Why is that? I'm always seeing fellow bloggers bestow awards on each other. (I'm not going to count the 1/423 of an award Splotchy gave me once.) Some awards are given for being a great thinker. Others are for being exceptionally funny or for writing great political analyses.
Shit! There's my answer! My blog exhibits none of these qualities.
I figure the only way I'm gonna get an award is if I make one up and give it to myself. Sure, this is only slightly less pathetic than when they gave all the kids a trophy in t-ball (even the sucky ones) so no one would feel bad, but hell, when has the threat of appearing pathetic stopped me before?
So I had to come up with an award that I might actually win. I guess the one area I excel in is toilet and scatological humor. So, it is with great pleasure that I proclaim myself the winner of the first ever "Some Guy's Golden Toilet Award". Yeah, I know the fuckin' thing isn't gold. Relax.
I will be sharing this honor anytime I come across any well-done poop jokes, fart jokes, or any other post that seeks to glorify the crapper in any way. If you feel you have material that deserves consideration, please send a five-page essay explaining why along with a $25 application fee. Please allow 10-12 weeks for a response.