Addictions can be hell. They can ruin lives, destroy families, and eventually lead to death, or at the very least some very serious health problems. It was recently revealed that star of stage and screen Salma Hayek is battling an addiction to breastfeeding. The grip has become so powerful, she has taken to going up to complete strangers on the street and offering a suckle just to get her "fix". Hell, she cornered me in the grocery store this afternoon. The woman is insatiable!
Now, it's clear that she will not be able to quit cold turkey. What I am suggesting is a detox program that consists of a weaning process in which volunteers will gradually "de-lactify" Ms. Hayek over a number of months. The only problem now is finding people who care enough about her well-being and will be able to devote a substantial amount of time to this endeavor. Ladies, this includes you (especially you). I will be videotaping the entire process so that it can be used as a treatment guide for future addicts. Interested parties should contact me ASAP so that we can help this poor woman. Time is of the essence, folks!