In light of the recent success of the Transformers movie, Hollywood has discovered a new genre to exploit and eventually run into the ground - movies about old toys.
Shocking, I know.
I've heard that a G.I. Joe movie is in the works. There are also rumors of a movie based on the video game "Joust". In order to help speed up this process, I'm gonna get a few ideas out on the table so that they can get this trend out of their systems. Here are my proposals:
-Sit & Spin!
I figure this one will follow the lead of great "last to best", overcoming the odds-type films like Rocky and Karate Kid. There is a competition looming to see who can complete the most Sit & Spin revolutions in ten minutes. The underdog will be played by some skinny dork from the poor side of town (Jon Heder?) who gets inspiration from his grizzled coach (played by Samuel L. Jackson). His nemesis will be some rich asshole who normally wins the competition every year (Orlando Bloom?). In the end, the skinny kid wins (obviously), he hooks up with the rich kid's hot ex-girlfriend (Jessica Alba?) and the final shot is Samuel L. giving an approving wink to signify a job well done.
-My Dinner With Teddy Ruxpin
While 1981's "My Dinner With Andre" captivated audiences with its simplicity and rich dialogue, it was a touch too highbrow for wide audiences. "My Dinner With Teddy Ruxpin" will be far more family-friendly, something for adults and kids alike. It will feature Wallace Shawn reprising his role opposite Teddy (in the Andre role) as they delve into a wide range of subjects such as happy rainbows, hugs, and woodland creatures over their meal in a French restaurant. The voice of Teddy will be performed by Samuel L. Jackson. Bring your Kleenex.
This film is based on the old Mattel handheld game. If you remember, the game involved moving a LED blip across a black screen. Somehow, this was supposed to simulate the excitement of an actual football game. For this one, I'm seeing a lot of darkness, like in a Michael Mann film. Something futuristic. Football is being played by cyborgs controlled by greedy defense contractors. A rag-tag bunch of old football pros (led by, you guessed it, Samuel L. Jackson!) want to show that humans can still play football better than the cyborgs, so they challenge them to a monumental battle between man and machine. The cyborgs eventually win and Samuel L. curses a lot. This one has summer blockbuster written all over it.