Documentary Film Of The Day - After Innocence...

Everyone has different causes that they feel passionate about. For some, it may be the peace movement and protesting the war. Others want to raise awareness for different diseases and raise money to find cures. As I talked about a little in THIS POST, something I feel very strongly about is compensating those who have been falsely imprisoned for crimes they didn't commit.

After Innocence is a documentary that follows a number of exonerrated prisoners, some of whom sat in prison for twenty years or more for something they never did. It's heartbreaking. The majority of convictions that are overturned with the use of DNA testing turn out to be a result of false eyewitness identifications. I can't even begin to imagine the pain and frustration these men suffered, knowing inside, the entire time, that they got the wrong guy. The most outrageous part is that, once the mistake is discovered and the falsely accused is set free, there is no compensation or programs provided to assist these people. Many were locked up in their teens and now have no training or skills with which to make a living. I think it's a travesty.

If you can, please watch this movie. Notice the grace of these men who, by all accounts, should be bitter as hell. Instead, many of them have dedicated themselves to preventing future mistakes and supporting each other as they readjust to their newfound freedom. It's powerful stuff.

To The Joker Who Signed Me Up For A Subscription To "Working Mother" Magazine...

Good one!

A Blog Lullaby...

Last night I accompanied a client to a zoning board of appeals hearing. They wanted to be granted a variance that would've allowed them to build their new home outside of the established site setbacks in the ordinance. Their existing home that will be torn down was built before the new ordinance and is currently outside the setbacks. The new home would be an improvement. They wanted to do this in deference to their neighbors, so that they would obstruct as little of their view of Lake Michigan as possible. This would've also allowed them to keep an existing well rather than dig a new one (between $3000-$4000).

Long story short, they were denied, unanimously, despite making every effort to be sensitive to their surroundings. Their neighbors all wrote letters of support for what they wanted to do. I'm not anti-codes by any means. I think they need to be there to keep people from running amok. However, there has to be some common sense and flexibility.

I'll bet that made you sleepy! I got drowsy just writing it.

*Edited to add: This is not the zoning board we went before, but apparently they all look about the same. Ours had four people: one older woman and three older men.

Darkness...

Times seem really dark right now. There is a lot of anger, fear, and desperation out there. People seem to getting close to their breaking points, if they haven't reached them already. It's not hard to understand why people are depressed, or at least pretty stressed out.

And yet...

In my little universe, things are going great. It kinda reminds me of an old Bill Hicks bit about how he'd watch CNN and hear about war, death, violence, disease, natural disasters, etc. and then look out his window and see none of it, just hear crickets chirping, and wonder where all this shit is happening. For the first time, I am in love with a wonderful woman. I have a new car, business is decent, and my family and friends are happy and healthy.

Allow me to get mushy for a second. Part of my overall good mental health is due in some part to you, my blogging friends. Although I haven't been leaving as many comments as I'd like lately, I read each of your blogs daily and take comfort in knowing that there are decent, creative, funny people out there who care about others and the world around them. I know we all tease and bitch and mock, but under it all is a goodness that is evident. I don't say it often enough (probably because you'd all make fun of me), but I sincerely value this dialogue we have. Writing the shit that I write, both the serious and nonsensical, has been one of the most cathartic things I've engaged in. I appreciate what y'all have given me - a lot of laughs, but also a sense of community that makes me feel good.

United 93...

I never would've imagined I'd be saying this.

This movie was fucking good.

I had avoided this movie for a long time, assuming it would be some sort of "Let's roll!"-style, hyper-patriotic piece of propaganda. It wasn't. In fact, it was pretty much devoid of any politics whatsoever. Even though we all know how the story went, they managed to make the film riveting and gripping. It was documentary in it's treatment, with no known actors that I recognized. Granted, it's a dramatization and everything has to be taken with a grain of salt, but as a dramatic piece, it worked. I can't remember hearing "Let's roll!" once during it. If you're like me and have your doubts, I recommend checking it out.

This was a good lesson in not making assumptions. Even so, I still refuse to see "Passion Of The Christ".

It Depends...

As much as I love toilets, I'm not fully convinced adult diapers would be so bad.

As long as they can successfully wick moisture away from the skin, neutralize odors (as advertised), and don't leak, I think I could get on board.

Frankly, all this fly-zipping and unzipping is getting tiresome.

The Seven Songs Tag...

This comes via Beth. I think it's neat that some of the songs I'm into right now are recommendations from other bloggers. They include:

1. American Music by Violent Femmes. In general, I like up-tempo rockers more than slower ballads. I also tend to favor sound over lyrics. This one was recommended by Flannery. It's been popping up on my I-Pod often. It makes me happy.
   
2. The Mariner's Revenge Song by The Decemberists. Megan has been singing the praises of this band and I can see myself getting into them. I always liked the tune, but then focused on the lyrics and discovered a neat little story being told.
3. 12:59 Lullaby by Bedouin Soundclash. This one was mentioned at some point by my pal, The Boob Lady. Oddly, it's a slower ballad. It's so damn pretty!
   
4. Beverly Hills by Weezer. Geo reminded me that this was a song I should probably have. I love the sound and it reflects the helplessness of a guy like me who wants to attract the attention, briefly, of the entertainment industry.
5. Time Bomb by The Old 97's. Another rocker that I like to play on the way home Friday afternoon and rock out to. I love the looks I get from other people on the road.
6. Bolivianita by Ibrahim Ferrer. I think this is his prettiest song. You might remember him from the Buena Vista Social Club. He rocks a red suit, no?
   
7. The Luckiest by Ben Folds. I consider myself pretty damn lucky these days.

For the record, I am always open to music recommendations, either entire albums or individual songs. There's a link to a list of albums I own on the right.

Ted Stevens: Major League Douche...

The Daily Show did a nice bit about my absolute least favorite senator, Ted Stevens of Alaska. You may remember Ted from his description of the internets as a "series of tubes". Ted is also the guy behind that famous "bridge to nowhere". The Daily Show made fun of him HERE, too. He's been in the senate since 1968. It saddens me to know that this slimy fuck will have federal buildings named after him once he retires.

Wheels...

Well, I finally did it. I got a new car. Actually, a used car. Well, a used truck. The last time I did this was over ten years ago. You can see it in the picture. Don't worry. It's an old picture. There's not that much snow anymore.

I have to tell you, there's all sorts of cool new features on cars these days. For example, there are these buttons that allow me to lock and unlock the car (both doors!) with a single touch. These other buttons open and close the windows electronically - no cranks! And, get this, there's this series of buttons that allow me to set and maintain my speed without having to touch the gas pedal! Amazing! I was fiddling with some of the other knobs and was shocked to discover cooled air blowing on me at one point. That is going to be a nice thing to have during the summer months.

Hats off to my old truck. It was a '93 Ranger. I bought it in '97 with 45,000 miles. Since then, I've put 200,000 more miles on it without any major repairs. Anyone want it? I'm practically giving it away.

Of Swingline Staplers And "O" Faces...

Yesterday morning, before heading back to Michigan, I was flipping around the channels at my mom's place. I happened upon an edited version of "Office Space" on Comedy Central. My mom asked, "What's this?"

"You've never seen 'Office Space'?" I asked, somewhat surprised.

"No. I've never heard of it."

"WHAT!?"

Now, my mom may not be super-hip, but she's definitely hip enough to at least have HEARD of "Office Space". I told her how great it was and we started watching it. It had just started and was at the part where Peter shocks himself on the doorknob. As he walks to his cubicle, you hear the increasingly louder drone of:

"Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking...Just a moment."

Peter cringes as he turns on his computer. He asks Milton to turn down his radio. He refuses. Then comes Lumbergh and the TPS report issue.

It's cool to see someone laughing at this movie for the first time. My mom was cracking up. We continued to laugh until one of my mom's friends dropped by. They chatted over coffee while I switched over to "Meet The Press".

When I got back home to Michigan, they were replaying the movie and I was able to pick it up at about where I'd left off. I started thinking about how great a movie it is. The writing is fantastic. The characters are perfectly developed and portrayed. There is a nice mix of understated performances (Peter, Joanna, Michael) and over-the-top ones (Milton, Lumbergh, and Drew). In fact, someone I know plays softball with Drew (the "O" face guy, played brilliantly by Greg Pitts) and says he's just as funny in real life. The movie also has an excellent ending that wraps things up perfectly.

This movie approaches the sublime in my opinion. It's near flawless. I always knew it was good, but I think I'm prepared to put it among not just my favorite comedies, but my favorite movies, period.

Helping GM Turn Things Around...

I think it's high time they brought back the Chevy Monza.

And none of this redesign bullshit. I want it to look just like this.
It's hott!

Question Of The Day...

Do you HAVE to let it linger?

I mean, seriously...

Cracker Jack Prizes...

For those of you who haven't had a box of Cracker Jacks in a while, let me warn you, the prizes have gone way downhill. They suck to the point that you're better off buying Crunch & Munch or Fiddle Faddle and forgoing the prize altogether.

I'm having homemade crabcakes for dinner. I can't remember ever having them before. Are they better with chocolate or vanilla frosting?

Praise...

I don't usually do this, but my pal Frank has really been doing some great shit over at The Sirmarco Letters lately. For a while he only posted sporadically, but he's really been hitting his stride recently. If you don't already frequent his blog, consider checking it out. Call him "Frunkles". He likes that.

By the way, Happy Hump-day everyone! It's 12:30 and I'm still in my pajamas! HA HA! (In my best Nelson of The Simpsons voice.)

My First LTTE...

Because she is too busy sunning herself and drinking champagne cocktails, Megan has asked me to tackle some of her pending letters to the editor. I am going to try and do it with the same tact and eloquence that she always does. Here goes:

Bums at bus station

When my sister passed away, I travelled to Pittsburgh via bus. The Norfolk terminal was disgusting - so many beggars, bums, and delinquents at that station.

All my other stops were great. Security and cleanliness were intact. Hats off to the stations in Pittsburgh, Washington, D.C., and Richmond.

Norfolk, though, needs work. Get those bums out who are not travelling from Norfolk's station.

David M., Hertford, NC


Dear David,

Eat a bag of shit, you heartless horse's ass.

Sincerely,
Some Guy

p.s.- Sorry about your sister.

Thank You, Baby Jesus...

Hey gang!

This is your humble blogger checking in from the beautiful outer banks of North Carolina. I should warn you, I feel a little off-kilter. For one, I'm posting at night. I'm on a foreign computer. Plus, I've enjoyed a number of G & Ts over the past few hours.

In addtion to all this, I have been filled with the glory of the holy spirit. You see, as of a few hours ago, I am born again. This transformation has nothing to do with the recent resurrection festivities or any other divine interventions (gin). It is all about convenience. I've decided to give up and give in. Some of life's questions are just too tough. There is one thing I've found to make it all a little easier. One thing that can free me from the torment of all those unanswerable questions.

It's baby Jesus.

Baby Jesus is all you need. It's so simple. All of life's mysteries can be chalked up to the will of baby Jesus. Like, for instance, where does gin come from? Baby Jesus! Why are limes green? Baby Jesus! Why does the ice in my glass melt? Well, because the room temperature is above 32 degrees. And why is that? B to the mutha fuckin' J, baby!

I've got more shit in my bag of tricks, so stay tuned. Right now, I'm off to seek a job in the Bush White House.

Hosanna in the highest, bitches!

You're Not Going To Believe This...

I'm leaving on another vacation! Spring Break! Woo hoo!

I'm going to visit my lovely girlfriend. We shall be spending time at the beach. I'm praying it's not too cold for me to wear flip flops.

I may be checking in from time to time with updates. For now, I'm leaving the comments as an open forum with which to amuse yourselves. I was too preoccupied to hire a guest blogger.

You've Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me!...

Yeah, I'm aware I live in the north and snow in April is not uncommon, but fuckin' a!

Shortbus...

I admit, when I add films to my Netflix queue, I don't always read up on what the movie is about. If it's won a few awards or looks like it might be a bit subversive, that can be enough for me. Yesterday, I received the movie "Shortbus". It wasn't what I was expecting.

For some reason, I thought this was going to be some off-color biopic about Sammy Sosa (Frank will understand this). Imagine my shock when, in one of the first scenes, there is a guy contorting himself trying give himself a blowjob (I won't give away whether he's successful). The movie continues from there with many scenes of gay sex (anal and oral), straight sex, orgies, masturbation, and domination.

It was very odd to see a film with so much graphic sex (which included penetration) that wasn't a porno. There was an actual story with some depth to it. I'm not sure if I liked the movie all that much, but I definitely applaud the filmmakers and actors for their courage to try something new.

Unlikely Home Decor...

All year long, I leave a bag of Kingsford charcoal on the floor next to the door by my deck, in plain view in my living room. Most people would find some place out of sight in which to store this, especially during the winter. I look at it as a constant reminder that, yes, it will get warm again. Plus, it has our nation's colors - colors that, contrary to popular belief, do not run.

Michiganderisms...

For the most part, there aren't too many striking differences between the way people talk in Chicago and the way they talk in Michigan. One saying I don't remember hearing anywhere else but here is "Jeez-O-Pete's".

For example, someone might say "Boy, I really nailed a 6-pointer with my car on the way home from bowling last night." The reply would be something like, "Jeez-O-Pete's! Is it totalled?"

Do people by you use this expression?

House Guests...

I love having house guests.

I had two this weekend. They come up from Chicago more often than anyone. They love it up here. They've come enough to know exactly what to expect from me as their host.

You see, I have a very laissez-faire approach to house guests. I don't go apeshit in my preparations like others might. I tidy up, but I don't thoroughly clean. I do even less if no females are coming. I don't go buy a ton of groceries, mostly because I have such fucked-up eating habits that I don't want to buy stuff that won't get eaten. I do buy a few essentials like beer and snacks. Aside from that, I try to create a relaxed atmosphere. Guests are free to come and go as they please. If they want to do stuff, I'm available, but I never have any sort of agenda. If they'd like to do or see something up here, I'm happy to facilitate it. If they want to do nothing more than lay around all weekend and drink beer and grill food, I make sure that they do it in a guilt-free environment.

My guests are the best. They are not demanding. They are not above sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor. They supply a lot of the food and drink. They do most of the cooking. They also leave the house like it was when they arrived. When they leave, they thank me for having them when really it's me that should be doing the thanking.

So if you're ever in the area and want a cheap (free) place to stay, don't hesitate to ask!

Be Afraid...

I don't have many phobias. I can fly on a plane without incident. I don't get too nervous about speaking in public. Snakes don't really freak me out.

There is one thing, however, that terrifies me. It's very existence strikes fear into the hearts of even the bravest men. There have been nights I've awoken, dripping in my own cold sweat, with nightmares of this lone tormenter.

Please, don't let on that I told you. This entity thrives on fear.

Be warned. The following photographs will send a chill up your spine.

It's Avril Lavigne.

And she's sticking up her middle finger.

She's so fucking tough.

I just hope I'm not the next person to be on the receiving end of her patented ass-whuppings.

Words I Haven't Used Yet...

I've written just over 500 posts since I started blogging. That adds up to a lot of words. In many cases, a lot of these words get used more than once. I wanted to figure out some of the words that have been neglected thus far, so I did a search for a few. They have not appeared in this blog until now. They include:

• abhorrent
• bilge
• corpulent
• dysfunctional
• excretory
• flatulent
• garish
• homunculus
• inane
• junk
• knob
• lugubrious
• misanthropic
• nincompoop
• obstinate
• petulant
• quixotic
• rapscallion
• succulent
• torpor
• unctuous
• vibrator
• warped
• xanthophyll (this one surprised me too!)
• yucky
• zealot
  

For Those Of You That Have Seen "Strange Brew"...

I think I had about the same amount of beer this weekend as Bob McKenzie did when he was trapped at Elsinore Brewery.

For those of you who have never seen "Strange Brew", shame on you.