8/01/2007

A Lesson In How To Look Tough Without Actually Being Tough...

If you're like me and you're not into punching people, screaming obscenities at close range, or generally displaying your machismo, a good way to establish your toughness is to spit. I often employ this tactic when I visit construction sites in order to assimilate. Nothing looks quite as tough as spitting. The key is to appear nonchalant. Don't make a big production out of it, but at the same time make sure that people notice it. Don't overdo it. If you do it too much, others will mistake it for a health condition and it will defeat the whole purpose. Be sure to practice in front of a mirror to make sure you don't look foolish. You will be amazed at the respect you'll be afforded with a well-executed spit.

10 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

The grabbing and holding of one's testicles also works well.

Skylers Dad said...

I tend to overdo it a bit, bringing things up from my lungs that I ingested during my "experimenting" years.

Really, nobody wants to see that shit...

slinger said...

It does make you look tough, especially if you do whilst driving down the freeway and it flies back and hits the car behind you.

Cooper said...

The Three Golden Rules Of Spitting:

1. Drink some 3% milk several minutes in advance of a planned spitting episode;
2. Don't try to spit through your teeth if you have recently eaten celery;
3. Never wipe your mouth afterwards, no matter what volume of gooey resinous shit might be dangling from your shirt and eyebrows.

'Bubbles' said...

I just in to punching people and screaming obscenities at close range. I just works for me.

Actually, this reminds me of a story. I'll have to post it. Thanks!

RandyLuvsPaiste said...

Tomorrow better be a special
"Happy Birthday to Chris" post.

Writeprocrastinator said...

The Missus asked me if I spit, which she still has yet to see me do. I replied, "I'm part Chinese and I'm blue collar. Hell yeah, I spit."

I don't think I got a kiss for the rest of that day.

Sans Pantaloons said...

If you find this practice has already been adopted by another person, I would suggest moving to the casual vomit to establish superiority.

Johnny Yen said...

Maybe walking onto a job site and randomly kicking the shit out of someone would be even more effective.

Alex said...

Hey, I am currently studying at a state school so I have to appear tough. I have never asked for a fight and I am generally a rather introverted person (given the choice I'd rather stay at home reading a good book than go out). Anyway, my best tip for looking tough is having a good, large pair of black boots (my personally favourite is docs). Not only do these appear intimidating but will also come in handy should you actually have to fend anyone off.