Before I Take Off...

...I wanted to wish everyone out there in blogland
a joyous holiday season,
no matter what you may celebrate.

May your 2010 be flush with health and happiness!

I Know Telling You This Is a Total Dick Move On My Part...

...but I leave for Maui the day after Christmas
and get this
all my airfare and accommodations are being taken care of by someone else.

Feel free to curse at me now.

I Don't Usually Post About Dreams I Have...

...but this one was pretty vivid, so I'm going to make an exception.

So I'm at a Cubs game at Wrigley Field and someone I don't know comes up to me and asks if I'd like to watch the game from the Cubs dugout. I was a little skeptical, but I decided it was too good an offer to pass up. This person led me to a special entrance which we passed through without anyone asking who we were. As we were walking down a corridor I was in disbelief that this was actually happening. We entered a run-down locker room and I proceeded to take off my shorts because I thought I'd be too hot. I had on tidy-whities (which I haven't worn since I was a kid). I then entered the dugout, feeling a little out of place. I looked around and noticed that there were boxes of candy everywhere - all kinds. I asked someone if you had to pay for it and they told me no, I could have all I wanted - free! There was also a bar at the far end with a guy serving drinks. Again I asked if you had to pay. No, they told me. It was an open bar. I asked for a Dos Equis tall boy can (which I've never seen and don't think exists). I took my beer and tried not to get in the way as I watched the Cubs lose, 5-1. I can't remember who they were playing.

The weird thing was that, in the dream, the Cubs dugout was along the first base line rather than the third base line where it actually is. As soon as I realized this, I woke up.

Merry Fishmas...

This is a simple folk art decoy I carved and painted for Megan's parents
for Christmas. It was fun. I hadn't done one of these in a long time.

I haven't forgotten about the fish I promised some of you.
I have a lot of the carving done, but you'll just have to be patient.

My Holiday Sweater...

Make your own!

My Admitedly Juvenile Impression Of Douchebag Senator Joe Lieberman Of Connecticut...

I'm Not Talking About Tiger Woods...

The big topic of conversation this weekend amongst my fellow ski patrollers was how sick everyone was of hearing about Tiger Woods. Many spoke at length about how they had had enough of all the coverage and how the media was devoting WAY too much time to the subject. By the end of the weekend I was so tired of hearing about how everyone was so sick of hearing about Tiger Woods that it created some sort of weird paradigm shift. Now, I have an uncontrollable urge to hear everything I possibly can about Tiger Woods. I plan on filling my days doing nothing but gathering information about Tiger Woods, his mood, what color socks he's wearing - anything I can possibly know. I want to know how many poops he'll take this week. I want to know if the mayo in his fridge has gone bad. Most of all, I want more speculation. I want to know what other people think he's doing or thinking. I want there to be a fucking 24-hour Tiger Woods Channel with multiple scrolls along the bottom indicating what he's up to at any given moment and what his current rectal temperature is. After all, the guy hits a ball into a hole better than anyone on the planet. You'd have to be some sort of incurious turd not to want to know all that you could.

Ski Report '09: Week One...

We have gotten quite a bit of snow around here over the last week, but that doesn't always translate into a good opening weekend. Not all the runs are groomed, much of the staff is still getting the hang of things, and one's ski legs can be a little rusty. That said, this was a pretty decent weekend. Saturday was absolutely beautiful - 30s and blue skies all day without a single injury. I couldn't have asked for a better first day. Today was overcast which made changes in terrain very hard to see. We had one accident - a knee. I didn't do any first aid, but I did take the patient down the hill in the toboggan. I also finished a bitch of a crossword puzzle while I was in the patrol room. I think this ski season is off to a good start!

For those of you new to this blog, I like to highlight the song that was playing during what I felt was my best run of the weekend. This time it was "Holland, 1945" by Neutral Milk Hotel. Enjoy!

Here's What Happens In Northern Michigan...

...when you live in a poorly insulated house with a low-pitched roof and you get a lot of snow and you wait too long before you get off your ass and rake it off:

Nothing Gets Me In The Chrismas Spirit...

...quite like a dose of Better Off Dead.
Ricky's mom is the gift that keeps on giving.

If you want to see the extended scene, click HERE.

If you've never watched it at all, what is your problem?

Get Off Yer Ass, Sajak!...

These vowels ain't gonna sell themselves, champ.
We've got inventory to move
so look alive, dammit!

Happy Birthday, Dude!...

One of my all-time favorite actors,
Jeff Bridges,
turns the big 6-0 today!

Here's one of my favorite fictional movie president speeches from The Contender. I posted this once a while ago, but what the hell...



And just for the fuck of it: (NSFW)

I Need Your Vote...

As some of you may know, I was nominated for a number of Drysdale Awards this year. I've won five of these bad boys over the years, but one that has eluded me is the award for Dullest Blog. Even though I'm up for other awards, I'm focusing all my attention on this particular race. I've put a lot of effort into boring the shit out of you all this past year and I think I deserve your vote. Voting is currently underway along the sidebar at the link above. Don't worry. If you've already cast your vote, there's still time to change it. Please consider the following my campaign video:

Using an electric toothbrush while listening to Tito Puente.

Happy Turkey Farts Everyone!...

Have a joyous Thanksgiving! Remember to do everyone a favor today and for the love of God light a match when you're done in there! Jeez!

Documentary Film Of The Day: Gates Of Heaven...

I can't believe I haven't highlighted this film yet. It is a classic - one of my all-time favorites - and is available for instant viewing on Netflix. I won't say much about it other than it was Errol Morris' first film and it features this guy wearing what is undoubtedly one of the best jackets I've ever seen.

Add it to your queue or watch it right away HERE.

Three Guys Who Could Record Themselves Reading The Phonebook And I'd Listen...

Sir David Attenborough
 

Orson Welles

 Werner Herzog

One Of My Favorite Blues Jams...

...to start your weekend off right.

Lightnin' Hopkins - Moving Out Boogie

R.I.P. Jeanne-Claude...

June 13, 1935 – November 18, 2009

I became a fan of Christo and Jeanne-Claude through the wonderful series of documentaries by Albert Maysles. Their artwork, which has included the recent Central Park "Gates" is often controversial and sometimes confusing to people. With so many people in need in the world, why spend all that time, money, and effort on artwork that will be gone after a few weeks? Many question whether it is art at all. Well, I think it is art and it does have value. I think, like it or not, it gets people thinking. I like it when people try things no one else has tried, especially when it's stuff that no one thinks is possible. Plus, I think their projects are beautiful. Hell, even if you don't like it, it won't be around very long. Some of my favorites include:

Running Fence - California 1976



Valley Curtain - Colorado, 1972

Surrounded Islands - Miami, 1983

No Nose Picking...

Now that I've got your attention...

In grade school we had a music teacher named Mrs. Jones (Grant Miller may remember her). Mrs. Jones was unflappable, for the most part, except when it came to one thing - nose picking. She did not abide nose pickers in her class. She had a rear-view mirror mounted to her piano so that she could spot any perpetrators as she would play. However, whenever she caught someone, rather than stop mid-song, she'd incorporate her scolding into the lyrics of whatever song - usually something patriotic - that we were learning. So, for example, This Land Is Your Land became:

This land is your land, this land is my land
From California, to the New York Island
From the redwood forest, no nose picking Jason
This land was made for you and me

To this day I can't hear the Star Spangled Banner or God Bless America without thinking about that crusty clinger that's dying to be extricated from my nostril. So if you're at a sporting event and you see me with my finger up my nose rather than my hand over my heart, you can blame Mrs. Jones.

Documentary Film Of The Day: The Fall Of Fujimori...

Before watching this film, I knew very little about Alberto Fujimori and his stint as president of Peru from 1990 to 2000. The movie covers his unlikely rise to power, the authoritarian ways he dealt with rampant terrorism, and the corruption and human rights violations that led to his downfall. Fujimori himself is featured throughout the film after he has fled to Japan seeking asylum. Today, Fujimori sits in prison in Peru, but still maintains high approval ratings for his part in cracking down on violence there. I thought this movie was very interesting and made me wish our country wasn't afraid to hold our leaders accountable for the crimes they commit in the name of fighting terrorism.

Netflix it HERE.

Thanks, Melinda June...

I've been trying to put my finger on just what the cover of the new Sarah Palin book reminded me of. While she had a different one in her post, I think they're similar.

Other Band Names Considered By They Might Be Giants...

- Perhaps Those Guys Could Be Bigger Than Most People.
-There's A Chance These Individuals Will Be Enormous
-Them Sure Ain't Small
-I'd Consider Putting Money On Them Being Fucking Huge
-The Titanic Nature Of The Two Men In Question Is A Distinct Possibility
-They May Get Drafted By A Baseball Team In San Francisco Or A Football Team In New York

The New OK GO Video...

My friend Dan is the drummer for this band (the one batting all the balls) and just posted this on Facebook, so it is hot off the presses. Like the other OK GO videos, it looks cool as hell. Enjoy!

More Video Of People Jumping From High Places...

A friend of mine in British Columbia who is into paragliding posted this on Facebook. I love stuff like this. Try to watch it through to the end. The photography is amazing.

B.A.S.E.O. from justACRO on Vimeo.

What Do You Get When You Cross A Wombat With A Rectal Exam?...

Answer:

Holy Fucking Shit! A New Post!...

Greetings, all. For those of you who sent out search parties, you can call them off. I think this is the longest I have gone without posting since I started this goofy blog, so I understand your worry. I think I just needed a break. I'm hoping now that I've caught my second wind and will be posting once again with some regularity.

A few posts ago I mentioned THIS VIDEO and how cool I thought it was. Since then, thanks to Netflix Instant Viewing, I have worked my way through all 13 episodes of Cosmos. I can't say enough about this series. It was originally aired in the 80s, but still holds up quite well in my opinion. It is a celebration of scientific discovery throughout history and of the potential of the human mind. My limited knowledge of Sagan came mostly from those old Johnny Carson Tonight Show sketches. I'm happy now to have a more complete picture of who he was. While it is true that he could be a bit of a cheeseball, it is the good kind of cheeseball. His enthusiasm for science, knowledge, skepticism, turtlenecks and the intricate beauty of the universe was infectious. If you've never watched it, you should. If you have kids, watch it with them. It proves that not everything on television is crap.

Another Video With Two Favorites...

After finding the Louis Armstrong/Johnny Cash video, I am now on the lookout for live performances that combine two or more musicians that I consider legends. This is from a 1974 T.V. show on the CBC starring Canadian jazz pianist Oscar Peterson and the great Ray Charles. Peterson is one of my all-time favorite pianists and Ray Charles is an icon. The sound and picture aren't great, but it's still worth it. I figure most of you know Ray Charles music, but if you aren't familiar with Oscar Peterson, here's a short sample of what he's capable of:

Things I Suck At: Caption Contests...

There are a number of blogs that, from time to time, feature caption contests in which a photo is posted and people compete to come up with the most original caption for it. One of the most prominent is the long-running "Firecrotch Of The Month" contest at The Pop Eye. Every time I see one of these contests it is a sad reminder of just how bad I am at captioning. I present to you a few of my failed entries from various sites. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong:

Shit I Liked: Team Cereal...

Granted, there weren't any dried marshmallows or plastic toys in the box, but as far as bland flake cereals went, this one was one of the best. I can remember many happy mornings polishing off a bowl of Team (without milk, mind you) and then digging the masticated cereal clods out of my teeth with my fingernail, admiring them for a second, and then putting them back in my mouth for further digestion.

Shit I Liked: Space Legos...

As some of you may have noticed, I have not been around as much lately. My posts have been thin and I haven't been leaving as many comments on your blogs (although I do still visit). I don't know what it is. I decided the thing I originally liked about the blog is that I can post whatever the fuck I want - funny or not. Like, maybe I'll post about random shit I liked...

In the early Eighties I was all about Space Legos. They invited creativity and were my toys of choice as a kid. They dominated any Christmas or birthday list I was asked to make. I would always build it as instructed first to prove I could, then quickly take it apart and make my own variations, often including parts from other sets. I found a site where you can browse every Lego set ever produced. If you were into Legos of any kind, you may find it interesting. These are the ones I remember having:

Cosmic Cruiser

Star Fleet Voyager

All-Terrain Vehicle

Space Probe Launcher

Mobile Rocket Transport

Robot Command Center

Documentary Film Of The Day: Objectified...

This film just came out on DVD a few days ago. It's by Gary Hustwit, the same director behind the Helvetica movie. This one looks at industrial design and the incredible amount of thought that goes into objects we use everyday, both in terms of their form and their functionality. Like his last film, I really like the sleek photography and subdued style Hustwit employs. If you're interested in design you should enjoy this one. You can watch the trailer HERE.

Netflix it HERE.
Available at iTunes HERE.

Birdmen...

I've jumped out of an airplane, but I don't think I'd have the stones to try this. It's cool as hell to watch, though!

There was a story about this on 60 Minutes, so if you want to see more you can check it out.

A Cool Video With Louis Armstrong And Johnny Cash...

Two of my all-time favorites - together.
This was taped in late 1970,
less than a year before Armstrong died.

Documentary Film Of The Day: Anvil: The Story Of Anvil...

This film ranks up there with some of the great rockumentaries I've seen. It is the story of the heavy metal group Anvil - a band that influenced metal heavyweights like Metallica and Anthrax - yet suffered through relative obscurity for the last 30 years. The movie follows the struggle of the original members to find the success they thought they had earned. It is funny and optimistic at times and heartbreaking at others. In case you're having doubts about Netflixing this one, you don't need to know Anvil's music to appreciate the story. Check it out!

A Carl Sagan Post...

After seeing this kick-ass video that Vikki posted on Facebook, I've been watching other Carl Sagan videos and learning more about him. I'll be honest. I've never read any of his books (I will now) or watched any of his shows like Cosmos (I will now). Here are a couple things to watch:

A hypercube rotation.

I Wasn't Sure What To Do With This...

I mean, it is Fox News. Is it even in dispute anymore that what happens there is not journalism?

Now, don't get me wrong. This Couey guy sounds like a bastard of the highest order and if you are someone who believes in hell, then I can understand why you'd think that's where he's headed. I'm just curious who their sources are on this, at least as far as the headline is concerned. Maybe they meant that he was headed to Hell, Michigan, in which case I apologize.

This Monkey Is My New Hero...

I randomly Googled monkey fart just now and found this. I'd never seen it before. I love how matter-of-fact the monkey is about it. He walks up, does his business, and gets out. I'm sure I did the same sort of thing more than once to my little brother when we were growing up. I know for a fact that he used to do it to me.

These Guys Really Give Me The Willies...

Edited to add: