I know my posts lately have been a little lackluster. I promise it has nothing to do with my recent romantic escapades. I plan on rectifying this in the coming days, so bear with me.
Yesterday was Dickle's 66th birthday and I fucking missed it!
I'm going to be away until next Wednesday. I'll be in beautiful Norfolk to visit my beautiful girlfriend. Man, does it feel weird to say that.
As I may have mentioned before, I used to work at TCBY while I was in high school, along with recent interview subject, Frank. It was right around the time the frozen yogurt craze was sweeping the nation. We would have lines out the door and cars backed up waiting to use the drive-thru. Customers would often have trouble grasping a few of the main concepts of the TCBY menu, mainly the policy on toppings. When I worked there, toppings, which included candy, nuts, fruit, hot fudge, etc., were fifty cents for two scoops, 25 cents for one (a total fucking rip-off). People would come in and figure that toppings were unlimited and were shocked to learn that their cup of yogurt, now covered in Oreo crumbs, M & Ms, Strawberries, and many other things, was now about ten bucks. As employees, we would dream up potential topping choices the bigwigs at TCBY had not yet thought of. They included:
I mentioned this film way back in August. It's finally out on DVD. I watched it last night. As I expected, this was a great film. Filmmakers Kirby Dick and Eddie Schmidt, along with some crafty private investigators, bring the MPAA ratings board out into the open and expose them to the light of day. For those of you unfamiliar, the MPAA rating board is the appointed body charged with deciding whether films will be G, PG, PG-13, R, or NC-17. It is basically in the pockets of the major movie studios. They can make or break a movie insofar as most major theater chains will not run NC-17 films. There are no real set standards for how these ratings are determined. It really is a sinister system that more people should be aware of. The movie is funny and features many accounts of directors that had to alter their movies in order to get them an R rating. It will make you mad, but is still done in an entertaining way. I will continue to sing the praises of Mr. Dick's documentaries. They are among some of my favorites. Plus, I like being able to put a naked ass on my blog when I can.
Who else finds the word "crotch" humorous?
I used to love to make forts, inside or outside. Of course mine were much more inspired than this kid's rather pedestrian attempt. For one, he's not utilizing all the materials at his disposal, mainly blankets and other furniture. Mine would have intricate tunnels with little nooks and crannies. I think one even had a sunken living room with a woodburning stove. If I knew this kid, I'd offer him some pointers, but alas, he's just some random shmoe that popped up during a Google image search. He'll never benefit from my years of experience. How unfortunate.
Believe it or not, Ernest Borgnine is 90-years-old today.
I predict that before Dubya is able to utter his 9,653rd speech defending his crappy Iraq policy, he will open his mouth, releasing a horde of dung beetles that will scatter throughout the halls of congress, devouring everything in their path. At this point, Dick Cheney will sprout bat-like wings and hover over the chamber, vaporizing the beetles (and any surviving democrats) with lasers from his eye sockets. After the dust has settled, Dubya will look squarely into the camera and tell the shocked populace that they should support the troops by going to Disney World.
I ask you, what the hell does a clam have to be so happy about?
Like Vikki and Johnny Yen said, see this movie. Just see it. If you know people who still think the Iraq War is good or cool, make them see it, too. If you think military conflict in general is wise, see the fucking movie.
I have never bought anything off eBay. In fact, I have barely even looked at eBay before today. I'm just not into having more stuff. However, thanks to a post over at The Slack, I was inspired to check and see if one of my favorite childhood toys, Rocket Hockey, was available. There is one. I set up an account so I could place a bid. However, every time I up my bid, some jackass ups it by 50 cents. I'm sure there's some sort of automatic bid set-up that allows the other bidder to do this, but I haven't spent the time to study the various options. I doubt I'll get it. Bidding ends at like 10:00 PM and I'll be at my computer-less home by then. Too bad. If you'd like to see a short video detailing the awesomeness of this toy, click HERE. It's basically the same thing as real hockey, minus the ice, skates, hockey sticks, and other players. Other than that, it's the real fucking deal.
There is one supermarket in my town and they just incorporated two do-it-yourself grocery checkout aisles. I'm sure this is something you city-folk have been using for years, but they're new to me. I like them. For one, I seem to be WAY faster at scanning my shit than the people who do it professionally. I also get to avoid something I loathe - small talk. Besides, as a bachelor, it's a little embarassing to go in, week after week, and buy the same frozen pizzas and ice cream novelties (not to mention all the anti-diarrheal medicine).
...former Hugh Hefner paramour, Barbi Benton,
television's Mr. Belvedere, Christopher Hewett,
and the Mama that isn't Cass, Michelle Phillips, have in common?
O'Reilly and Colbert are going to be on each other's shows tonight. O'Reilly's putrid cesspool of a show starts at 8:00 PM (Eastern) and Colbert's starts at 11:30 PM (Eastern).
I don't think that anyone who has never experimented with LSD, Psilocybin Mushrooms, or any other hallucinogen has any right to ever refer to something as "trippy".
Since the response to my original interview was SO well-received, I've decided to try another. No one has had more of an impact on my decision to start a blog than Grant Miller of The Official Site Of Grant Miller. I sat down with Grant recently to pick his brain on a few of the more pressing issues of the day. His answers appear in bold.
Fish Ties?
Tupperware Frozen Pops?
Rodney & Rhonda Reindeer?
Crystal Radios?
First, I'm not an American Idol watcher, but is Ryan Seacrest always such a smarmy douche?
Hey, no one's making you go to this thing, you crabby twat. Why don't you two just go away for a while.
I think we've found Hollywood's new power couple.
Yeah, Pivs, you love your mother. We get it.
Beyonce Knowles
I watched this over the weekend. This is the kind of documentary I like - one that exposes an obscure group of people united by their love of (and prowess at) a relatively mundane activity, in this case, solving crossword puzzles. Now, I'm not sure how much this movie will appeal to people who don't do crosswords, but if you like movies about slightly eccentric people, this one shouldn't disappoint. I happen to love crosswords, so I really liked this movie. It also includes interviews with famous crosswordophiles like Jon Stewart and Bill "Bubba" Clinton. They spend time on how crosswords are constructed. They also show a lot of footage of a crossword competition. Just ordinary, everyday people that happen to be the best at what they do. What was cool was that there were points in the movie where they'd put up partially solved clues, so that you could pause and sort of play along at home. Ken Burns of PBS fame talked about how he does the New York Times puzzle every day. I decided that is something to strive for - the ability to do the NYT puzzle each day (not necessarily solve it) if I wanted to.
Orbit.
Big League Chew.
Chicklets Tiny Size.
It was recommended that I see "Mr. Smith Goes To Washington". I thought it was excellent. Sure, some of it is a little corny, but much of it is still applicable to today's politics.
A few summers ago I began a brief stint as a crew member on a boat competing in a weekly regatta held on my lake. It was a nightmare. I didn't know jack squat about sailboats. The boat I was on was a scow, a very fast boat, but also one prone to tipping over easily. Scows have flat hulls, kind of like a big windsurfer, and "daggerboards", rather than a central keel, that you raise and lower depending on which way you're heeling. There were a few times we tipped due directly to something I fucked up. Luckily the rest of the crew were easy-going and didn't give me too much shit. I decided to surrender my spot to someone else the following summer.
I don't think I've ever had a papaya before.
You can watch Creed on "The Office" tonight at 8:30 P.M. (Eastern) and laugh your ass off
I never thought he could do it. I was about as dead-set against any sort troop escalation as anyone could be. After last night's landmark speech, however, I see the error of my ways.
Our friend, Anne Altman. Anne runs a blog called Two Can Anne. She was one of the very first blogs I started reading. I had the pleasure of spending time with Anne and her cat, Doodle, while in New York City recently. For those of you who follow her, she is pretty much exactly like you'd imagine. I was happy to learn that Anne was willing to answer a few questions. Her answers appear in bold.
