9/18/2007

When You're In A Hole, Go Back To The Toilet...

If you're like me, you'll often use the term "buttload" to describe a large quantity of something.

Let's examine this, though, shall we?

Is a buttload actually that much? Even if you were to completely fill a toilet bowl to the tippy-top after an evacuation, something that would require an exorbitant level of fiber intake, you're only talking about a few liters - tops. To give you a frame of reference, the average toilet uses 1.6 L of water per flush . The ASI (American Scatological Institute), a bogus organization I just made up, cites the average weight of an American's bowel movement at about half a pound. A half a pound ain't nothin'! And that's the high end! The average bowel movement of someone in Burkina Faso is about the size of a pea.

So, I think we can agree that the term buttload and all its subsidiaries (shitload, assload, crapload, etc.) do not accurately express a significant amount of something. Instead, they should be used to convey a moderate amount of something. For instance, a buttload of corn would be about an ear's worth. A shitload of beer would be a couple cans or so. And an assload of crap would be exactly that.

Please make a note of it.



By the way, I deeply regret that last post. I am leaving it up as a reminder to never venture into the world of puns again.

8 comments:

Moderator said...

I hope get a lot of google hits from people looking for scat.

Cap'n Ergo "XL+II" Jinglebollocks said...

I do believe there is a whole BUNCH of inexact measurements we can examine here going from the small to the large. For example:

pinch
dash
bunch
pile
load
truckload
buttload
ton (as in "I ate a ton of mashed 'taters")
mountain

what am I forgetting??

Anonymous said...

I think the reason I like this blog so much, is that it really makes me "think". It's definitely vitamins for the brain.

Cap'n Ergo "XL+II" Jinglebollocks said...

I fancy this means you have to buy a special toilet seat that's 2" wider, yes?? That also means extra $$$. My gosh, perhaps there's an entire INDUSTRY built around wider toilets?? It staggers the mind...

vikkitikkitavi said...

I actually favor the term "buttload" and use it frequently, especially in business correspondence, where professionalism and accuracy are important.

The term is, I think, not so much an indication of the volume of a particular item, but that the amount is sufficient to be causing physical discomfort.

GETkristiLOVE said...

I like the word gi-normous but buttload seems to fit better here.

Anonymous said...

There is an enormous colon on display at the Mutter museum of medical oddities that contained 40 lbs of poo when the guy died (guess what of).

So I can think of one case where you'd be wrong, if the guy had been able to exorcise those poo demons. I will continue to say "buttload" in his honor.

-b

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Damn I'm glad I stooped by here today. The ASI is my new favorite authority.