4/09/2007

Thank You, Baby Jesus...

Hey gang!

This is your humble blogger checking in from the beautiful outer banks of North Carolina. I should warn you, I feel a little off-kilter. For one, I'm posting at night. I'm on a foreign computer. Plus, I've enjoyed a number of G & Ts over the past few hours.

In addtion to all this, I have been filled with the glory of the holy spirit. You see, as of a few hours ago, I am born again. This transformation has nothing to do with the recent resurrection festivities or any other divine interventions (gin). It is all about convenience. I've decided to give up and give in. Some of life's questions are just too tough. There is one thing I've found to make it all a little easier. One thing that can free me from the torment of all those unanswerable questions.

It's baby Jesus.

Baby Jesus is all you need. It's so simple. All of life's mysteries can be chalked up to the will of baby Jesus. Like, for instance, where does gin come from? Baby Jesus! Why are limes green? Baby Jesus! Why does the ice in my glass melt? Well, because the room temperature is above 32 degrees. And why is that? B to the mutha fuckin' J, baby!

I've got more shit in my bag of tricks, so stay tuned. Right now, I'm off to seek a job in the Bush White House.

Hosanna in the highest, bitches!

16 comments:

The Boob Lady said...

B to the motherfuckin' J? I didn't think of Baby Jesus when I saw this.

Just sayin'.

Happy Late Easter!

Anon. Blogger said...

Baby Jesus it the Christmas version. Dead, but not dead, Jesus is the Easter guy.

Read up, mister! :-)

I love me a Tanqueray and Tonic!! Yummmm!!! (I may not know how to spell the stuff, but I know how to say it and what it tastes like!)

Anon. Blogger said...

Oh, and gin is the only 'real' martini!!

Frank Sirmarco said...

It's only logical that excessive drinking leads to baby Jesus. Probably oodles of coke, too.
Just look at Dubya.

Skylers Dad said...

Missed ya Chris, can I hear a Yay-ya!!!

GETkristiLOVE said...

C'mon, admit it. You've been up to a little T&A, not a little G&T.

Flannery Alden said...

Man, you are drunk.

Phil said...

Where does Chris's drunk post come from? Baby Jesus.

lulu said...

amen anon. blogger....somewhere in my archives is a long post about that very thing.

lulu said...

The gin martini thing that is...

Grant Miller said...

Mmmmmm gin and tonic.

Laaw-yuhr said...

1) G&T's rock. We should have a drink sometime.

2) It looks like baby jesus is floating in the middle of a condom.

Bubs said...

We were celebrating my brother's birthday last week, and I was holding a glass of whiskey in my hand. His 2 year old daughter was talking about Easter coming, and Baby Jesus, and I asked if she loved Baby Jesus, and of course she said "yes."

Then I held up my glass and said "see this? THIS is the Baby Jesus I worship!" Then someone hit me.

My advice to you? Don't blaspheme.

Chris said...

Boob Lady- You dirty-minded Canadian you!

Anon- I heard somewhere that even as an adult, he was still a big baby, always whining about this or that.

Frank- Razor-sharp analysis, as usual...

S.D.- May the peace of the lord be with you always.

GKL- I admit nothing...

Flann- Yeah, like you aren't.

Phil- You've got it!

Lulu- Gin always makes me think of you.

Grant- They're very refreshing. Not to mention, chock full of vitamins and minerals.

Laaw-yuhr- Good to have you and you're correct on both counts.

Bubs- This is one of the perks of having a blog - a vast network of people that I can learn from. Thanks! This was a tad blaspheme-y.

Anon. Blogger said...

Chris:

Hahahaha!!! Great response!! Love it!

Big Orange said...

Shit. I've been wasting all that damned time with God Talk. Why the hell didn'tcha TELL me this, dood??