1/11/2007

Avast, Ye Matey...

A few summers ago I began a brief stint as a crew member on a boat competing in a weekly regatta held on my lake. It was a nightmare. I didn't know jack squat about sailboats. The boat I was on was a scow, a very fast boat, but also one prone to tipping over easily. Scows have flat hulls, kind of like a big windsurfer, and "daggerboards", rather than a central keel, that you raise and lower depending on which way you're heeling. There were a few times we tipped due directly to something I fucked up. Luckily the rest of the crew were easy-going and didn't give me too much shit. I decided to surrender my spot to someone else the following summer.

The one thing I did enjoy was brainstorming names for our craft. A few of my suggestions were:
  • Miocardial Infarction (three of us were ski patrollers)
  • Bloody Stool (I bet there aren't any other boats named this)
  • Satan's Chariot (sounded intimidating)
  • Those Aren't Buoys (Seinfeld reference)
  • Harvey Walleye-Banger (there are Walleye on my lake)
They didn't use any of mine. Shocker. But hey, mine beat the shit out of lame-o names like "Liquid Assets" or "Wet & Wild".

7 comments:

Kirsten said...

My ex's boat is named "The Pillowfight." It gets a lot of thumbs-up on the highway.

Grant Miller said...

I often think the best days of my life were spent aboard boats on Lake Michigan. Good times.

Melinda June said...

Bloody Stool is the best boat name ever.

vikkitikkitavi said...

What about Open Heart Sturgeon? It's got it all: romance, humor, and fish.

Jen said...

Satan's Chariot
is a winner

Big Orange said...

that looks like a BIG ORANGE in the water, there...

Besides, I thought you did best with SNOW, not large amounts of open WATER.

How about "Big Juicy Titties" for a boat name?? Just sayin'...

Chris said...

Kirsten- Hey! Welcome! It was nice to see you at Lago over Christmas. Images of pillowfights are very popular among males, it's true.

Grant- Better than drinking Dr. Pepper in your basement?

Melinda- Thanks. That's my personal fave, too.

Vikki- Well crafted!

Jen- I also like that a chariot is completely non-nautical. Keeps people guessing.

B.O.- I like water either way - frozen or thawed. I would bet there's someone out there with that name on their boat!