6/26/2008

I'm Fucking Lazy Today...

...so I'm going to recycle some old material. Just a word of warning upfront, this post contains graphic sexual content, so if that sort of thing offends you, stop reading now!

Back before I started blogging, I made up some tasteless phony movie "treatments" for former television shows on my MySpace page. They were borne out of a frustration with Hollywood's practice of turning old TV shows into awful feature films. I've posted a couple before (HERE and HERE). This is the one I did for "WKRP In Cincinnati":

OK, the logical first reaction is to put Bailey (Jan Smithers) & Jennifer (Loni Anderson) into some sort of sapphic situation. Too easy. Don't get me wrong. There certainly needs to be sufficient fleshing out (no pun intended) of this relationship. I envision some scenario whereby Herb (Frank Bonner) is inappropriate (i.e. sticks his finger in Jennifer's butt). Jennifer, obviously distraught, seeks solace in the arms of a trusted friend. After wandering the streets in the rain, a drenched Jennifer shows up at Bailey's apartment. Prior to her arrival, Bailey had been looking forward to a quiet night alone with her 15" black latex dildo and nipple clamps. Upon hearing a knock at the door, Bailey stuffs her apparatus under the sofa. "Can I come in?" queries Jennifer, wimpering, water dripping from her golden locks, "I had nowhere else to go." Bailey invites her in. "You're soaked!" she says, "let me get you some dry clothes." Bailey find a terrycloth robe as Jennifer starts to undress right in front of her. "This doesn't make you uncomfortable, does it?" Jennifer asks, "I figure it's just us girls here." Bailey, trying hard not to stare, is alarmed by the enormous areola Jennifer is sporting. She can't help but feel a tingle down in her nether-regions.

In no time Jennifer is bundled in her robe as the two sit drinking wine and commiserating about past relationships and what assholes guys can be. Jennifer, starting to feel the effects of the wine, lays her head on Bailey's lap and, in doing so, her robe parts just enough to provide glimpses of a thick carpet of pubic hair. Bailey becomes flush and wonders if Jennifer is aware of what she is doing to her. She decides she needs to go find some sort of release. "I was going to go run a bath. You're welcome to crash on the couch if you like..." Then, something comes over Bailey and without thinking she blurts out "...or you can join me." She is instantly shocked that she'd say something so risque to a co-worker and yet deep down is curious what Jennifer's reaction will be. Jennifer gets up, letting her robe fall to the ground, and says, "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for an offer like that!" and proceeds to plant a light brush of a kiss on Bailey's lips as she walks past her towards the bathroom. Bailey quickly gathers up the dildo and clamps and follows her into the bathroom and, so, you get the picture. Oh, as for the plot. Umm. The WKRP gang works at the radio station by day and solves crimes by night. The End.

11 comments:

Falwless said...

hahahahaa, I love the last sentences.

Also, I need to excuse myself to go... to go.. well, I need to just go.

Dr Zibbs said...

Baily was 10 times better looking than Loni Anderson. Did you ever notice that the cleavage of Loni Anderson is very odd? Her boobs are about a foot apart.

SkylersDad said...

I was a huge Bailey fan, and by huge I mean, I liked her a lot... Nothing was ever, well, huge...Damn...

Spooney said...

Bailey was way hotter. Loni Anderson was the Pamlela Anderson of the 70s. She was suppose to be hot, but I didn't get it. Her hair was like a helmet on her head.

kirby said...

Well, this certainly has Grant Miller's erotica beat to hell.

Distributorcap said...

WKRP is KRAP in the movies

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Damn you Hollywood, make this movie now!

Micgar said...

Damn! I almost gargled my own urine with that one!

Bubs said...

Hah. And I thought, after seeing the picture, that this post was just going to be a cheap camel toe joke.

Boy the joke was on me!

teamslinger said...

you should be writing for Vivid Studios.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Jan Smithers was it for me and only The Missus has surpassed her, in terms of years in my life.

Oddly enough I had a fantasy very similar to what you wrote about, back in 1982...