11/21/2008

I'm Holding This Blog For Ransom...

You won't see anything new on this blog until
I get one hundred comments.
The comments can be whatever you like.
Grocery lists,
random shit out of the phone book,
you can even just say "Here!"
(or "Present" if you're a dork.)

And don't try any funny business either
like leaving a bunch of multiple comments.
One per customer. Maybe two.

You think I'm bluffing?
Try me.


133 comments:

Splotchy said...

FIRST

Poobomber said...

A picture is worth a thousand words which is worth about 300 comments- so if I link to a photo that means you owe me about 200 comments.

Thumbs up!

Mnmom said...

You rock

SkylersDad said...

(Mel Gibson voice)
GIVE ME BACK MY SON!!!

Cameron said...

Dude, I got a rash on my weiner...what do you make of that?

MelO said...

I don't respond to ransom requests... oh wait... DAMN IT! I JUST DID!

:P

Dr Zibbs said...

I'm calling the fuzz.

Dr Zibbs said...

(talking in deep voice) Hello, this is the fuzz. Is everything OK here? .....GOTHCA!!! It's just me. Dr ZIbbs. Yeah, you thought it was the fuzz!

mixednut said...

STELLA!! STELLLAAA!!

Poobomber said...

I'm going to post duplicates just to make you frustrated when you go and count all these comments.

Jon said...

One time I killed a homeless man with my bare hands, just to watch him die.

Wow, I feel so much better getting that off my chest. Thank you!

Bill Stankus said...

NO!

Amanda said...

My comment is that I have a cousin named Ransom. That is all.

raf said...

Nooo..I was about to be 14..I don't want to be n 13!
Gruunf!

raf said...

aahh..yes I'm n 14!!Thanks Amanda!

ÄsK AliCë said...

Is it good to be 15? Can I say:

FIFTEENTH!!

Hmmm, not quite the same ring as first

Amanda said...

Does it matter what number we are? If so I would like to reserve number 20, for no reason other than that I like that number.

teri said...

whatcha

teri said...

talkin

teri said...

bout

teri said...

Willis?

Amanda said...

TWENTY!

Augusto said...

Poobomber lead me to believe I would enjoy visiting your site. I'm just not sure...at least so far.

Flannery Alden said...

Boy, what you won't do for comments. Think of all those snot images you'll miss out on posting til we hit one hundred...

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Wait a minute...this sounds suspiciously like when Fernando was kidnapped from IHoB headquarters.

Crap, does this mean that Rider's going to have to travel through Mordor to find your damned blog soon?

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Oh yeah, and Poo sent me.

That'll be $50, Dopey Pants. And don't be paying me in that monopoly money you call Canadian currency. I want green, bitch, green.

RandyLuvsPaiste said...

I hate feeling forced to do anything, but I guess you leave me no choice.

Asparagus P said...

Yo, represent...Some guy keeping it real, bitches!

Spooney said...

Present!

H said...

Like Harrison Ford I'm getting Frantic

Jennifer and Sandi said...

NUMERO - THIRTY

Dear Diary:

It's cold outside today. I need to go buy a nice coat from Macy's. I also need to write about the fantastic night I had.........


- Jennifer

Dog Breath said...

You can kill the hostages but don't hurt the Blog you sunofabitch!

Poobomber said...

No, no SOME GUY is going to give you $50!!

I'm too broke to sponsor comments!

Dog Breath said...

100 post ransom?

Why not 3000?

F*cking Pu*sy!

Go on I dare you!

No make it 5000!

Stinking Blognapper Blogerist Bloghole.

Marni said...

sheesh -- feel needed much?

miss milly said...

I have a box of timbits here. Timbits anyone??

Also have one 1/2 empty steeped tea with milk.

Jen said...

I don't like grape skittles

miss milly said...

*phoot*

miss milly said...

*giggling @ dog breath*

miss milly said...

Jen I'll take the grape skittles! yum!

Dog Breath said...

The real question is "Is this Blog really worth saving?"

I mean I've never been here before, maybe it's the lamest frigging blog on the planet.

Poobomber seems to like it but he's a hand flapping retard.

Maybe by saving this blog we are limping along a scab on the interwebs that should have been put down long ago.

I don't know, like I said I just got here. Poobomber said we should post here but maybe he was just in a daze from the high quality free healthcare procedure he had this morning (He had his knees removed which is pretty stupid but since it was free, he couldn't resist. There was a waiting list for sex changes and the knee guy had a hole on his schedule).

Out of morbid curiosity I'll stick around and see what the big fat hairy deal (Garfield) is about this Blog.

Maybe I'll burn it's antennas off with a magnifying glass when it shows it's ugly cherry shaped head later.

Cora said...

Anything?! I can comment on ANYTHING? Well, great.... and for the first time here I don't know what I wanna say....

Hmm....

Yeah, I got nothin'.

Dammit.

Poobomber said...

Timbits!

Pass me some!

red said...

comment whore.

Dog Breath said...

Don't do it Poo, Timbits build up in your cell membraines over time and have been linked to cancer and mouth blisters in non-clinical trials.

There's little worse than a Timbit blister.

Cora said...

Since I've got nothing to say, I asked the kids I'm Nannying right now what they would want to say, you know, to save the blog and everything:

The one year old said to post: "Yabrikchaploonawnaw" which clearly had something to do with the crackers and naked Barbie doll she was brandishing at the time. I'll leave the fine tuning of the message up to you.

The four year old said to post: "Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Chris - HEY, do you know if dogs eat fruit?!" So, Chris, do they?!?! I had a dog that used to eat olives! Does that count?!

Dog Breath said...

The male fruit fly (Drosophila bifurca) has single sperm cells that are 5 centimeters long which is at least two centemeters longer than Poo's junk.

SkylersDad said...

Just before funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied. '2 years older than me.' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'

SkylersDad said...

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

SkylersDad said...

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'

Poobomber said...

I like cheese.

Dog Breath said...

If you stick a needle in your eye it could hurt quite badly.

Whiskeymarie said...

My cat is looking at me funny. I'm guessing it's either planning my death or it has gas.

Cap'n Ergo "XL" Jinglebollocks said...

Snap!

Whiskeymarie said...

I don't like rules.

Cap'n Ergo "XL" Jinglebollocks said...

Crackle!

Cap'n Ergo "XL" Jinglebollocks said...

Pop!

Whiskeymarie said...

I can't quit you.

Cap'n Ergo "XL" Jinglebollocks said...

there. MY work here is done.

Whiskeymarie said...

I'm done now. Four comments is enough. Four is a nice round number.

Whiskeymarie said...

Sorry. I forgot I hate even numbers.

MelO said...

Yes, but isn't six a much more "round" number, WhiskeyMarie?

McGone said...

I've called in Delroy Lindo... he should be here at any minute!

Jane226 said...

Can we start the penis game?

*penis*

Greta said...

ransoms are for pussies.

Cooper Green said...

I don't see one from me yet. How can that be?

Cooper Green said...

This gives me the opportunity to point out...

Cooper Green said...

On the next comment, which is number 69, that ...

Cooper Green said...

The square root of 69 is 8 something.

There. Wasn't that worh it?

Giggle Pixie said...

Am I #100? Who's going to count all these comments? I think I should be named #100 since I asked.

What do I win?

Poobomber said...

Dear Mr. Guy:

You have been the lucky winner of 100,000,000 British Pounds!

Please submit your name, address, phone number, and all relevant contact information on to our claims department to start your new life as a millionaire!

Ref#: 829827928HZ272

BeckEye said...

Attention whore.

BeckEye said...

It's only right that I am the 73rd comment, since I was born in '73.

Oh what a night
Mid-February back in '73
What a very special time for me
I came out of a vagina and
Into the night

Jennifer and Sandi said...

SEVENTY-FOURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR



- Jennifer

Jennifer and Sandi said...

SEVENTY-FIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Just showing you that I can count

SEVENTY-SIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Falwless said...

Nobody pays any fucking attention. HE SAID HE DIDN'T WANT MULTIPLE COMMENTS FROM THE SAME PERSON.

Falwless said...

MAYBE YOU PEOPLE SHOULD CLEAN THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR EARS.

Falwless said...

IT WAS A CLEAR DIRECTION. YOU PEOPLE ARE LIKE SECOND GRADERS WHO DRANK TOO MUCH MOUNTAIN DEW. A.D.D. MUCH?

Falwless said...

WHY AM I YELLING?

Poobomber said...

LOOK EVERYONE, HE'S NOT EVEN COMMENTING HIMSELF ON HIS WILDLY SUCCESSFUL BLOG ENTRY!!!

Some Guy....you're so modest. I love you. Really. I love you. Like kissy-love.

No, I'm just kidding, I love you but not in that way. Like a brotherly love way. Like a "You blog and I blog and we have so much in common and here we are together, alone in this room, and oh whoops, look, my shirt came undone" sort of way.

Definitely not like a mancrush sort of way.

Poobomber said...

Fally: I'm just posting multiple times in order to piss him off with his counting strategy thing.

Sass said...

I'm new here.

You said 100 condoms?

I'm going to be sticking around for awhile. Just to see how this pans out.

MelO said...

HI SASS!!

[waving!]

I love how small the blogosphere is ;)

Dog Breath said...

Ya! Hi Sass, where you been?

Poobomber said...

Hey Sass, welcome to the party. Did you bring soda? I'm thirsty.

MelO said...

Thirsty?!

Would you like some of the wine I brought? I always bring RED :)

Erica Ortiz said...

While you are boycotting, you can always swing by and check out a girl's life running with the big boys at 200+mph!

(shameless plug be damned!)

www.horsepowerandheels.com

Poobomber said...

I don't drink wine unless it's out of a pirate's wooden leg. It's just one of those things about me.

Whiskeymarie said...

I came back. I couldn't help myself.
I'm hungry. Got any chips in this place?

unfinishedperson said...

I'm 91, in honor of the year I graduated from college. (I know, dorky, but true...stopped by, thanks to Poobomber. Thanks, Poo.)

Whiskeymarie said...

Oh, and I read in the paper today that three guys in Wisconsin were recently arrested trying to dig up a dead body to have sex with it.
I thought you all would enjoy that one.

Whiskeymarie said...

My nose hurts.

unfinishedrambler said...

Do alter egos count? This is the alter ego of unfinishedperson hoping so.

MelO said...

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
I heard about that too, Whiskey. Apparently they saw a picture of her (you know, from BEFORE she died) and they decided she was so hot they needed to dig her up to screw her.

ugh.

Frickin' weirdos man!!

MelO said...

a WEEK after she had been dead (or buried?)

Dog Breath said...

Numba 97 only three more and you can go about your normal life.

I wonder how many people will jump in at the end to get the coveted 100.

Cora said...

100 yet?

Cora said...

100 YET?!

Whiskeymarie said...

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we...

Cora said...

100... YET?!?!

Whiskeymarie said...

Holy crap! I'm 100?

Cora said...

Okay, that's my good deed for the day. Gotta get my kid from school.

Dog Breath said...

Wow good prediction. in less than two minutes before the barage

Cora said...

Have fun counting by the way. Heh heh heh.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Falw....None of us can read :)

- Jennifer

Poobomber said...

Ah crap, I was on the phone and missed the 100th comment. Can you make it so that we go to 200 now?

Falwless said...

No, make it so we go to 108!

OH WAIT. OH. MY. GOD. OH MY GOD. HOLY CRAP! I'M.. I'M 108!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poobomber said...

SAY SOMETHING ALREADY!!! IS THE BLOG SAFE?? CAN WE HAVE IT BACK NOW? YOU DIDN'T ...TOUCH...IT AT ALL DID YOU?!?!?!

Christ, I was ready to call in Russell Crowe for help even.

Dog Breath said...

The russian military is now deploying the opium gas into the ventilation system, the power has been cut and men are stationd on adjacent rooftops.

Let the Blog go or we're coming in!

H said...

That was the best laugh I had in the past hour.

Lurker said...

LMAO! NICE WORK.

Poobomber said...

A poem dedicated to the guys who were going to have sex with a dead person:

I was here but now I'm gone,
I'm barely decayed and quite turned on,
Please oh please don't let me be forgotten,
So lay with me and fuck me rotten.

Damn I'm good at this stuff. (Poetry, not screwing dead people.)

Gwen said...

Fuck! I'm 114. I'm always late to the party. Is there any beer left?

Gwen said...

Well, I commented before I read the other comments so I may be the actual 114 but I'm not sure you've reached 100 single-person comments yet so I decided to come back and fuck with you like everyone else and write a really, really, really long run-on sentence that has nothing to do with anything but is really, really, really long like this one right here.

Gwen said...

Is it sad that I'm genuinely sad that I missed out on all the fun today?

vikkitikkitavi said...

Gets what?

Sans Pantaloons said...

I'm late to this party. I will say that however good Blogging is, it will never replace sitting around a table having a beer and chewing the fat. We can come very, very close to getting inside each others brains, and even appreciate the thinking process of someone on another continent, but we can't leave a smell when we take a dump in each others can.
If you know what I mean.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Looks like I'm last to the party.. you all went home. I'm gonna hang round and drink from all the 1/2 finished drink cups layin around. (You know, like that kid in Caddy Shack, then he yaked in the sun roof of the Porche. What was his name? Spalding?).
I'll be ok. I can handle it. Oh yeah, Poo sent me. Like hours ago.

bubbles said...

Oh, Sans... you brought tears to my eyes... :-) I'm so moved by your comment... heh, heh, heh.

~E said...

Dammit! I'm always late for the party!

Suze said...

121 comments - damn dude - good going.

Cormac Brown said...

Damn Chris, I was literally going to do the same thing until I reached twenty comments (my own don't count and I've still never gotten there).

Fancy Schmancy said...

I guess I'm late to the party...

Doc said...

Would you like to see the dimples on my butt?

Doc

125

Miss Alex said...

I always catch this shit late...

Grant Miller said...

I'm the worst blog commenter ever.

Frank Sirmarco said...

My friend doesn't like you...

Frank Sirmarco said...

I don't like you either...

Frank Sirmarco said...

I have the death sentence on 12 systems...

Frank Sirmarco said...

YOU'LL BE DEAD!

Winter said...

Comment!

Missy said...

thanks to all of you for entertaining me!