3/05/2007

Some Guy Hires A Cleaning Lady...

Although, I'm pretty sure she doesn't look like this anywhere but in my head.

Yes, for the very first time in my life I am having my house professionally cleaned. I'm not sure what to expect, since I called some random outfit out of the phone book. You see, I'm having a special houseguest this coming weekend and I need everything ship-shape. A few things will determine just how thorough the cleaning was. They include:
  • The absence of any and all stray kitty-litter granules. I'd be overjoyed if the cat hair was completely purged, but I'm not holding my breath.
  • No signs of dried toothpaste spittle on my medicine cabinet. I'm like a damn jackhammer when I brush.
  • The rotating plate in my microwave is gunk-free.
  • The crumb tray in the toaster is empty. Bonus points if it's been polished.
  • The water stains on the acoustical-tile ceiling (from the previous owner) have been bleached away. This one is beyond a long shot.
  • The dust rags in my linen closet have been dusted.
  • The water in my seven-foot bong has been changed.
(Just kidding. I don't have any dust rags.)

14 comments:

Flannery Alden said...

May all your cleaning dreams come true! But I would guess that she won't clean inside the microwave, or remove the crumbs from the crumb tray in your toaster. Do we want to start a pool?

Dave said...

Make sure the maid cleans the torso's in the torso room.

K.I.D. said...

Cleaning ladies change bong water? I have to lodge a complaint...

Jenn said...

I hope you have a lovely visit.

-The bong water can never be changed enough.

-"Water stains" likely story...

Enjoy!!!

Beth said...

Ooooooh ......... have fun! Hope the cleaning lady makes you look like a neat freak.

Teri said...

what happens if the cleaning lady DOES look like that?

Big Orange said...

in MY imagination your cleaning lady isn't wearing underwear. Is that the way YOU are picturing her, too?

We once had this skinny chick who cleaned the living HELL out of the place for about $40-$50 bucks. I mean she DID clean the crumbs out of the toaster tray, organized everything, stole nothing, mopped floors, washed windows, scraped that crud off the stove knobs, everything. and she did it all within 2 hours or less. Gawd bless that woman! I hope and pray her spirit finds you.

Big Orange said...

in MY imagination your cleaning lady isn't wearing underwear. Is that the way YOU are picturing her, too?

We once had this skinny chick who cleaned the living HELL out of the place for about $40-$50 bucks. I mean she DID clean the crumbs out of the toaster tray, organized everything, stole nothing, mopped floors, washed windows, scraped that crud off the stove knobs, everything. and she did it all within 2 hours or less. Gawd bless that woman! I hope and pray her spirit finds you.

Dale said...

Don't forget to tell her to hide the shmoo.

Valerie said...

More important than all the cleaning you want done, is to have your special houseguest's favorite toiletries, snacks, drinks, DVDs, music and flowers on hand.

I always love it when I go to someone's house and they have Dove bar soap. I hate having to use something like Dial or Irish Spring.

Skylers Dad said...

When I go visit somebody, I always consider it a nice touch to have them leave a spare torso in my guest room.

And leave some flowers also to keep the stench down...

The Boob Lady said...

Jenn= the boob lady. not sure where that went from last night..

Coaster Punchman said...

Aren't you kind of ruining the mystique here? The whole point of cleaning is to fool people into thinking you're that way all the time.

Why don't you leave the bong in the kitchen next to some brownie fixins and see what the maid can do about it?

Sans Pantaloons said...

Toasters have a crumb tray! Oh-shit..