7/08/2008

Elvin Magic...

Or is it "Elfin Magic"? I guess it doesn't "elfin" matter. Get it? "Elfin" sounds like "effin'", which is a common substitute for "fuckin'". Nevermind...

Anyway, when I was growing up, my hometown's claim to fame was that it was the headquarters for Keebler, the popular cookie/cracker company famous for its beloved elves. I'm not just making this up for the sake of a lame blog post. It really was. It has probably relocated to China since then, but, dammit, they were there back in the meaty part of the eighties.

So, as a result, a lot of my high school classmates were elves. And let me tell you, man, these little motherfuckers could DRINK! There was this one party where I chipped in five bucks towards the purchase of a Bud Light Party Ball and didn't drink a drop because two of these bastards polished the thing off before I could finish writing my name on my plastic cup. It's not like you could call them on that shit, either. I was always too afraid they'd use their magic and turn me into a Town House cracker or something. Plus, they were ruthless. You'd go to use the bathroom and by the time you got back one of 'em had stolen your girlfriend with the promise of unlimited Pecan Sandies.

Uncommonly good, my ass...

10 comments:

Mnmom said...

Bastards!!

Dr Zibbs said...

Those cookies are shit! Hard and tasteless. I on the other hand grew up 5 minutes from Pepperidge Farm. Don't believe me? Listen to this imitation: PEPPERIDGE FAHM - REMEMBAS!" Believe me now?

Flannery Alden said...

That's funny, I thought you already were a Town House Cracker.

gaining some lb's said...

Bud Light beer ball??

We had the Tastykake factory in our city. good times...good times...


peace
#2

Amy said...

I only went with them if they promised Fudge Stripes.

And Flannery? He's a Town House Cracka.

kirby said...

Cock blocked by an elf. That's harsh.

Valerie said...

true story: my cousin worked in IT at Keebler and they would have snack time at least once a day. They'd haul out a bunch of Keebler products and he said at least 75% of the people that worked there were overweight/almost obese/obese.

Yum!

SkylersDad said...

I can't tell you the number of times I have lost out to Elves, little bastards!

Keeper Of All Things said...

As a former Elf dater myself i just gotta say......everybody loves a sharp dressed man!!!!lol......wait maybe it was gnomes that I dated.........jeesh I can never tell them apart!!!!
Little men with cone red hats.....they all look alike!!!
LOL

Micgar said...

valerie-that is a wild story-but then again, you gotta believe that Keebler wanted its emp's to "promote" its product!