10/21/2008

Everyone Relax!...

Seriously, everyone needs to calm the fuck down. I know you're all worried about Madonna and her split from that Guy over there in England. I know you want to reach out to her in her time of need and give her a shoulder to cry on - a backrub perhaps. What I'm trying to tell you is that everything is going to be okay. Gwyneth Paltrow is on the case, y'all. She is going to be Madonna's safe harbor during this storm. She's gonna be her rock. Before you know it they'll be lying in bed, eating Haagen-Dazs, laughing, and lamenting what jerks men can be.
And then there will be a lull in the conversation.
And then a shared glance that lasts a little too long.
And then their legs will accidentally touch.
And then Madonna will ask Gwyneth if she's ever thought about kissing a girl.
And, well, you can fill in the rest...

4 comments:

Cap'n Ergo "Carthage" Jinglebollocks said...

I think YOU should fill in th' rest FOR us. Think of it as practice for NaBloPoMo...

kirby said...

Here, I'll finish it:

"And then suddenly, in the heat of the moment, Madonna's bony, osteoporosis riddled elbow pokes a hole in Gwynneth's chest, piercing her pulmonary artery. Gwynneth dies, but not before Madonna drowns in a pool of blood."

A happy ending for everyone!

Some Guy said...

Kirby- I couldn't have ended it better myself! Very sexy.

Grant Miller said...

God bless you for writing this.

A friend of mine shared a solo elevator ride with Ms. Paltrow at a swanky Chicago hotel. Nothing happened, but he said it was a little awkward.