When You're In A Hole, Go Back To The Toilet...

If you're like me, you'll often use the term "buttload" to describe a large quantity of something.

Let's examine this, though, shall we?

Is a buttload actually that much? Even if you were to completely fill a toilet bowl to the tippy-top after an evacuation, something that would require an exorbitant level of fiber intake, you're only talking about a few liters - tops. To give you a frame of reference, the average toilet uses 1.6 L of water per flush . The ASI (American Scatological Institute), a bogus organization I just made up, cites the average weight of an American's bowel movement at about half a pound. A half a pound ain't nothin'! And that's the high end! The average bowel movement of someone in Burkina Faso is about the size of a pea.

So, I think we can agree that the term buttload and all its subsidiaries (shitload, assload, crapload, etc.) do not accurately express a significant amount of something. Instead, they should be used to convey a moderate amount of something. For instance, a buttload of corn would be about an ear's worth. A shitload of beer would be a couple cans or so. And an assload of crap would be exactly that.

Please make a note of it.

By the way, I deeply regret that last post. I am leaving it up as a reminder to never venture into the world of puns again.


Grant Miller said...

I hope get a lot of google hits from people looking for scat.

Hot Lemon said...

I do believe there is a whole BUNCH of inexact measurements we can examine here going from the small to the large. For example:

ton (as in "I ate a ton of mashed 'taters")

what am I forgetting??

Anonymous said...

I think the reason I like this blog so much, is that it really makes me "think". It's definitely vitamins for the brain.

Hot Lemon said...

I fancy this means you have to buy a special toilet seat that's 2" wider, yes?? That also means extra $$$. My gosh, perhaps there's an entire INDUSTRY built around wider toilets?? It staggers the mind...

vikkitikkitavi said...

I actually favor the term "buttload" and use it frequently, especially in business correspondence, where professionalism and accuracy are important.

The term is, I think, not so much an indication of the volume of a particular item, but that the amount is sufficient to be causing physical discomfort.

GETkristiLOVE said...

I like the word gi-normous but buttload seems to fit better here.

Skylers Dad said...

Well done sir! The only thing better than toilet humor is a good dick joke.

I believe your sister used to call me "barf"- seriously. said...

There is an enormous colon on display at the Mutter museum of medical oddities that contained 40 lbs of poo when the guy died (guess what of).

So I can think of one case where you'd be wrong, if the guy had been able to exorcise those poo demons. I will continue to say "buttload" in his honor.


Clare said...

"ass load" is historically used to refer to the volume of stuff you could pile on an ass, i.e. a donkey. An ass load is the cube of a cubit, or half a camel load. Which is a lot more than a buttload, at least my butt.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Damn I'm glad I stooped by here today. The ASI is my new favorite authority.