You've probably heard this theory if you've ever been single. It usually comes from a sympathetic older person, like a mother or grandmother. The theory proposes that, if you are single and looking (and frustrated), not to worry. It will just happen, probably when you least expect it, like at the supermarket. I don't want to get a reputation as the guy who's constantly whining about his lovelife (it may be too late), but whoever believes this theory sure doesn't shop at the same supermarket that I do. The only women I see look like THIS. (Warning! Not safe for work, kids, & may be vomit inducing.)
8/18/2006
The Supermarket Theory...
You've probably heard this theory if you've ever been single. It usually comes from a sympathetic older person, like a mother or grandmother. The theory proposes that, if you are single and looking (and frustrated), not to worry. It will just happen, probably when you least expect it, like at the supermarket. I don't want to get a reputation as the guy who's constantly whining about his lovelife (it may be too late), but whoever believes this theory sure doesn't shop at the same supermarket that I do. The only women I see look like THIS. (Warning! Not safe for work, kids, & may be vomit inducing.)
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8 comments:
1. It is too late.
2. Stop fucking shopping at 3am, dude.
Bless your heart... that is just. plain. ol'. nasty.
I'm so embarrassed. You saw me at the supermarket that day? My single cheeks (all four) are blushing ...
[BTW, I blogrolled you. Hope you don't mind. But your blog is just so damn funny.]
Vikki: 1. I thought so.
2.Seriously, I shop at the prime time, Sunday A.M. right after church lets out.
Marni: Sorry about that. It seemed like my readers were getting bored so I had to slap 'em around a bit.
Guiness: Thanks a lot!Unfortunately there aren't any colleges OR Dunkin' Donuts nearby, believe it or not.
Beth: That is the nicest thing someone could say. I will return the favor. Spread the word!
One of my friends and I were just discussing how stupid the "it will happen AS SOON as you stop looking" theory is. "Like anybody meets anyone at the GROCERY," she said. However, I did once live near a grocery that had a singles night.
I have never met anyone at the grocery store, however I did go to the Whole Foods near my house unbathed and baseball-hatted after having been sick for several days, turned the corner into the frozen food aisle and almost ran my cart into my local celebrity crush, Ira Glass. Who knows, had I not looked as much like shit as is possible for one girl to look, it might have been the start of a beautiful friendship Instead, I turned tail and ran to the cheese department, where I drowned my sorrows in St. Andre and pate.
Let the good times roll.
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