For The Record...

I am stealing this from a link on a post I saw on Crooks & Liars. It seems like forever since I've posted anything remotely political. I blame a lot of it on the utter stupidity of the current discourse taking place right now. The fact that imbecilic charlatans like Glenn Beck continue to thrive (despite the mass exodus of his sponsors) is pitiful beyond words (and believe me, I know a shitload of words).

Anyway, it seems there are republicans who are upset because they think there are people on the other side who are using Ted Kennedy's death to push their liberal agenda. I realize I am just Some Guy who blogs about toilets and posts embarrassing videos of himself, but in case anything should ever happen to me AND in case anyone makes a stink, I, being of (somewhat) sound mind and body, give you complete permission to politicize the fuck out of my death. In fact, I encourage it. If you want to honor me, feel free to fight for causes I hold dear and tell people I told you to. These include, but are not limited to:
  • A world where no one feels the need to inflict pain on another, even if the invisible deity they pray to tells them it's a good idea. The Golden Rule, baby. Give it a chance. Unless, of course, you're a sadomasochist. Then do the opposite.
  • Settling international disputes with games of "Rock, Paper, Scissors" (best 3 out of 5) rather than with war or other armed conflict.
  • A base level of subsistence for all humankind that includes: food, shelter, clothing (optional), health care, and education.
  • Publicly-financed elections that aren't bullshit shams and the elimination of the Electoral College.
  • The defeat of any law that unjustly benefits the rich over the poor.
  • No more of this crap about not letting homosexuals marry each other. And, for that matter, if some guy somewhere wants to marry his pet goat, why the fuck not? That's the kind of crazy world I want to live in!
  • A complete repeal of all drug prohibitions. They don't fucking work and are counterproductive. Period.
I'll leave it at that for now. I'm sure there are a bunch more. Feel free to make suggestions in the comments.


Unindicted Co-Conspirator said...

SG, your whole liberal hippy agenda reflects the shallowness of your views. I mean seriously, three out of five to settle international disputes via rock/scissors/paper? That’s too generous.

And your whole “base level” of subsistence is rampant socialism, which, as we all know is simply the latest word for disdain used by people who have no clue what it means any more than they understand the meaning of fascism. Of course, it comes as no surprise that even in death you would want to support The Gays and their evil plans to rape our children and steal our junk mail and pollute our edumacational system by teaching such crap as tolerance.

The drug thing however, now that I can get behind.

Red said...

Gah! Please don't ever mention Glenn Beck again. I hate being reminded he even exists!

SkylersDad said...

Would you please run for something so I can vote for you?

Son of a Thomas said...

I have to disagree about the Electoral College.

Hell of a b-ball team. I mean, what will I do during March Maddness.

Doc said...

There isn't a single one of these that I wouldn't whole-hearted support, dedicate my life to, and encourage my friends & neighbors to become active in.

That being said, what if we just handle minor desputes with Rock Paper, Scissors and handle the major ones with a good game of Risk or Monopoly. After all, these wholesome kids games reflect a uniquely American viewpoint, i.e. Get Rich or Kill 'em All!

Just a suggestion...

bubbles said...

Some Guy, I have always admired you. Today I admire you more.

The Peach Tart said...

Here here.

Distributorcap said...

some guy for president