I'm A Renaissance Man...

Many of you probably don't know that, in addition to being a phenomenal writer, woodworker, and vocalist, I am a foremost authority on Scandinavian fashion. I have a subscription to Swedish Vogue. I know my shit.

Like anything, I feel the need to share my knowledge with the rest of you. Here is an introductory guide to what I call "Viking Chic":

Due to the lack of a formally observed Labor day in Scandinavia,
white can be worn year-round, especially with a little dash of color.
Talk about LOL Cats! Me-OW!
Oh, and overalls are ALWAYS fashion-forward.

It's common knowledge that Scandinavians like to look like superheroes.
Capes are prevalent, along with satin-y, form-fitting attire.
And, is it me, but does the guy on the left look vaguely like
a younger Wallace Shawn in a bag wig?

The "Scandies" go gaga for anything military.
Sew an epaulet on anything and these fuckers
eat it up with a spoon.
Just don't skimp on the sequins.

This is what Swedish people wear to weddings.
Ill-fitting tuxedos and platform shoes for the men.
Trampy Halloween costumes for the women.

Remember, there is no such thing as "too tight".
They also like to see LOTS of arm.
And cats, apparently.

Finally, I wanted to include an example of "everyday attire".
This is the kind of thing you're likely to see people
wearing at the hardware store or the lutefisk stand.

So, if you're planning a trip to Oslo or Stockholm, hopefully
now you have an idea of what to pack.
It's important to blend in when you're in foreign lands.


Dr Zibbs said...

I haven't wanted to punch that monkey faced dude in the face for years. Now, the feelings have all come back.

Cheer34 said...

I like the gold foil outfits....can I place an order with you?

Cap'n Ergo Jinglebollocks said...

I dunno-- I think I wore stuff like that in high school. Now it's just too high maintanence and I stick to tee-shirts and jeans.

Mnmom said...

That just flies in the face of everything I've come to know about Scans

Spooney said...

After seeing that post I feel Bjorn again!

"that girl" said...

wallace shawn?? i'm thinkin dana carvey!!

Anonymous said...

Those guys had gold records out the ass. Couldn't they spare some change for a gym membership? Little girls have better muscle definition than those guys.

Falwless said...

I knew my fashion sense would come back in style one of these days.

SkylersDad said...

The tux with high heel boots looks suspiciously like my high school prom...

sista #2 said...

The gold foil rocks!

They were some fashion guru's huh?


Cormac Brown said...

Good Lord...

Distributorcap said...

i am in sweden right now and i thought i saw you on the main drag