Well, I have avoided it long enough. For too long, the public has gone without my insight into the vast minutiae of everyday life. For too long, you, the reader, have lacked access to what's on the mind of some unknown thirty-something white guy. I understand now how starved our nation is for something like this. Take heart. I am here now. I am prepared to deliver all of you out of the darkness. Whenever there is a new fart joke waiting to be told - I'll be there. Whenever some punk-ass politician says something stupid - I'll be there. And whenever a compromising photo of an up-and-coming young female starlet surfaces on the internet, believe me - I'll be there. You see, my intent for this blog is both simple and modest - to completely change the lives of any and all who read what I write. Anything less than that would constitute complete and utter failure. Please join me on this journey, won't you?
(Christ, I'm a fucking dork.)