demonyms that I was surprised to learn:
People from Kentucky are "Kentuckalucks"
People from Idaho are "Idahobags"
People from Maryland are "Marylandonianites"
People from Wisconsin are "Wisconsinners"
People from Iceland are "Icecubes"
People from France are "Fois-foises" (pronounced fwa-FWAZ)
People from Japan are "Japanzees"
People from Botswana are "Botswanabees"
People from Malta are "Malteds"
People from Turkey are "Giblets"
People from Spain are "Spainiacs"
People from Chad are "Steves"
I could do this all day, but I'll stop and give you all a turn.
I first started working with a 3D modeling program for work around the same time as the height of the Lord Of The Rings movies. I had never used a program like this and was trying to figure out all the commands and features -- the bells and whistles. Since I still didn't feel quite confident enough with my ability to use it for an actual billable job, I decided to have a little fun. My pal and fellow nerd, Frank, had a vision of his dream home which was basically an updated replica of a Hobbit hole. I made this fly-through for him and now I share it with you. Some of my older readers will recognize the infamous ugly green plaid upholstery (one of the program's defaults). At the end, you can see I started getting a little carried away.
I know I've been posting a lot of video lately, but this one is just over a minute. Anyone else have a vision of THEIR dream home?
As a very serious person, I don't usually like to promote humorous programming. However, I do have to thank fellow blogger Beckeye for recommending "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia". I have just finished getting myself caught up on the series and it is a fucking riot. If you don't like shows about people with absolutely NO scruples and even less intelligence, you might want to pass on this one. If you like to see taboo subjects tackled head-on and mocked mercilessly, this show is worth your time. You can watch all the episodes free of charge HERE. There is one episode in particular that perfectly encapsulated my comic sensibilities. It's in the fourth season and it's entitled "Who Pooped The Bed?" I won't give anything away, but it has perhaps one of the best endings of anything I've seen in a long, long time. I highly recommend it. Hell, even Megan thought some of it was funny and she hates TV.
Addictions can be hell. They can ruin lives, destroy families, and eventually lead to death, or at the very least some very serious health problems. It was recently revealed that star of stage and screen Salma Hayek is battling an addiction to breastfeeding. The grip has become so powerful, she has taken to going up to complete strangers on the street and offering a suckle just to get her "fix". Hell, she cornered me in the grocery store this afternoon. The woman is insatiable!
Now, it's clear that she will not be able to quit cold turkey. What I am suggesting is a detox program that consists of a weaning process in which volunteers will gradually "de-lactify" Ms. Hayek over a number of months. The only problem now is finding people who care enough about her well-being and will be able to devote a substantial amount of time to this endeavor. Ladies, this includes you (especially you). I will be videotaping the entire process so that it can be used as a treatment guide for future addicts. Interested parties should contact me ASAP so that we can help this poor woman. Time is of the essence, folks!
This is the drive I have taken to work for the last twelve years. I've super-sped it up so that you don't have to waste 20 minutes of your day AND because it looks bad-ass. I may do this again once we get all our snow so you can see the difference. The song is "Psychobilly Freakout" by Rev. Horton Heat.
I've probably written about this before, but nothing feels quite as good as intense gut-laughter. I'm talking about the kind where you completely lose control -- you can't breathe, your stomach tightens, and tears start to flow. I love it when something is so damn funny it overwhelms me. It can happen at any time and there's nothing you can do to suppress it. My brother used to embarrass the shit out of me in church as kids when he'd do something completely inappropriate and crack my ass up. There are times when I'm alone, like on the way to work, when something totally random -- some memory or joke or other bit of goofiness -- will pop into my head from out of nowhere and I'll just about have to pull over I'm laughing so hard.
I feel bad for people who haven't experienced this sensation. I hope there aren't many who haven't. I think laughter is something that unites us all. We're always on the lookout for something funny. If anyone knows someone who doesn't laugh, let me know. I want to have a crack at them.
Here are a few samples of what I'm talking about. These are reruns for some of you, but due to the recent massive influx of new visitors, I thought they were worthy of reposting:
Edited to add: After posting this I went back and watched the first video and I STILL crack up at it. Who knew a photoshopped Eli Manning post would get so much comedic mileage with me. I think this is like the fourth post I've written about it.
There just wasn't a picture to go with the topic. Ergo, you get a fart picture.
This is a short post. An observation. As someone who has visited a wide spectrum of blogs from many different places, I have noticed a disproportionate use of the word "anyhoo" (sometimes spelled "anywho") in comparison to how often I hear it used during everyday conversation. Don't get me wrong. I have no problem with the word whatsoever. I just was curious whether this is a commonly spoken word where you come from. I never really hear it around here. Of course, the people I interact with are very unsophisticated, so that may be a factor.
This is a series I started a while ago. Let me start by saying that I work damn hard for this blog. I spent the better part of the day coming up with this one. I even skipped working at the local soup kitchen like I usually do on Sunday. This post required a lot of trial and error. I had to run a number of diagnostic tests to determine what Megan finds the most annoying. After each, I'd ask, "So, on a scale of one to a hundred and twelve, how annoying was that?" Then I'd record the results on a clipboard. Well, not actually on the clipboard itself, but on a piece of paper attached to the clipboard. Anyway, the winner, at least for today, was a particularly obnoxious way of consuming Doritos. You may want to turn up the volume to get the full effect of the crunching. Enjoy.
I know this blog is usually about goofy crap, but I need you all to read something serious. This comes from a link found on longtime blog-friend Lulu's blog. I don't think I've ever done this before, but I ORDER you to read it and share it with everyone you can. This bullshit has to end. Now.
Remember that bitch-bastard of a canker sore that's been tormenting me for what seems like months now? No? Oh, right. I guess I never mentioned it. I don't like to burden you guys with my problems. You all have your own shit to deal with. Well, at any rate, it seems to be gone. I suppose I could have done more to accelerate its demise. I think they do make various salves and potions that alleviate a lot of the pain. Do doctors perform cankerectomies? If they do, it probably costs like 78 million dollars which, in my book, is WAY too expensive. Sure it hurts like a motherfucker, but I have better things to spend my 78 million on, like Hummels and blow.
Edited to add: For the record, this is not my canker. I robbed it off GIS (Google Image Search).
Megan and I are seriously considering going to D.C. for the inauguration in January. I've never been to one and, really, how cool would it be to make this one my first?
If I were Obama, I'd try to have a little fun with it. After eight years of Captain Shitburger, the country could use a little levity. It would be a good move to show everyone he has a sense of humor. I think he should emerge from the Capitol and walk up to the podium wearing:
A Che Guevara t-shirt,
a kaffiyeh,
and waving the old Soviet flag.
Then he could look out over the stunned onlookers and yell, "Psych!"
I know not all of you give a shit about politics. Me, I'm a cognizant junkie - cognizant of the fact that politics is rife with filth and bullshit. What can I say? Call it a guilty pleasure. I wanted to jot down a few things while they're fresh in my mind:
I know there will be calls for President Obama (man, is that fun!) to exercize restraint and bipartisanship in the early days of his administration. I trust Obama's wisdom to make the right calls. The only thing I ask is that he start the procedings that will send Dick Cheney to a prison where he gets his ass shredded on a daily basis. Maybe he will finally learn some empathy for those who needlessly suffered in Gitmo and Abu Ghraib.
I love how pretty much every right-wing talking head has attributed Obama's victory to his drift to the "center-right". Funny how these same people were calling him a socialist and a communist only days (even hours) earlier. This is an example of the bullshit I spoke of.
Those of you who are frightened of an imminent return of Sarah Palin in 2012, let me remind you of a few names: Bob Dole, Dan Quayle, Joe Lieberman, and John Edwards - each of whom were VP candidates on losing tickets who had unsuccessful presidential runs. There are probably others, but these are just a few off the top of my head.
I am generally not a vindictive person, but as someone who had to suffer being labeled "anti-American", "traitor", and "left-wing loon", I have to admit taking a little pleasure in flipping over to Fox News every once in a while last night and seeing their wrinkled, dejected faces. Suck it, Brit! You too, Kristol! And Barnes. Eat a bag of shit! There, that's the extent of my gloating.
I got to the poll at about 8:15 A.M. I had to wait maybe 15 minutes. In my small town of 2,500, we do it the old-fashioned way. We fill in bubbles with a pen. None of this touch-screen electronic bullshit.
In addition to the votes I cast for individuals, I also got to vote in favor of a proposition that would allow for the use of medical marijuana in Michigan. As someone who suffers from Glaucoma, this is something that affects me personally.
My newer readers may find it hard to believe, but from time to time I used to write serious posts that didn't involve cheap toilet humor. I'm warning you now that this will be one of them. It will be longer than the posts I usually do and will require that you watch a few videos and read a post from my archives for context. So, having said that, I invite you to set aside some time, make yourselves some cocoa, and curl up with something that has become a rarity at "Some Guy's Blog" - a thoughtful post.
Today is a fitting day for a post that deals with religion. Thirty-six years ago on this day, All Saint's Day, I was baptized into the Lutheran Church. Before you all go heading for the hills, this will not be a post in which I try to convert or evangelize. Quite the contrary. In fact, now would be a good time for you to revisit a POST I did a long time ago that summarizes my spiritual beliefs. The long and short of it is I no longer attend church and consider myself an agnostic.
Those of you who follow politics may be aware of the nasty Senate race taking place in North Carolina between republican incumbent Elizabeth Dole and democratic challenger Kay Hagen. Currently, Kay Hagen is ahead and Dole is getting desperate as you will see in the following ad:
This is Ms. Hagen's response:
And here is a talking head discussion on Wolf Blitzer's show with democrat Donna Brazile and republican Bill Bennett:
Let's start with Dole's original ad. Surprisingly, this is the part of the equation I find least offensive. I mean, sure, it's deceptive, dishonest, and stupid, but I wouldn't expect anything less from a desperate republican. Clearly she is in the shit-tossing phase of her campaign, hoping beyond hope that something might stick.
As far as Ms. Hagen's response, I can understand the desire to set the record straight and correct the lies that have been levied against her, but she misses the larger point which is that there is absolutely NOTHING shameful about or wrong with associating with atheists, agnostics, or any other non-believer, assuming for the moment they are acting within the law. After looking at the website for "Godless Americans" (GAMPAC), the group referenced in the ads, I can find nothing to suggest they are anything but a political action committee trying to PEACEFULLY participate in our American "democracy". These are not dangerous people from what I can tell. They aren't doing anything scary. According to their WEBSITE:
GAMPAC endorses candidates for public office who support the First Amendment separation of church and state; defend equal rights and protections for our nation's godless Americans; inform our community of the voting records of their elected representatives on issues of concern; and support our goal of having "a place at the table" in formulating public policy.
In addition, GAMPAC will facilitate the training and development of those godless Americans seeking to bring their organizations talents to the field of electoral politics
This brings me to the final video. Bill Bennett predictably questions why anyone would attend a function with people like these. He is a putz, but we all knew that. Donna Brazile saddens me. Her defense of GAMPAC is half-hearted at best. She even claims there is "strong evidence there is a god" and that people like these need to be converted.I'd be interested in seeing this strong evidence. Anyway, fuck you and your condescension, Donna.
Let me be clear. I do not begrudge anyone the right to believe whatever they want provided they will respect my right to do the same AND their beliefs IN NO WAY affect the laws that our nation enacts. Those of us who are non-believers are entitled to the same rights as any American. We are not inherently bad. We certainly don't kill others in the name of our god. It fucking offends me. I am a good person. I try to always treat others fairly and with compassion. I do nice things for others. Yet, for some crazy fucking reason, we are, with the exception of our right to vote, shut out of the democratic process. We have no voice, as far as I can tell, in terms of elected officials. Any suggestion that we are inferior or not to be associated with is bigotry, plain and simple, and runs counter to the tenets of Christianity and other major world religions. I spent many years attending Sunday School, so I am well aware of this.
Okay, Thanksgiving is over. We're all full, hungover, or both. Time to move on to the important news of the day.
Since most of you seem to be checking out
One of the things I try to avoid most when blogging is duplicating something someone has already done. My quality control staff spends hours scouring the blogs I read to make sure this sort of thing doesn't happen. However, from time to time, certain posts fall through the cracks. I had posted something about Ricardo Montalban's 88th birthday and the Chrysler Cordoba when not minutes later Dr. Zibbs alerted me to the fact that he had beaten me to the punch. Apparently he couldn't wait for Ricky's birthday to do his post. I understand. With material in high demand these days, this blogging business has become dog-eat-dog (or yak, in this case). In my defense, at least I spelled his name correctly.
Guess what delayed our flight to D.C.?
I'm leaving in a few minutes for the east coast to spend Thanksgiving with Megan's family. Before I start all that airport fun, I wanted to post -- for very the last time -- the picture of the president getting a beakjob from the pardoned turkey. Do you think that's the same face he makes when he's with Laura? Suck on THAT image for a little while!
Okay, time to let you guys off the hook. I suppose I could actually count out all the comments, but fuck it. It was a pretty underhanded thing to do in the first place.
You won't see anything new on this blog until
My apologies for not doing jack shit for y'all today, including posting anything or commenting on any of your extraordinary blogs. You guys set the bar so damn high that I can't just half-ass it anymore. So, I'll whip out a toilet post. What can I say? It's what I know. This is a picture I took in the restrooms while touring the International Prune Association headquarters last spring. Believe me, I needed ever last square.
Usually I prefer documentaries without a lot of narration, but director Werner Herzog has a way of speaking that makes everything he says seem like the the most profound, important thing you've ever heard in your life. In this film that's just been released on DVD, he goes to Antarctica, a place I've always wanted to visit. There he introduces us to what life is like at McMurdo Station, the largest community in Antarctica, home mainly to scientists and support staff. He spends time with people who are researching seals, penguins, sea life (including some amazing dive footage), and volcanoes. The film is beautifully shot with lots of interesting characters. It recently made the documentary short list for the Oscars. I would also like to recommend another Herzog doc I saw recently called "The White Diamond". Add both to your Netflix queues, bitches.
The pen had very simple origins
People didn't like the flimsiness of the feather and inconvenience of
Still, when the pen ran dry, you had to refill it
People still weren't satisfied.
As the country entered the space race,
The next phase of pen technology is only limited by our imaginations.
Sorry I can't post anything right now. 
or just sit on the sidewalk and smash them with a rock.
It's a halogen bulb with two round contacts.
Here's a closer look.
Don't you love posts that attempt to establish common ground between us all?
...but I'm starting to worry about our pal, Grant Miller. It's very unlike him to go this long without posting or at least tell us he'll be absent. I'm beginning to suspect foul play. The last time I saw Grant he was wearing a suit and tie. This was back in May at our friend's wedding. He may have changed clothes since then, but I doubt it.
Remember this kid?
That's him again.
What the fuck is up with all the German spam I've been getting lately? Has anyone else been inundated with this scheiße*?
As a very serious person, I don't usually like to promote humorous programming. However, I do have to thank fellow blogger Beckeye for recommending "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia". I have just finished getting myself caught up on the series and it is a fucking riot. If you don't like shows about people with absolutely NO scruples and even less intelligence, you might want to pass on this one. If you like to see taboo subjects tackled head-on and mocked mercilessly, this show is worth your time. You can watch all the episodes free of charge HERE. There is one episode in particular that perfectly encapsulated my comic sensibilities. It's in the fourth season and it's entitled "Who Pooped The Bed?" I won't give anything away, but it has perhaps one of the best endings of anything I've seen in a long, long time. I highly recommend it. Hell, even Megan thought some of it was funny and she hates TV.
Addictions can be hell. They can ruin lives, destroy families, and eventually lead to death, or at the very least some very serious health problems. It was recently revealed that star of stage and screen Salma Hayek is battling an addiction to breastfeeding. The grip has become so powerful, she has taken to going up to complete strangers on the street and offering a suckle just to get her "fix". Hell, she cornered me in the grocery store this afternoon. The woman is insatiable!
I've probably written about this before, but nothing feels quite as good as intense gut-laughter. I'm talking about the kind where you completely lose control -- you can't breathe, your stomach tightens, and tears start to flow. I love it when something is so damn funny it overwhelms me. It can happen at any time and there's nothing you can do to suppress it. My brother used to embarrass the shit out of me in church as kids when he'd do something completely inappropriate and crack my ass up. There are times when I'm alone, like on the way to work, when something totally random -- some memory or joke or other bit of goofiness -- will pop into my head from out of nowhere and I'll just about have to pull over I'm laughing so hard.
If you take that billy club out of your ass,
There just wasn't a picture to go with the topic. Ergo, you get a fart picture.
Remember that bitch-bastard of a canker sore that's been tormenting me for what seems like months now? No? Oh, right. I guess I never mentioned it. I don't like to burden you guys with my problems. You all have your own shit to deal with. Well, at any rate, it seems to be gone. I suppose I could have done more to accelerate its demise. I think they do make various salves and potions that alleviate a lot of the pain. Do doctors perform cankerectomies? If they do, it probably costs like 78 million dollars which, in my book, is WAY too expensive. Sure it hurts like a motherfucker, but I have better things to spend my 78 million on, like Hummels and blow.
A Che Guevara t-shirt,
a kaffiyeh,
and waving the old Soviet flag.
I know not all of you give a shit about politics. Me, I'm a cognizant junkie - cognizant of the fact that politics is rife with filth and bullshit. What can I say? Call it a guilty pleasure. I wanted to jot down a few things while they're fresh in my mind:
The sticker I got looks just like this.
Come ON, America! Enough fucking around!
Either this is the calm before tomorrow's storm
