Last night I got into a conversation with a friend of mine about bad landlords we've had. My last landlord was a nightmare. Despite my requests, she took a year and a half to repair a leaky roof - a leak that I had nothing to do with. It finally got to the point that when it rained, it didn't just drip like a leaky faucet. No, there was a continuous stream of water that would soak my kitchen floor. There were all sorts of problems with the place, but I learned early on that trying to get her to fix something was futile. She tried to stick me with a, get this, $1700 cleaning bill after I moved out. I ignored it and she never followed up.
I thought I had it bad, but my friend's took the prize. He lived for a year in Jersey City in an apartment that, according to him, should've been condemned. He had roaches, mice, and a huge snake that lived beneath his floor. One day, his landlord knocked and asked to use his bathroom. He let him in and went back to whatever he'd been doing. When he went to use the bathroom, he found his toilet and the area surrounding it drenched with piss. The guy hadn't even made an effort to get it in the bowl. The next time he tried this, my friend wouldn't let him in, despite the landlord telling him he had to and that, after all, he was the landlord.
A later encounter involved his landlord instructing him that the water bill was too high and that it was his fault. Nevermind the fact that he lived alone and beneath him was a family of ten in the same size apartment as his. Hmm, I wonder who was using all the water!
The landlord took him outside and showed him a water main valve on the outside of the house. He told him that he was supposed to shut off the water each day when he left for work. My friend told him to go fuck himself and that he wasn't going to shut off everyone in the building's water. The landlord proceeded to shut the water off himself. My friend told him he'd just wait until he got in his car and turn it right back on. The landlord warned him at this point not to, and things were getting heated. The landlord got in his car and my friend turned the valve back on, screaming in a George Constanza voice, "I TURNED IT BACK ON!" as the guy drove away.
We decided the best landlords are the ones that fix broken shit promptly, leave you the hell alone, and don't pee all over your bathroom.