12/14/2009

I'm Not Talking About Tiger Woods...

The big topic of conversation this weekend amongst my fellow ski patrollers was how sick everyone was of hearing about Tiger Woods. Many spoke at length about how they had had enough of all the coverage and how the media was devoting WAY too much time to the subject. By the end of the weekend I was so tired of hearing about how everyone was so sick of hearing about Tiger Woods that it created some sort of weird paradigm shift. Now, I have an uncontrollable urge to hear everything I possibly can about Tiger Woods. I plan on filling my days doing nothing but gathering information about Tiger Woods, his mood, what color socks he's wearing - anything I can possibly know. I want to know how many poops he'll take this week. I want to know if the mayo in his fridge has gone bad. Most of all, I want more speculation. I want to know what other people think he's doing or thinking. I want there to be a fucking 24-hour Tiger Woods Channel with multiple scrolls along the bottom indicating what he's up to at any given moment and what his current rectal temperature is. After all, the guy hits a ball into a hole better than anyone on the planet. You'd have to be some sort of incurious turd not to want to know all that you could.

7 comments:

McGone said...

I really miss the good old days when people wouldn't shut the fuck up about Jon and Kate Gosselin. *sigh*

BeckEye said...

I wouldn't be surprised if the 24-hour Tiger Woods channel comes to pass. I was astounded when I saw a special "Tiger" ticker on ESPN last week. It's just plain ridonk.

SkylersDad said...

The only thing that I have enjoyed about this whole Tiger thing was SNL's fake press conference about it.

Bill Stankus said...

I don't recall there being much fuss when Michael Jordan was outed for having sex with porn actresses.

And what about the pro athletes who have fathered scads of kids in the cities they go to for games?

Tiger needs to hire the PR firms who repaired the public images of Tom Cruise, Kobe Bryant, etc. I mean, Kobe has the rape thing in his past and he's as popular as ever.

Tiger is feeling the sting of hypocritical moralizing fostered by a media with a gas can and match.

Don't ya just luv sensationalism!

Jay Ferris said...

I'm pretty sure that all of us have had sex with Tiger Woods in one form or another.

The Peach Tart said...

It is getting old except more women keep coming forward.

kirby said...

Has his mayo gone bad? Not according to all of his girlfriends. Heeeeeyoh!