Because I Know The Georgia Girls Are Jonesing...

Boyne Mountain, Winter, 2005

Coming Home...

I always know I'm close when I see this sign.

Something New I'm Gonna Do...

Remember back when you first started your blog? Hardly anyone visited. The only people to leave comments were a few friends who took pity on you. It was kind of like being the new kid at school. Slowly, over time, you got up the nerve to venture out, find people you shared stuff in common with, and coax them over to see what you had to offer. In my case, I was unknown until Grant offered me some time to promote myself on his unbelievably popular site.

The thing is, I feel bad for those early posts - the ones where you really tried because you knew a good first impression was essential. It's a shame for them to go unnoticed.

So, each day I am going to go deep into one of my blog-pal's archives and leave a comment somewhere, sort of like the tooth fairy. I'm not going to say which post it is, but I'll leave hints as to who I'm targeting. It's up to you to find them. Isn't this going to be fun?! Hey, stop yawning!

More Movie Shit...

Last night I watched "Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid" for the very first time. What a flick! First, the photography is beautiful. It's funny, but not over-the-top funny. Bacharach's music seems a little odd at first, but I liked it overall. Paul Newman has got to be one of the coolest mother-fuckers of all time. He and Redford make a hell of a team. Now I have to see "The Sting". I've never seen it, either. I have problems...

Anomaly #2...

I love apples

BUT

I don't eat apple sauce, apple pie, apple butter, apple crisp, or Apple Jacks (TM).

I rarely drink apple juice or cider.

I don't own an Apple computer.

I don't listen to Fiona Apple.

I have never been to the Big Apple.

And I think you know my feelings on Gwyneth's baby-naming tendencies.

*Edited to add: Chicago was fun. My niece is cute as ever. I ended up getting her the Fisher Price Farm, a toy that I had as a little kid. It's different from mine, but it made sounds and seemed to hold her interest for more than a few minutes. I consider that a success.

Before I Go...

Does anyone need me to pick up anything in Chi-town while I'm there? Italian Beef? A lock of Mayor Daley's hair? Anything?

You kids behave while I'm gone, OK? If I come back and things are a mess, it'll be curtains!

Books That Are Currently On My Coffee Table...

The Cabin: Inspiration For The Classic American Getaway
A great book with photos and thumbnail plans of cool, custom cabins. Each of them are faily small, just the way cabins should be.

The Rustic Furniture Companion: Traditions, Techniques, And Inspirations
I took a rustic furniture class taught by Dan Mack, the author. He does a good job of showcasing both his and other funiture-makers work.

Harper Collins Spanish-English Dictionary
Every once in a while I like to know how to say a word in Spanish.


Trout - An Illustrated History
A neat book of trout paintings (watercolor) with interesting information on each.

Stone
I've mentioned Andy Goldsworthy before. He's the guy who does environmental art. Amazing stuff.

Jim's Journal...

Are there any other "Jim's Journal" fans out there? It's amazing how something so devoid of discernable humor could crack me up so much.

Snow...

I am looking out my office window at a blanket of about three inches of snow. The ground is completely covered. The drive in today was amazing. The sun was rising, but the western sky was pink. The wet roads looked pink from the reflection. The trees, which are still quite colorful, had a dusting of white. To the north, there was an ominous dark sky. The combination of the sun, the pink, the trees, the snow, and the dark northern sky made for an eerily beautiful sight. Too bad I didn't have my camera. I did see one guy pull over and take a picture.

Going New-Q-Ler...

I was prompted to talk about this based on a thread over at Bells On. Hold on tight, because it's going to be provocative.

As to the threat of North Korea and Iran having nuclear weapons, I say they have every right to have them. Here's why:

We have them.

Let me break it down for you. Both of these countries are sovereign nations, correct? And, for better or for worse, these countries have leaders. We may not like them, but they exist. If you are the leader of a sovereign nation and another country (us) that has nukes is speaking very threateningly towards you, isn't it your responsibility as the leader to do something to deter that threat in order to protect your constituents? The only deterrent to a nuclear weapon that I can think of is another nuclear weapon. Like it or not, these leaders are only acting in the interest of their nations. You see, nuclear weapons do not discriminate between military and civilian, between leaders and their people, when it comes to killing.

Now, you'll say that these countries are just going to give this technology or the actual weaponry to the terrorists or, in Iran's case, they'll use them to destroy Israel. I ask you, is that in their nation's best interest? Don't you think they realize that would result in their complete annihilation? I suspect they are aware.

The fact is, nobody needs nukes. There should be none. They kill without prejudice on a massive scale. As the computer in "War Games" aptly put it in regards to nuclear war, "The only move is not to play."

October 13th...

October 13th is a big day in my family. My brother, sister, and niece all share the same birthday. My brother and sister are twins. Last year, my sister gave birth to my niece, Nora, on her 30th birthday. I'm going down to Chicago this weekend to celebrate the first year of life of the cutest baby of all time. First stop, as usual, will be my friend's restaurant Friday night for some good Eye-talian food. Then, out to the 'burbs for some quality baby-time.

Since I have some readers that are mothers, any gift ideas? I was thinking about giving her a gross of bottle rockets. Kids love fireworks.

Anomaly #1...

I am a big fan of the music of Phil Ochs, Billy Bragg, Utah Phillips, Pete Seeger, Woody Guthrie, and various other socialist/protest rockers,

BUT

I don't own a single Bob Dylan album. I just never got into his music.

I did download "Hurricane" for my I-Pod because it reminds me of that kick-ass scene from "Dazed & Confused" when they're all walking into the arcade for the first time.

A Memorable Post...

I have never, in my life, used the word "feckless" in a sentence.

You have just witnessed a first.

This Is Getting Ridiculous...

Man, I suck at tag. Since this one came from Flannery Alden, one of my favorite blog-pals, I shall oblige without a lot of whining...

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE

1. Gas Station Clerk - Dick's Phillips 66
   
2. Garbage Man - Addison Park District
   
3. Bike Tour Leader - Michigan Bicycle Touring
   
4. Sales Associate - Brookstone (worst job ever)
   

FOUR FICTIONAL JOBS YOU WISH YOU HAD

1. Time Traveller
   
2. Peacemaker
   
3. Feeder Of The Masses
   
4. Boob Inspector
   

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN

1. Best In Show
   
2. The Natural
   
3. Dazed And Confused
   
4. The Godfather
   

FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN

1. Elmhurst, IL
   
2. Champaign, IL
   
3. Buc, France
   
4. Boyne City, MI
   

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH

1. The Office
   
2. McLaughlin Group
   
3. The Sports Reporters
   
4. The Sopranos
   

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION/TRAVELED TO

1. Cape Town, South Africa
   
2. Portofino, Italy
   
3. Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico
   
4. Jaco, Costa Rica
   

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY

1. Crooks & Liars
   
2. Yahoo's Daily Crossword Puzzle
   
3. Fox News (again, keeping an eye on the enemy)
   
4. Something Naughty I Don't Want To Mention
   

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS

1. Frozen Motherfuckin' Pizza
   
2. Lobster
   
3. Mostaccioli With Meat Sauce At My Friends' Restaurant
   
4. Italian Beef
   

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD EAT OR DRINK

1. Mashed Potatoes
   
2. Apple Pie
   
3. String Beans
   
4. Eggs (I took this to mean things I currently don't eat because I don't like them, but that I wish I could so I wouldn't look like such a nerd.)
   

FOUR THINGS IN YOUR ROOM

1. A South African Flag
   
2. A Nautical Chart Of Lake Michigan
   
3. Luggage
   
4. A Broken Alarm Clock
   

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD IN YOUR BEDROOM

1. A Cool, Attractive, Naked Woman
   
2. A Really Cool Rustic Bed Frame
   
3. A Teleportation Machine
   
4. A Fireplace
   

FOUR THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW

1. Plaid Button-Down Shirt
   
2. Levi's
3. Plaid Boxers
   
4. White Socks
   

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW

1. Vail, Colorado
   
2. Barcelona, Spain
   
3. Behind The Curtains In The Oval Office
   
4. On A Kayak On Some Lake In The Adirondacks
   

FOUR FICTIONAL PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW

1. Hell (just to see if it's as bad as they all say)
   
2. Mister Roger's Land Of Make Believe, so I could tell that skank, Lady Elaine, to shut her piehole.
   
3. Utopia
   
4. Nirvana
   

FOUR PEOPLE YOU’D REALLY LOVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH

1. George Carlin
   
2. Molly Ivins
3. Billy Bragg
   
4. Nelson Mandela (I think we all could figure shit out.)
   

FOUR FICTIONAL PEOPLE YOU’D LIKE TO HAVE DINNER WITH

1. Amelie
2. Aunt Jemima
   
3. Kramer
4. Han Solo

FOUR MORE PEOPLE YOU’D LIKE TO HAVE DINNER WITH

1. Harvey Weinstein
   
2. Sarah Price
   
3. Some Fat Cat Hollywood Agent
   
4. Kirby Dick (So I could convince them to make my movie.)

I'm not sure if people like being "tagged" or not, so I'll leave it up to you, but I tag anyone on my links list that has not yet answered and would like to.

The Bizarro President...

So as I understand it, President Brain-Trust is upset about a proposed measure that would require the appointed head of FEMA to have a minimum of five years experience in disaster management before being considered for the job. As you may remember, Michael "Heckuva Job" Brown worked for the Arabian Horse-Fucker Association or some such thing before becoming FEMA's top banana. We all saw how that turned out.

So Dubya is pissed because he thinks this would limit his ability to appoint whoever he wants, no matter how incompotent or unqualified they might be. Our leader, ladies and gentlemen...

*I am not going to hunt for a link to this story. I sense my readers trust me implicitly and, if not, are savvy enough to track down this story themselves.

Fantasy Football Update - 10/9/06...

I suck balls.

My season is a bust. I haven't won a single game. I won't give a rat's patoot, though, if the mighty mighty Bears of Chicago continue their dominance. Hey, fellow Bears fans, how cool is it to see a team that not only has a blistering defense, but an offensive juggernaut as well? They are a pleasure to watch.

Of course, they are a Chicago team, so I should temper my jubilance somewhat.

New Additions To My Links...

It's been a while since I've added new links to my blog, so I figured the time is right. The following people made the cut:

Dirty: She has been a faithful commenter since my brief reign on Grant's site. She claims to be actively looking for a wife for me. We'll see...

Phil: Also a faithful poster and fellow Elmhurst native. He also spells his last name the same way most people misspell mine.

The Boob Lady: She has a funny blog about life in a lingerie shop. She's from Canada. She's The Boob Lady - 'Nuff said!

Zed: I recently won Zed's Seinfeld trivia quiz. Please forgive how much of dork it makes me look like. I just have a knack for useless trivia. Always have.

Smut Peddlers Invade Northern Michigan...

On my drive to work, there is one of those buildings that is constantly changing uses. It's been a mattress store, a window store, an office, a plumbing supply store, and more. Just the other day a sign went up saying that it was now an adult bookstore, the first one I've seen north of Traverse City (about 1.5 hours south of me). The picture above is not it, just a sample for people who have never seen one.

I'm looking forward to future drives to and from work. Now, when I see people coming and going, I can give them a friendly toot on the horn and watch them cower in shame. It could be good for a few laughs. Of course, this is only on the days when I don't need to stock up on stuff myself.

Meet The Minority Whip...

This guy's name is Steny Hoyer. He's from Maryland. He's the second highest ranking Democrat in the house. I've never heard of another person named Steny. It rhymes with Benny, Denny, Kenny, and Lenny, but apparently those names were a little too mainstream for Mom & Pop Hoyer. I have mixed feelings about this name. Part of me thinks that it sounds just a touch "hoi polloi", but I do appreciate the uniqueness of it.

By the way, when a person "hoys", what exactly are they doing?

It's Beard Time!...

Now is about the time I usually start to grow my yearly winter beard. I've been doing it for the last 4 or 5 years. I started doing it in order to assimilate to the northern culture. You see, the first part of November is the beginning of firearm deer season. This is a huge deal around these parts. For certain schools, kids even get opening day off. It is common practice for hunters up here to grow their beards out in anticipation. While I am not a hunter, I figured this was one way I could join in their "reindeer games" (no pun intended). It's itchy as hell for the first month, but then I get used to it. I also like how it looks when I'm skiing on a snowy day and little icicles form on it. It makes me feel like an arctic explorer.

The big advantage is how much the ladies love it. Facial hair guarantees hot and cold-running chicks, believe me.

Just Out Of Curiosity...

Does anyone here speak a foreign language and, if so, what is your level of fluency.

I speak Spanish pretty well. I'm nowhere near fluent, but my vocabulary is broad and I have been able to understand and be understood in Spanish-speaking countries.

My French is awful despite living there for nine months. I do remember various words from time to time.

My German is worse than my French. I took a couple weeks of it in college, but I didn't need the credits to graduate, so I dropped it to focus on more important academic pusuits (beer).

Christmas Is Just Around The Corner...

The perfect gift for the terror-warrior in your life!

I'll let THIS speak for itself.

One Door Closes, Another Opens...

She's as good as mine!
Jen, if you're reading this, come on over and let daddy make it all better. That turd was never good enough for you.

This post registered a 7.0 on the Creep-o-meter.

Two Movies. One Good, One Not So Good...

I'm going to talk about two movies that I recently saw on cable. They both have similarities and differences. Let's start with the good one:

This is one of those movies that sucks me in each time it's on. First, it has an all-star cast: Tobey Maguire, Reese Witherspoon, Joan Allen, William H. Macy, Jeff Daniels, J.T. Walsh, Paul Walker, Don Motherfuckin' Knotts, Marley Shelton (cute as a button), and Patrick Thomas O'Brien. Mr. O'Brien has some "Saved By The Bell" crossover - he played monotone teacher Mr. Dewey in a few episodes. He's the guy in the bowling alley with the ironing burn on his shirt. This movie is pretty sappy, but in a clever way. The use of color is great. The music is well done. Joan Allen is an incredible actress and I actually like Reese in this one. A feel-good story with a lot of heart. Now the bad:
This movie also has an all-star cast: John Murray (Bill's younger brother), James Keach (Stacy's younger brother), Jennifer Tilly, Brian Backer (Mark Ratner from Fast Times At Ridgemont High), Adelaide from Diff'rent Strokes (Nedra Volz), Clara "Where's The Beef" Peller, Wendi Jo Sperber, Fred Willard, and Sally Kellerman. I remember watching this when I was younger. It contains comic gems like an old lady mistakenly sitting on a urinal (because she's old and senile), trying to go to the bathroom and wondering why her back is wet. You also have Wendi Jo Sperber drinking a bottle of Crisco and rubbing grease all over her ass, then jogging on the freeway. A movie so bad it's a must-see.

Are You Tolerant?...

I feel bad. I took the bait. A few posts ago, I poked fun at Rep. Mark Foley, the Republican party and their penchant for young boys. That was wrong. I apologize to my vast Republican readership for my words. My personal beliefs require that I work to forgive Mr. Foley for his actions, not kick him while he's down. He obviously has some serious things to work through and I am going to refrain from passing judgment on him.

Thinking about this last night led me to thoughts about how tolerant a person I am. I have always thought of myself as extremely tolerant - tolerant towards people of all races, religions, and sexual orientations. However, the more I thought about this, the more it seemed that saying I'm tolerant is arrogant in and of itself. It implies that people different than me need to be tolerated, that somehow they are a nuisance, like a kid screaming in a restaurant. This is baloney. It should not be necessary to make some concerted effort to accept someone's differences. Acceptance should be automatic, something you do without effort. Saying you are tolerant of some other group or type of person is nothing more than further subjugation of said group or person. The fact is, everyone's fucking different and we should recognize that.

C'mon everybody! Join me! Kum Bay Yah, my lord, Kum Bay Yah...