8/29/2006

T-Ball Scouting Report...

Front Row (L to R):
Chris: A talented infielder who comes from money, so his mom can be counted on for kick-ass post-game snacks.
Mitchell: A true student of the game. A head of bright red hair does a good job of distracting opposing batters.
Eric: Packs a big bat. Always claims he is going to "hit a granny" even if no one is on base.
Jon: Not too good. A little TOO happy.
Micky: Terrible. Best bet is to stick him in left field and let him hold his crotch.
Mike: Lacks intesity. Throws like my sister. Best to put him at catcher where his sole job is to put the ball on the tee.
Rusty: One of the few players who can catch the ball dependably. Has a bitchin' Catfish Hunter signature glove.
Back Row: (L to R):
Trey: Useless. Stands at the plate like he's waiting for a bus.
James: As they say in Texas, all hat, no cattle. Knows the rules, just can't execute.
Kenny: The renegade. Wears red just to be different. If you can keep him in line and off the sauce, he can be a big run producer.
Chris: Good fundamentals, but no speed. Runs like he's got a sack of cement in his drawers.
Derrick: His family goes to the Wisconsin Dells for half the fucking season.
Don, the coach: A little too conservative on the basepaths, but knows how to get the best out of his pitching. Unfortunately, that is of little use in T-ball.

4 comments:

lulu said...

Hilarious.

Why do they make little boys play little league? I mean, I know it's America's game and all that, but honestly, stick a couple of kids out in a field and by the time the ball makes it out to them they are engaged in detroying an ant hill or picking dandelions. Their attention spans are way too short. And at least with soccer they get worn out running up and down the field.

dirty said...

Baseball for the little one's is too cute. My son has been playing 3 years and the dirt balls and nose pickers make the games entertaining.

Chris...I love how you said that a full head of red hair distracts the opposing team...too funny.

Frank Sirmarco said...

My t-ball team would have kicked the snot out of your team, Chris.

Chris said...

In defense of baseball for young boys: First, any parent that would make their kid play baseball or do any other leisure activity they didn't like is misguided, I think. I grew up before soccer was really popular, so baseball was it. I loved it. I played baseball all the time. I was shy and baseball gave me a whole new social circle. It kept me outside and active. That said, I'm sure there were kids on my teams that would've rather been somewhere else. That's unfortunate.