Comic Dissection: Cathy...

Everything I know about women I learned from reading "Cathy". Actually, that's a lie. I never read "Cathy". You know why? Because it's shit and she doesn't have a nose.

I chose this strip for today's discussion because of its mention of internet issues. The first three panels are pure set-up. Some dude is explaining the concept of "cookies" to a brain-addled Cathy and how they are used to gain valuable information about internet users. Cathy, in a dizzying display of ineptitude, fails to comprehend that the "cookies" being described are not the actual edible cookies she is apparently so fond of. Exasperated, she wails that her other dietary vices have already revealed enough about her. Although it is only alluded to, my guess is that Cathy feels that these things (chocolate, cake, and ice cream) have revealed that she has a weight problem. The truth is, what's really revealed is that Cathy is ignorant and insecure.

More Comic Strip Explanation...

I like it when people have recurring features on their blogs. I've tried a few (remember my short-lived interview series?), but I end up forgetting about them. I really enjoyed posting about Bazooka Joe and thought I'd tackle another thought-provoking comic, "Snuffy Smith".

Unfortunately, Snuffy himself is not present in this particular installment, but his presence is felt nonetheless. It starts out nice enough. Elviney drops by to give Loweezy a new peach recipe. Imagine Loweezy's consternation as she laments the thought of planting yet ANOTHER peach tree. You see, Paw (Snuffy, in this case), is under the assumption that you need to grow different peach trees for different dishes made from peaches, and has labeled them as such. The implication is that Snuffy is a hillbilly and, thus, quite dumb.

Political Gobbledy-gook...

I've kept my mouth shut about politics for a while now. I can only muster outrage for so long. I still follow it all, though. Call me an optimist. Contrary to the overwhelming evidence that we just don't seem to give a shit (or we figure it's a losing battle), I like to think someday we might just demand change. Here are a few things on my radar right now:

• Fuck all this deference to the generals. Who the fuck are they? Anytime I hear some shill say to anyone who is "pro-bringing an end to this god-forsaken mess" that they "need to give the generals a chance to do their jobs" and "not try to micro-manage", I feel blood start to drip from my earlobes. Are these the same generals that have gotten us to where we are now? Are these the same generals that are too weak to stand up and tell us what we already know - that this is a losing proposition? Fuck them. They are part of the problem. Generals are in no way above scrutiny.
• I get equally enraged when I hear people saying that we can't set a timetable because "if they know that we're leaving by a certain date, they'll just wait us out." So, do we stay until they surrender? And who exactly are we wanting to surrender? The Sunnis? The Shia? Al Qaeda? All of the above? Suppose whoever we want to surrender does. We leave. They peek around the corner to make sure the coast is clear and *BOOM*, they're back to their old tricks. I'm oversimplifying, but my point is that, by their framework, it is nothing but a neverending battle. Honestly, do these people think there will come a time where we will subdue violence in Iraq? Dubya is like someone who knocked down a hornet's nest and can't understand why he's being stung as he continues to stomp on it.
  

Damn Liberals...

I was watching Newt Gingrich on "This Week" and saw him make a compelling case for why the Virginia Tech massacre (and Columbine) was the fault of liberals (watch HERE). His case is pretty much air-tight.

I wondered, though, why Newt stopped there. After all, couldn't the case be made that liberals are to blame for ALL the murders in this country? Better yet, aren't they to blame for every crime committed in this country? In fact, I think it is safe to say that liberals are to blame for anything that ever went wrong in each of our lives- EVER. They're certainly to blame for this pathetic blog post.

Newtie, bubbie, you gotta go whole hog on this premise! None of this half-assed shit!

By the way, nice name.

Newt. Cracks me up.

Home Improvements...

I'm thinking about re-siding my house, but I want to do something unique. I've settled on three options. Tell me which one you like best:

The first option is a paisley finish. Megan happens to like paisley a lot. It is pretty trippy-looking.

This one may be hard to see. It's a camouflage finish. Notice how nicely it blends into its surroundings. I think the numerous militia people around here will really like this.

This one has a Dick Cheney finish. I figure this will scare off any unwanted intruders. Plus, think of how nice it'll be to come home to this everyday.

Embarrassing Yourself...

I am a firm believer in the good that comes from self-deprecation. Without it, we start to take ourselves too seriously which can lead to a whole bunch of problems. If you have a few minutes, feel free to watch me humiliate myself as I drive to my office and "sing" along in my car. If you can actually sit through the awfulness and list all the songs (or at least all the artists)I'm butchering, I will reward you in some way.

I'm not sure why the video is so jerky. I never claimed to be Fellini or anything.

Odd Google Searches...

Someone from Midlothian, VA just found my blog by typing in the following phrase:

what do i do when a guy wants to touch my bubs

Bubs, you want to weigh in on this one?

420...

Smoke 'em if you got 'em!

*For all you squares, more explanation HERE.

Blog Scorecard...

This is probably lame, but I figured since I have a number of new visitors, I'd create a handy reference explaining the different degrees of separation between myself and other bloggers.

Bloggers I am romantically linked to:
Megan - By & By

Bloggers I have known since my teens:
Frank - The Sirmarco Letters
Erik & David - Nevada Thunder
Grant - The Official Site Of Grant Miller
Geo - Say It Ain't So, Geo
Phil - God's Own Suburb
Dave - Bad Art Global
Val - Valerie's Life

Bloggers whose homes I've been in:
Megan
Frank
Erik & David
Flannery Alden - Prone To Whimsy
Doc - Social Zymurgy: The Culture Of Beer
Anne Altman - Two Can Anne

Bloggers I Have Spoken To On The Phone:
Megan
Frank
Erik & David
Flannery Alden
Anne Altman
The Boob Lady - The Ups & Down Of Boobs & Things
Big Orange - Frying Bacon In The Nude
Melissa - This Is It? Seriously?

Bloggers I Have Seen Within The Last Two Years:
Megan
Frank
Geo
Grant
Erik & David
Flannery
Doc
Anne Altman
Val
Melissa
Lulu - Land-O-Lulu
Tenacious S - Tenacious S
Clare - The Clareverse
Genn6 - Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
Elizabeth - Elizabeth's Sanctuary
Bubs
MizBubs
Johnny Yen
Phil


I'm sure this will be of great interest to all of you!
Cut me some slack. It's Friday and no one is looking at blogs anyway.

Poor Fish...

This is a Crappie.

Some people pronounce it "Croppie", probably because they feel crappy calling it a Crappie.

It's OK. They don't mind being called Crappies. There are worse things they could be called.

I mean, shit, it's nowhere NEAR as bad a name as the South American Cuntfish.




Alright, you got me. There's no such thing as the South American Cuntfish. But don't tell the Crappies. They feel crappy enough as it is.

The Question No One Asked...

Yesterday, Alberto "Gonzo" Gonzales, the Attorney General, appeared before the Senate Judiciary Committee. News reports have described the questioning as "brutal", "relentless", and "withering".

However, they failed to get the AG on record regarding the issue of most concern to the American people - just what IS the status of his long-rumored relationship with Camilla the Chicken? I think it's time we got the truth, sir.

Bazooka Joe - 1, William Shakespeare- 0...

I noticed things getting a little heavy on this blog lately. Rather than post about puppies with cancer like I had originally planned, I decided to turn to a sure-fire source of laughs - my buddy Bazooka Joe. Check out how Joe twists Ol' Willie's words around for a zing of epic proportions. You can tell by the expression on his face in the final frame that Mr. Shakespeare KNOWS Joe got him but good. Bravo, Joe! Well played, as usual.

Documentary Film Of The Day - After Innocence...

Everyone has different causes that they feel passionate about. For some, it may be the peace movement and protesting the war. Others want to raise awareness for different diseases and raise money to find cures. As I talked about a little in THIS POST, something I feel very strongly about is compensating those who have been falsely imprisoned for crimes they didn't commit.

After Innocence is a documentary that follows a number of exonerrated prisoners, some of whom sat in prison for twenty years or more for something they never did. It's heartbreaking. The majority of convictions that are overturned with the use of DNA testing turn out to be a result of false eyewitness identifications. I can't even begin to imagine the pain and frustration these men suffered, knowing inside, the entire time, that they got the wrong guy. The most outrageous part is that, once the mistake is discovered and the falsely accused is set free, there is no compensation or programs provided to assist these people. Many were locked up in their teens and now have no training or skills with which to make a living. I think it's a travesty.

If you can, please watch this movie. Notice the grace of these men who, by all accounts, should be bitter as hell. Instead, many of them have dedicated themselves to preventing future mistakes and supporting each other as they readjust to their newfound freedom. It's powerful stuff.

To The Joker Who Signed Me Up For A Subscription To "Working Mother" Magazine...

Good one!

A Blog Lullaby...

Last night I accompanied a client to a zoning board of appeals hearing. They wanted to be granted a variance that would've allowed them to build their new home outside of the established site setbacks in the ordinance. Their existing home that will be torn down was built before the new ordinance and is currently outside the setbacks. The new home would be an improvement. They wanted to do this in deference to their neighbors, so that they would obstruct as little of their view of Lake Michigan as possible. This would've also allowed them to keep an existing well rather than dig a new one (between $3000-$4000).

Long story short, they were denied, unanimously, despite making every effort to be sensitive to their surroundings. Their neighbors all wrote letters of support for what they wanted to do. I'm not anti-codes by any means. I think they need to be there to keep people from running amok. However, there has to be some common sense and flexibility.

I'll bet that made you sleepy! I got drowsy just writing it.

*Edited to add: This is not the zoning board we went before, but apparently they all look about the same. Ours had four people: one older woman and three older men.

Darkness...

Times seem really dark right now. There is a lot of anger, fear, and desperation out there. People seem to getting close to their breaking points, if they haven't reached them already. It's not hard to understand why people are depressed, or at least pretty stressed out.

And yet...

In my little universe, things are going great. It kinda reminds me of an old Bill Hicks bit about how he'd watch CNN and hear about war, death, violence, disease, natural disasters, etc. and then look out his window and see none of it, just hear crickets chirping, and wonder where all this shit is happening. For the first time, I am in love with a wonderful woman. I have a new car, business is decent, and my family and friends are happy and healthy.

Allow me to get mushy for a second. Part of my overall good mental health is due in some part to you, my blogging friends. Although I haven't been leaving as many comments as I'd like lately, I read each of your blogs daily and take comfort in knowing that there are decent, creative, funny people out there who care about others and the world around them. I know we all tease and bitch and mock, but under it all is a goodness that is evident. I don't say it often enough (probably because you'd all make fun of me), but I sincerely value this dialogue we have. Writing the shit that I write, both the serious and nonsensical, has been one of the most cathartic things I've engaged in. I appreciate what y'all have given me - a lot of laughs, but also a sense of community that makes me feel good.

United 93...

I never would've imagined I'd be saying this.

This movie was fucking good.

I had avoided this movie for a long time, assuming it would be some sort of "Let's roll!"-style, hyper-patriotic piece of propaganda. It wasn't. In fact, it was pretty much devoid of any politics whatsoever. Even though we all know how the story went, they managed to make the film riveting and gripping. It was documentary in it's treatment, with no known actors that I recognized. Granted, it's a dramatization and everything has to be taken with a grain of salt, but as a dramatic piece, it worked. I can't remember hearing "Let's roll!" once during it. If you're like me and have your doubts, I recommend checking it out.

This was a good lesson in not making assumptions. Even so, I still refuse to see "Passion Of The Christ".

It Depends...

As much as I love toilets, I'm not fully convinced adult diapers would be so bad.

As long as they can successfully wick moisture away from the skin, neutralize odors (as advertised), and don't leak, I think I could get on board.

Frankly, all this fly-zipping and unzipping is getting tiresome.

The Seven Songs Tag...

This comes via Beth. I think it's neat that some of the songs I'm into right now are recommendations from other bloggers. They include:

1. American Music by Violent Femmes. In general, I like up-tempo rockers more than slower ballads. I also tend to favor sound over lyrics. This one was recommended by Flannery. It's been popping up on my I-Pod often. It makes me happy.
   
2. The Mariner's Revenge Song by The Decemberists. Megan has been singing the praises of this band and I can see myself getting into them. I always liked the tune, but then focused on the lyrics and discovered a neat little story being told.
3. 12:59 Lullaby by Bedouin Soundclash. This one was mentioned at some point by my pal, The Boob Lady. Oddly, it's a slower ballad. It's so damn pretty!
   
4. Beverly Hills by Weezer. Geo reminded me that this was a song I should probably have. I love the sound and it reflects the helplessness of a guy like me who wants to attract the attention, briefly, of the entertainment industry.
5. Time Bomb by The Old 97's. Another rocker that I like to play on the way home Friday afternoon and rock out to. I love the looks I get from other people on the road.
6. Bolivianita by Ibrahim Ferrer. I think this is his prettiest song. You might remember him from the Buena Vista Social Club. He rocks a red suit, no?
   
7. The Luckiest by Ben Folds. I consider myself pretty damn lucky these days.

For the record, I am always open to music recommendations, either entire albums or individual songs. There's a link to a list of albums I own on the right.

Ted Stevens: Major League Douche...

The Daily Show did a nice bit about my absolute least favorite senator, Ted Stevens of Alaska. You may remember Ted from his description of the internets as a "series of tubes". Ted is also the guy behind that famous "bridge to nowhere". The Daily Show made fun of him HERE, too. He's been in the senate since 1968. It saddens me to know that this slimy fuck will have federal buildings named after him once he retires.

Wheels...

Well, I finally did it. I got a new car. Actually, a used car. Well, a used truck. The last time I did this was over ten years ago. You can see it in the picture. Don't worry. It's an old picture. There's not that much snow anymore.

I have to tell you, there's all sorts of cool new features on cars these days. For example, there are these buttons that allow me to lock and unlock the car (both doors!) with a single touch. These other buttons open and close the windows electronically - no cranks! And, get this, there's this series of buttons that allow me to set and maintain my speed without having to touch the gas pedal! Amazing! I was fiddling with some of the other knobs and was shocked to discover cooled air blowing on me at one point. That is going to be a nice thing to have during the summer months.

Hats off to my old truck. It was a '93 Ranger. I bought it in '97 with 45,000 miles. Since then, I've put 200,000 more miles on it without any major repairs. Anyone want it? I'm practically giving it away.

Of Swingline Staplers And "O" Faces...

Yesterday morning, before heading back to Michigan, I was flipping around the channels at my mom's place. I happened upon an edited version of "Office Space" on Comedy Central. My mom asked, "What's this?"

"You've never seen 'Office Space'?" I asked, somewhat surprised.

"No. I've never heard of it."

"WHAT!?"

Now, my mom may not be super-hip, but she's definitely hip enough to at least have HEARD of "Office Space". I told her how great it was and we started watching it. It had just started and was at the part where Peter shocks himself on the doorknob. As he walks to his cubicle, you hear the increasingly louder drone of:

"Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking...Just a moment."

Peter cringes as he turns on his computer. He asks Milton to turn down his radio. He refuses. Then comes Lumbergh and the TPS report issue.

It's cool to see someone laughing at this movie for the first time. My mom was cracking up. We continued to laugh until one of my mom's friends dropped by. They chatted over coffee while I switched over to "Meet The Press".

When I got back home to Michigan, they were replaying the movie and I was able to pick it up at about where I'd left off. I started thinking about how great a movie it is. The writing is fantastic. The characters are perfectly developed and portrayed. There is a nice mix of understated performances (Peter, Joanna, Michael) and over-the-top ones (Milton, Lumbergh, and Drew). In fact, someone I know plays softball with Drew (the "O" face guy, played brilliantly by Greg Pitts) and says he's just as funny in real life. The movie also has an excellent ending that wraps things up perfectly.

This movie approaches the sublime in my opinion. It's near flawless. I always knew it was good, but I think I'm prepared to put it among not just my favorite comedies, but my favorite movies, period.

Helping GM Turn Things Around...

I think it's high time they brought back the Chevy Monza.

And none of this redesign bullshit. I want it to look just like this.
It's hott!

Question Of The Day...

Do you HAVE to let it linger?

I mean, seriously...

Cracker Jack Prizes...

For those of you who haven't had a box of Cracker Jacks in a while, let me warn you, the prizes have gone way downhill. They suck to the point that you're better off buying Crunch & Munch or Fiddle Faddle and forgoing the prize altogether.

I'm having homemade crabcakes for dinner. I can't remember ever having them before. Are they better with chocolate or vanilla frosting?