6/04/2007

IMDb To The Rescue...

So I'm watching "Serpico" yesterday and towards the end of the movie when Frank is in the hospital and there are a bunch of cops milling around outside his room, there was one cop who looked suspiciously like Judd Hirsch. He had no lines. I waited until all the credits were done, but his name never came up.

I checked HERE and, sure as shit, he was in it (uncredited). Please do not ask me why this has any importance in your life whatsoever because, clearly, it doesn't.

Remember When I Altered All Those Comic Strips?...


This could prove just as dangerous...

I Finally Had A Chance To Fuck Around With This Thing...

There are way too many options, so I'm not sure I've settled on anything yet.

Do Y'all Realize...

My girlfriend is going to be living with me in like a few weeks!

I'm gonna make sure she gets as much jerky as she wants...





Oh, knock it off! Perverts.

Bacala...


How sad...

Attention Rozerem Users...


DO NOT, under any circumstances, take Rozerem if you are on Luvox or Fluvoxamine!!!

In fact, you probably don't want to be in the same room as Luvox or Fluvoxamine. A five-mile buffer zone is recommended.

I just like the words Luvox and Fluvoxamine, especially when said consecutively. If I ever had twins, that's what I'd name them.

6/01/2007

My Least Favorite Filmmaker...

Michael Bay

Pure suck.

You can feel the smarminess and pomposity oozing out of each pore.
He is the "Anti-Maysles".

My Favorite Filmmaker...

I first noticed Albert Maysles name in an interview of Sarah Price, one of the producers of "American Movie". She cited him as one of her favorite documentarians. This was around the time I had signed up for Netflix and was on the lookout for interesting films. Since that time I've been working my way through his catalogue of films. Last night I started watching his series of films on Christo and Jeanne-Claude, the artists behind those grand environmental artworks like the Gates in Central Park or the Running Fence in California. I was reminded of what I love so much about his films. Not only is the photography stunning, but the action is all spontaneous and natural with minimal intrusion by Maysles. It's the way all of his films are. They are subdued and contemplative, but always real. One of the best lines that got captured was from an iron worker working on one of his installations that involved being suspended high from a cable. He said he was "as nervous as a whore in a peter patch." Most of the time, something like this would sound contrived, but it was so authentic it was priceless. I can't think of a filmmaker whose films I consistently love as much as his.

I urge all of you who have Netflix to start adding his stuff to your queues.

5/31/2007

Roof It!...

This is the grade school I went to. It's also where famed blogger, Grant Miller, went. It had a big blacktop area in the back where kids would gather before school and play. One of our favorite pastimes was to bring in an old tennis ball and play catch for a little while until someone would yell "Roof it!" The person with the ball would then try to throw the ball up on the roof as some sort of juvenile sacrifice. It was a sign of strength to be able to throw it that high and earned the thrower a certain degree of respect.

We were morons.

Now kids just play with Game-Boys...

Enough With All The Bowling Leagues Already...


I'm thinking about starting a competitive Plinko league.

Joy-Boy...


Pee-pees and wee-wees...

Ha Ha!




*This post is dedicated to my good-time buddies. And Big Orange, who probably won't know what the hell this means.

My Hope For The Near Future...

I hope that one day we will devote as much effort to finding solutions to the current energy crisis as we do to developing a better toothbrush.

I mean, fuckin' a, it seems like there's a fucking technological breakthrough in toothbrush design every goddamn week. What more can they possibly do? How about taking some of the scientists working on toothbrush innovation and putting them to work on alternatives to fossil fuel. Either that, or figure out a way to harness the power of the toothbrush in such a way that it gets me to and from work each day.

Documentary Film Of The Day - F For Fake...

After checking IMDb.com, I realized that I'd only seen three things featuring Orson Welles: Citizen Kane, The Muppet Movie, and that Rikki-Tikki-Tavi animated feature he narrated that I remember from when I was little. I was excited to get to see him in a documentary and I wasn't disappointed. It's actually more of a hybrid documentary with some drama mixed in. I won't say too much about the content, other than that it is varied in pace and there are a lot of things to pay attention to. It's all about hoaxes and fakery. It's just the kind of strange film I like. Also, Mr. Welles is buttery-smooth in it.

5/30/2007

Adventures In Stereotyping...

Anyone who drives a car with custom graphics is a bad driver.

I think I can safely say this after seeing some guy in a car yesterday with custom graphics. He was driving like a real jackass.

Can't Be Done...

Name me one person that doesn't think Scatman Crothers had a cool-sounding name.

This Is What Memorial Day Looks Like At My House...

For the record, that's beer, not pee, but it looks like pee.
That's enough to make it funny.

5/29/2007

I Love Shit Like This!...

THIS is a video of Michael Cera (Arrested Development) and director Judd Apatow (40 Y.O. Virgin, Freaks & Geeks) getting into it on the set of the new "Knocked Up" movie.

I wish they'd make a movie that's nothing but outtakes...

More Suburban Reminiscence (Or, As I Call It, "Blog-Filler")...

Alright, fess up. Who else had "Freezy Freakies"? I didn't, but my brother did.

For my southern readers, "Freezy Freakies" were gloves that revealed a secret design that only showed up in the cold. It's the same basic concept as

Hypercolor t-shirts.

Tell Me Why This Couldn't Work...

Hear me out on this one...

Most of you are familiar with my loathe/hate relationship with Fux News. I think it'd be tough for anyone to support the notion, at this point, that Fox News is "fair and balanced". If you don't believe me, spend some time browsing Media Matters for any number of examples to the contrary.

Before I go on, let me just state that I don't have much faith in any of the other corporate media outlets. I think you will find examples of bias in both directions and that the search for the truth loses out in many cases to the need to appear "balanced". However, in the case of Fox, the sins are so egregious and blatant that action is warranted.

What I propose is a mass refusal by all liberals, democrats, progressives, or even republicans that "get it", to appear on air on Fox News. I'm not talking about boycotting watching Fox. I mean for people to stop going on their shows and answering their questions. Before you say it would never work, think about it:
  • I don't think it would be too hard to illustrate to any left-leaning person that still thinks Fox is legitimate that it is, in fact, not. I think the people Fox refers to as the "far left" or "radical left" (or my group, the "loony left") are aware already and would support this.
  • The smaller the group of liberal voices available to Fox News, the further they become isolated and the easier it will be to write them off. Currently they lead in ratings for the cable news stations. This has to change.
  • Politicians from the left that continue to appear on Fox will eventually look like traitors and sell-outs. By appearing, they do nothing but feed the beast. Just think of how classic it would be to see a press conference where Dems say "I'm sorry, I don't take questions from Fox News."
You see, it's not about right or left. Well, it is, but it's more about responsible journalism. Fox News isn't responsible - not even close. Why would anyone continue to patronize a media outlet that operates in such a way? You might say "Well, these politicians want publicity any way they can get it." Really? They want to go on a show that, five minutes after they're off, will distort what they said and make fun of it? Seems dumb to me, but I'm not a politician. Plus, there are plenty of other places to have your voice heard these days besides Fox News.

It seems to me that the "starve the beast" strategy is the easiest and most effective way to neutralize Fox. Next you say, "Well, yeah, but without democrats on Fox, there won't be anyone to call them on their bullshit." My response would be "Fine by me." If all they ever had on were republicans, then they would quickly become obsolete and could be treated as such.

A Vision Of Loveliness...


I am so hard right now...

Big Shit This Weekend...

Don't worry. This isn't a post about some big dump I took (although that gives me an idea...).

This weekend was full of excitement:
  • My pal, Frank, got engaged on Mackinac Island up by me.
  • While on Mackinac, Frank and his UCF* found me a t-shirt. How they were able to find a t-shirt shop on the island is beyond me. They were also able to find some fudge against all odds.
  • I lost three golf balls on the first tee of Ye Nyne Olde Holes golf course.
  • My pal Dave brought two big-ass pork shoulders and grilled them to perfection for some outstanding pulled pork sammies (or sangwiches, if you prefer).
  • We went canoeing/kayaking down the Jordan River, but no one got baptised.
  • I drank so much on Saturday, I had to lie down for a while. That hasn't happened in a LONG time.
Thanks to all who attended! Same time next year?

Characters...

You'll often hear people described as characters. Usually it implies a certain eccentricity, quirkiness, and/or uniqueness. I've known many characters. One of them was Verner Johnson.

When I first moved to Michigan I applied to work as a tour guide for a bike tour company in Northern Michigan (aptly named Michigan Bicycle Touring). I was new to the area and loved to bike, so I was excited about the chance to meet people and enjoy a lot of the beauty of our state from the seat of my bike. Vern was one of the first people I met and probably the one I ended up doing the most tours with. He was in his early eighties at the time.

The guy was a machine. He could ride 60 miles through hilly terrain without blinking. He was an inspiration to the people on our tours. They figured if Vern could do it in his eighties, so could they. He always had a smile or a joke at the ready. He was a total goofball and was extremely sharp. I never saw him get pissed off or frustrated - often a challenge when dealing with finicky tourists. I had to pick him up on my way to a two-week tour in the U.P. and got to see where he lived. He lived out in the country and generated all his heat from a mountain of firewood that he chopped himself. He didn't shower, but would take saunas like many Finnish people do.

He was married three times and I think each divorce had a story. I know one turned out to be a lesbian. Another wanted him to quit the bike touring and gave him an ultimatum - her or the tours. He stuck with the tours. He had been in World War II as a pilot and still flew an airplane into his eighties.

I lost touch with Vern after the tour company stopped operating a few years ago. I just got word that he died recently after a short stay in an assisted living facility. He was a neat guy and a pleasure to know. I hope one day I'll be considered as much of a "character" as he was.

5/24/2007

Memorial Day...

I couldn't very well leave for the weekend with a picture of Osammy at the top of my page, especially not THIS weekend. I wish all of you a happy three-day weekend. I'll be one-half to seven-eighths in the bag until my return on Tuesday. In the meantime, get your patriotism ON with THIS.

Remember: Freedom ISN'T free, although Wal-Mart has it on sale for dirt cheap!

Where You Bin?...

At today's press blowjob - I mean conference - the Dubster was asked yet again about the search for Osama. He gave his tired line about how he's hiding in a remote blah blah blah and that we are searching for him. As you can imagine, I'm skeptical.

If, in fact, we have his whereabouts pinned to a region in Pakistan, do they expect me to believe that with all our suveillance capabilities and technological superiority we still cannot find this guy after six years? It seems hard to believe.

I know all about the fact that the Pakistani government is reluctant to stick it's neck out in the volatile region in which he's supposed to be hiding and help us. But if that's the case - if we know he's in Pakistan - then would the logic that Dubya used for Iraq apply to Pakistan? Is Osama more or less evil that Saddam? We invaded a sovereign nation to take him out. Why not here? Because Pakistan has nukes? I'm way oversimplifying the situation, but I just can't accept that we can't find him despite all our "searching".

I'm starting to believe that Osama is just some sort of CGI concoction perpetrated by William Kristol and Richard Perle.

Run For The Hills!...

Now there's another one.

It looks like the kid's got his grandfather's sneer.

Lynne better hold him tight, lest Dick try to eat him.