6/26/2007

The Post Where I Get Put On Every FBI & CIA Watchlist There Is...

I have this neighbor. His name is Freedom Jones. Yeah, I know. It's a pretty unusual name. Anyway, I have one of these "Gorilla Ladders". It's really nice. It's versatile. You can use it as a step ladder or an extension ladder or even modify it to use as scaffolding. Freedom asked to borrow it one day. I told him, "Sure, use it whenever you like." After all, I strive to be neighborly. Now, maybe this was my first mistake. I mean, I said this assuming that he'd return it when he was finished AND that it'd be returned in the same condition as when he borrowed it. Well, he NEVER fucking returns it without me having to ask him. Plus, last time I got it back it was all sticky, like his kids had been eating Popsicles and gotten them all over their hands and rubbed them all over my fucking ladder! Gross! On top of all this, his goddamn dog barks constantly and shits all over my yard.

I can't stand Freedom. In fact, I think I hate Freedom. He was OK at first, but now he's a total prick.

12 comments:

cheer34 said...

We don't talk to our neighbors. The south side one likes to get dressed in black and look in our windows and the north side complain we are to loud while washing cars on a saturday afternoon.

Fling the poop back into Freedom's yard. Or gather it up in a paper bag and set in on his front stoop. And remember to chain with a lock the ladder so he get take it anymore.

'Bubbles' said...

The US Government doesn't mind if the citizens here at home don't like Freedom - so you are o.k., Some Guy.

They take issue with other countries' Freedom - so they invade them.

Hm. What's Freedom's dog's name?

I hate when someone uses your ladder and gets it all dirty. This has happened to me more than once. Seriously. My nice clean ladders have been returned coated with crap. Grrr.

GETkristiLOVE said...

Give Freedom a chance! Oh wait, I guess you already did.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Oh, so finally the guy who is always asking other people why they hate freedom gets a taste of his own medicine. Awesome.

mixednut said...

He's obviously a terrorist and shouldn't be trusted with some guy's ladder.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Freedom just hasn't been the same since 9/11. Give him a break.

Big Orange said...

if it's a ladder, are you SURE it's just Popsicle sticky on the ladder? Maybe they were doin' some peeky-peekin??

Jen said...

most neighbors SUCK

Zed said...

Neighbors are the bane of our existence. Why don't you just shoot him and get it over with?

Phil said...

Isn't that how the song goes?

Freedom's just another word for, fucking with Chris's shit...

Frank Sirmarco said...

Push him in to a vat of boiling oil - that way you can have a freedom fry...

I'm sorry.

Skylers Dad said...

First you ladder, then your right to bear arms. It's a slippery slope Chris.