Happy Halloween Everyone!...

Here's hoping none of those little shits egg your house.

Sincerely,
Some Guy and Peter Pumpkinbutt

I Give Up...

I feel deflated.

I mean, are we that dumb? Can we really have ANY faith in the wisdom and leadership of this man and his henchmen? I'm referring to THIS.

Insanity. A stinking, wretched pile of unmitigated insanity.

The Queen...

Megan and I watched "The Queen" last night. As you may have noticed, I tend to prefer documentary films to dramatic films, but I thought this one was extremely well done. Helen Mirren's performance was outstanding. The film included bits and pieces of real footage and that may have been part of its appeal for me.

The monarchy is such an odd concept for me. I don't get it. Still, I felt sympathy towards Elizabeth, not so much because of the anger directed towards her and her initial lack of response to Diana's death (the primary focus of the film), but because she has been so insulated from real life and so hamstrung by tradition and expectations that she has never been able to choose her own destiny. At one point they mention how, when she returns to the palace after Diana's death and walks among the crowd, looking at the sea of flowers that have been left, that it is the first time she has appeared publicly among her subjects since World War II.

Anyways, it was a neat film and worth checking out. You'll especially enjoy the part where she and Phillip are ripping farts and lighting them on fire.

OK, I've Tortured You All Long Enough...

I figured I'd left that poo picture up long enough, so I thought I'd replace it with something a little more aesthetically pleasing - a picture of our fearless leader holding an adorable kit... huh? No! Wait!

Dammit, George, you're not supposed to EAT the kitty! No! Put it down. Now! Bad POTUS!

Great. Back to the drawing board.

Idiot.

Happy Saturday!...

I don't think there's really anything else to say...

I Hate To Pass Judgment, But...

If you are buying "Kate & Allie" on DVD,
you've got some serious fucking problems.





This show lasted six seasons, y'all.
Six.
And you know what?
I watched it.
More than once.
I thought the one brunette daughter was cute.

Quite Possibly The Lamest Pet Peeve Anyone Could Ever Possibly Have...Ever...

OK, so each time I start my truck, the volume on the car stereo has automatically reset itself to a relatively quiet setting. My reflex has become to immediately turn the volume up so that I can sufficiently rock out. Seems like every time I adjust the volume, though, I inevitably want to know what time it is. Since I don't wear a watch, I rely on the clock in the car which is on the car stereo readout. The problem is, when I adjust the volume, the readout temporarily switches from the clock to whatever the radio station is I'm tuned to. It takes the clock like, I don't know, ten seconds to reappear. However long it is, it is longer than necessary. It's really annoying to sit and wait that long when you want to know what time it is. There is probably some button I could push to bring the clock back right away, but I don't have time for that.

So, to all you people that face hardships - things like losing a home to a fire or blindness - think about what I go through each time I start my car. Maybe it will help you put things in perspective so that you're not so quick to complain all the time.

"Documentary" Film Of The Day: Incident At Loch Ness...

I actually watched this movie for the second time the other night. If you like movies about making movies, "Incident At Loch Ness" will appeal to you. In the film, a documentary crew follows one of my favorite directors, Werner Herzog, famous for such epic movies as "Fitzcarraldo", "Aguirre: Wrath Of God", and "Grizzly Man", as he sets out to make a documentary about the legend of the Loch Ness Monster. During the course of making the film, we learn that producer Zak Penn has a very different vision for the film than Herzog. I'm not going to give too much away because this is the type of film that people should form their own opinions about. If you've liked my other recommendations, add this one to your list. It's available on Netflix.

A Breakdown Of Ms. Spear's Latest Album...

Since I know most all of my readers are huge Britney Spears fans, I thought I'd provide a little synopsis of her latest album, Blackout, so that you all can be educated consumers. I must say, this album really shows how much Britney has matured, both vocally and lyrically. She truly is an "old soul". Here are the tracks:

• Gimme More: A biting critique on the out-of-control greed of Halliburton and other defense contractors, Britney pulls no punches in a song that is sure to put Dick Cheney and his Chickenhawk Brigade on notice that she knows what they're up to and she don't like it, yo.
• Piece Of Me: Britney brings it down a little with the second track. In "Piece Of Me", she describes the initial pain, but ultimate joy she experienced when she decided to donate her kidney to a homeless Laotian orphan. Have tissues handy for this one.
• Radar: Most people like to think Britney can have any guy she wants. Not true. In "Radar" she pours her heart out about the one man she could never have - Gary Burghoff. It is a heartbreaking tale of unrequited love. Listen as she deftly works Grape Nehi and Ottumwa, Iowa into this lyrical tour-de-force. I hope you still have your tissues nearby.
• Break The Ice: OK, enough down-tempo stuff. This track, that is sure to be a club hit, takes on the issue of global warming and the out-of-control reduction in the polar ice caps. If Al Gore got a Nobel Prize for his efforts, Britney should get at least three for this track.
• Heaven On Earth: Here, we get a sense of Britney's spiritual side - or perhaps her lack thereof, as the case may be. In "Heaven On Earth" we see Britney shun her religious roots and embrace the idea that heaven is just a myth created by man to control the weak-minded. It is a surprising twist and one that is sure to ruffle the feathers of her more devout fans.
• Get Naked (I Got A Plan): This track tackles the rapid growth of the Southeast Asian sex-trade industry. If your daughter is considering a future in prostitution, sit her down and have her listen to this one. It'll scare her straight, fo' sho.
• Freakshow: Few know about the deplorable conditions and low pay that modern freaks are subjected to. Enter Britney. She has been a tireless crusader for the plight of bearded women and pinheads around the world. With any hope, this song will finally turn the tide and allow these freaks to live with some sense of dignity.
  
• Toy Soldier: You'd probably think this one would be about the courage and heroism of veterans of the Iraq War. Actually, it is a song about Helmuth von Moltke, a field-marshal in the Franco-Prussian War. It's very educational and has a great beat.
  
• Hot As Ice: This one is about global warming, too. It's just, like, a REALLY important issue for Britney.
  
• Ooh Ooh Baby: Motherhood is something that Britney holds very sacred. This song is a sweet lullaby Britney sings to her boys each night before shedding her panties and heading out for the clubs of Sunset.
  
• Perfect Lover: In "Perfect Lover", Britney revisits her childhood and reminisces about Gumby, a horse she used to ride on weekends in Louisiana. I'm not sure what the title of the song means, but hey, that's Britney. She's always been kinda cryptic.
  
• Why Should I Be Sad: Britney wraps things up in a nice little package with "Why Should I Be Sad", a song about the tremendous hardship she faced when, on the morning of April 7, 2006, without any warning, she was told that her usual Starbucks was out of her favorite Caramel Frappuccino and she had to, like, drive five blocks to another one. Thankfully, they were able to accommodate her. So, the album ends on a happy note.

If you'd like to listen for yourself first, go HERE, but I'd tell you it's a waste of time. You're gonna want to buy this one for yourself immediately.

If I Had A Tall Ship...

...I think I'd spend the bulk of my time on the poop deck.

It just seems like where I'd want to be.

By the way, we can add "poop deck" to the list of Google Image Search phrases that feature a picture of Dubya on page one.

Can We Call It Something Else?...

To be honest with you, I've never really been wild about the word "blog". It sounds too much like blob or blah or slog or flog. Here are a few alternatives I'm kicking around. Feel free to add your own.

• Bleer
• Blump
• Bloob (or Blooter)
  
• Blo'Reilly
• Blitch
• Blangst
• Blurp
• Blop
  
• Bleeb
• Blork
  
• Blozo
• Blupid
• Blonsense
  

Separated At Birth...

I just realized that Fox News /Weekly Standard wanker, William "The Bloody" Kristol looks almost exactly like Reverend Horton Heat frontman, Jim Heath.

A lot of you probably don't know who either of these guys are. If not, get to know the latter and his music, but try to avoid the former like the plague.

If You're Looking For The Jokey-Joke, This Ain't Your Post...

Alright. Enough's enough.

I was reading a post at Crooks & Liars about something that conservative bozo Glenn Beck said regarding the fires in Southern California. You can see the full post HERE, but here's part of it:

On the October 22 edition of his nationally syndicated radio program, host Glenn Beck stated, “I think there is a handful of people who hate America. Unfortunately for them, a lot of them are losing their homes in a forest fire today.”

I thought this seemed dumb, even by wingnut standards, so I followed the link to Media Matters to get the full context. Feel free to read it if you like.

Here's the thing. I am never going to tell someone they hate America. Not even the most vile of hatemongers - O'Reilly, Coulter, or Mr. Beck. Know why? Because it's fucking stupid and lazy and it makes us all dumber for hearing it.

I'm sure I'm one of the people that would be labeled an "America Hater" by most of these types. It's probably because I don't buy into patriotic bullshit. Like my oft-quoted comic guru Bill Hicks would say when asked if he was proud to be an American, "Well, my parents fucked here. I didn't have much to do with it." It's so arbitrary. I could have just as easily been born in Paris or Kabul. But since I'm here, I'm gonna try and make it the kind of country I want it to be - a peaceful place that treats its citizens and the rest of the world fairly and otherwise leaves me the fuck alone. I'd like to think I'd do the same no matter what country I was born in.

So, if you're going to say America is hateable, let's ask ourselves, "What is America?"

At its core, America (or, more accurately, the United States.) is a defined area of land. I find it hard to hate something like that. Sure, there are some real shitholes around the country, but usually that's the fault of people, not the land itself.

If you want to get philosophical, you could try to argue that America is a concept - a state-of-mind. If pressed, I think most people believe the most important component of the concept of America is the idea of freedom and personal liberty. Well, I have news for them. Freedom is not uniquely American. There are countries all over the world that allow their citizens as much, if not more, personal liberty as we do. Isn't it interesting that a country so giddy about freedom locks up more people, per capita, than any other. My point is that if you hate the idea that people are free, you aren't necessarily hating America exclusively.

Some might say America is defined by our democracy. Again, many, many countries have representative government. Ours is not unique, except maybe for the fact that the person who most people vote for doesn't necessarily always win. Hating democratic governance (or whatever bastardized version of it we have) does not equal hating America exclusively.

It is out of love, not hate, that I advocate alternatives to war and violence in all instances. It is out of love that I advocate the same human rights for all people, not just the ones within our borders. It is out of love that I advocate every human's right to food, water, shelter, clothing, health care, and education. It is out of love, not hate, that I support everyone's right to exercise their free will, so long as it doesn't cause another to suffer.

You know what I find hateful? I find it hateful to take advantage of a nation's resources and infrastructure to amass personal wealth, then do everything you can to avoid paying the taxes that support that nation. I find it hateful to ask poor men and women to go and fight other poor men and women for your own personal enrichment and glory. I find it hateful to condemn others based on the perceived rules of some imaginary man in the sky. Even so, I wouldn't say people like this hate America.

They hate other things.
Things like logic.
And compassion.
And equality.
And peace.

Last One, I Swear...

I thought this was super-cool as a kid.

Nine More...

I remember this one really creeping me out.

Nine...

YouTube is a fucking joy. It really is. You can find pretty much anything.

I'm In A Lazy, YouTube-Posting Mood Today...

I wish I had had an appreciation for how trippy these things were when I was a little kid. Dig all the medieval imagery - dragons, castles, giant feet. Any of you parents out there know if they still play these things?

Eight Second Video...

Ha...

Last night I was at a housewarming party for someone Megan works with. I didn't know any of the people there. I was talking to someone who wanted to tell me a joke, but to avoid making me feel uncomfortable, she first asked me "You're not a republican, are you?"

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ha haha heh heh whoo heheh heh

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I forget now what the joke was.

More Fun With Google Image Search...

Just for the hell of it, I conducted a little experiment with Google Image Search. First, with the help of an online thesaurus, I made a list of synonyms for the word "idiot". Then I did an image search of each to see how many pages it took until I got to a picture of Dubya. The results are as follows:

• ass - 21 (with a "safe search", it was page 11)
  
• blockhead - 35
• boob - I stopped at 48. Our friend, The Boob Lady, popped up on page 23
• cretin - 14
• dimwit - 1
• dummy - 7
• dunce - 1
• dunderhead - 1
• fool - 12
• halfwit - 2
• idiot - 1
  
• ignoramous - 1
• imbecile - 4 (His mom was on page 1)
• jackass - 28
• mental defective - 7
• moron - 1
• nitwit - 2
• pinhead - 9
• simpleton - 2
• twit - 1

I didn't take the time to link to all of them because they fluctuate. The following searches also turned up Dubya pics on the first page: dark lord, dumb fucking dummy, dipshit, petulant asshole, texas shame, and all hat no cattle.

Questions That May Arise During A Heavily Intoxicated Viewing Of "The Empire Strikes Back"...

"Dude, do you think any of the Lobots and the Ugnaughts ever got it on? If so, would you call their offspring "Lugnaughts"?"

Helpin' Out The 'Stans...

It was sad for me to learn that tourism is in decline in many Central Asian countries, especially the ones that end in "stan". I mean, just because these are cold, gray countries utterly void of anything interesting to do doesn't mean people shouldn't visit them. Just because a few of them are run by crackpot dictators or harbor religious extremists shouldn't deter people from booking their next trip there. I think it's time to put a positive spin on these countries to generate a buzz. If I've learned anything from republicans it's that you can change people's perceptions of things simply by changing what you call them (i.e. surge rather than escalation). So I'm throwing these out there. These countries can take my suggestions or leave them. I'm only trying to help.


First, rather than Pakistan, call it "Crackistan". As I've mentioned before, I've heard that people who use crack can't seem to get enough of it. That's what you want when it comes to tourism - you want to leave them wanting more.





Similarly, Kyrgyzstan should become "Beergyzstan". Just try to drink one beer. It's impossible. Like I said, keep them wanting more. For added incentive, start pumping beer through your nation's drinking fountains. Tourism will take off like an old Russian MiG!






Despite Borat's best efforts, Kazakhstan is still having trouble enticing that elusive tourism dollar. The problems should cease once the name is changed to "Brasakhstan". Anything boob-related is bound to grab people's attention.




Uzbekistan sounds creepy, right? How about "Poohzbekistan"? Have you ever seen a character more cute and cuddly? Not to mention, with Pooh comes the awesome power of the Disney Corporation. I ask you, who knows more about luring dopey tourists than they do? Answer: Nobody.


Turkmenistan? Lame city! I'd call it Pacmanistan after today's most popular video game. As support, I'll cite the success of the Pac Man cartoon series, the song "Pac Man Fever", and Pac Man cereal. Pac Man can do for Turkmenistan what Heather Locklear does for struggling TV shows.




Now, in the case of Afghanistan, there is already some appeal. People like Afghan blankets and dogs. However, there's always room for improvement. So, why not drop the "Afgh" and just call it "Anistan". It won't be long before people start saying they like your country because it seems so down-to-earth, like the country next-door.



Oh, and before you ask, "Hey, you forgot about Tajikistan?", forget it. That country is beyond help.

Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner...

Well, I held out as long as I could.

I made it all the way up until yesterday without seeing "Dirty Dancing". The fact that I've been sans girlfriend all this time might have something to do with my avoidance of it thus far. I can see why you ladies swoon over it. There's dancing. There's a generally shirtless or sweaty (or both) bad boy. There's forbidden romance. Plus, there's white-hot Jerry Orbach. What's not to love?

Although this is typically not my kind of film, it wasn't the worst thing I've ever seen. My one main complaint is with the music. They should've stuck with the '60 tunes exclusively. "Hungry Eyes" seemed oddly misplaced. And "She's Like The Wind"? Ouch.

I am a little concerned that this is a slippery slope. What's next? Shopping for dust ruffles? An afternoon of decoupage? I don't care how cute Megan is. I refuse to knit tea cozies, dammit!

Jeez, Another One!?...

This tag is via Samurai Frog. I'm supposed to tell you seven things you don't know about me. This will be difficult because I've pretty much told you damn near everything (I think I've done this tag a few times before). I'll give it a shot, though:

1. I got to ride my bike out onto the field before a San Francisco Giants game at Candlestick Park during the National Anthem. It was at the beginning of my cross-country bike trip. It was a weird-ass feeling being in front of that many people at once. I can't imagine how the players must feel.
   
2. I used to love to listen to Casey Kasem's top-forty countdown every Sunday morning after church while eating donuts. I still like donuts, but have long since outgrown church and Casey.
   
3. I earned the Gold Feather award in Indian Guides when I was a kid. I thought I was hot shit because I got this kick-ass plaque (that I nerdily still have). To get it, you had to get a bunch of the other feathers first. You earned them by memorizing stuff about trees, rocks, constellations, and other nature-related stuff. I was in the Chippewa tribe. My Indian-name was Little Bear and my dad was Big Bear.
4. If talent wasn't an issue and I could have any job I wanted, I think I'd either be a jazz musician or a play-by-play announcer for either football or baseball games. I also wouldn't mind being the guy who got to "greenlight" TV shows for a particular network. Oh, and I think doing something in woodworking would be cool, too.
   
5. I didn't really start following politics closely until I moved to France my junior year of college. It was during the Clinton/Bush Sr./Perot race. I'd get the International Herald Tribune to keep tabs on who was doing what. Even though I knew little about the other two, I really didn't want Poppy Bush to win.
6. I found out I had Osgood Slaughter disease my freshman year of high school, which got me out of running cross-country. I always thought it was a tough-sounding thing to have, even though it was relatively harmless.
7. I hate freedom. Or so I've been told...

I tag: Doc (once he gets his fleas under control), Hapabukbuk, and Mixednut

It's Been A While...

...since I've been tagged. Now I have two. Here's the first, via Gizmorox:


TO DO: List 5 things you do, did or like that some may consider “totally lame,” but that you are totally proud of. Tag 5 others:

1. First, one from the past. In high school, I competed in the Illinois State Drafting Competition. Yes, such a thing existed. This was back before computers fully seized control of the drafting biz. I was a finalist at my regional competition and got to go to the state finals at U of I in Champaign. Another kid and I made it from my high school in different divisions (I was in the mechanical drawing category). Despite having all the state-of-the-art drafting equipment - technical pencils, compasses, an electric eraser - I didn't win. I thought I did pretty well, but got marked down for using a lettering template, something that was never mentioned in the rules. Fucking bullshit.
2. I wear the same kinds of clothes I wore when I was in third grade. Well, the clothes are a little bigger, but they're the same. I wear solid polo shirts, flannel shirts, Levi's (505s), and khaki shorts. I'm all about comfort.
3. As I probably mentioned before, I was a huge Mr. Rogers fan, and I believe most people consider him extremely lame. Not me.
   
4. I went trick-or-treating when I was a senior in high school. You think that's lame, but it was hilariously fun and I got tons of candy.
5. I listen to my one Enya CD every now and then. I should be ashamed, but I'm not.

I tag: The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch, Melinda June, Skyler's Dad, May-B, and Amy.

My Green Monkey Music Selections...

Man, I am way behind. Splotchy already has his next mix up and I haven't even discussed my picks for the mix I selected. Here are my songs:

1 - Joe Williams - Goin' To Chicago Blues: I had to have a Chicago song in this mix, but I didn't want one of the typical ones like "My Kind Of Town" or "Sweet Home, Chicago". Joe Williams is an old school crooner with a rich, velvety voice. Some of you may recognize him as Claire's dad on The Cosby Show.

2 - Guster - Amsterdam: I have lots of fond memories of Amsterdam. This song was actually recommended to me by fellow blogger Johnny Yen in an old post of mine.

3 - Donovan - Sunny South Kensington: This is a fun, bouncy Donovan song. I always try to inject a little Donovan whenever possible.

4 - Fats Domino - Mardi Gras In New Orleans: I'm a big Fats Domino fan. I love jumpin' piano. Since I've been to Mardi Gras in New Orleans, I thought this was appropriate.

5 - Lionel Hampton & Oscar Peterson - Indiana: More piano, but with the addition of the late, brilliant Lionel Hampton on the vibraphone. I got to see Lionel Hampton perform live at age 92 at a casino in Traverse City. Obviously he wasn't at his peak, but he still put on a hell of a show. I think I paid $10. It should also be known that I have hoosier blood. My dad's mom grew up on a farm in Crown Point, IN.

6 - XTC - It's Nearly Africa: XTC is one of my all-time favorite bands. This one is off of English Settlement, an album I had lost but that was kindly replaced by frequent commenter, Randy.

7 - John Linnell - Michigan: This one is off of John's State Songs album. John is one half of They Might Be Giants for those that don't recognize the name. The songs are absurdly fun. It seemed fitting to close with a song about my home state.

Thanks again for the opportunity, Splotchy!

Documentary Film Of The Day - In The Realms Of The Unreal...

Sorry about the lack of posts lately. There's probably gonna be a flurry of them today, so try to keep up.

Today's documentary is perfect for anyone who has liked my other documentary choices that involved eccentric people. It's about a man named Henry Darger, of whom there are only three known photographs. Henry had a turbulent childhood and ended up living a solitary life in Chicago, working as a janitor for the Catholic church. Henry was always in his own little world, according to the few people that knew him. Actually, no one really knew him. After his death, his landlord discovered massive amounts of written material and artwork which included a biography and a 15,000 page epic novel. The movie is fascinating and weird and brings to life many of Darger's illustrations. I highly recommend this one. It was also cool to learn from the credits that an old school acquaintance, Marlene Haegele, was involved in the production.

I Was Indisposed...

Sorry 'bout that.

I usually give warning when I go away, but I forgot.

I went down to Chicago for my niece's second birthday. Talk about a drunken bash! There's nothing quite like watching toddlers do keg stands. I did get some stuffed pizza while I was there.

I hope you all had a nice weekend. I'm gonna go now and read all the funny/thought-provoking shit that's awaiting me.

I'm Annoying...

Last night, I was being particularly annoying. Megan and I were watching a show I'm too embarrassed to admit to watching and it featured a werewolf. I kept calling it a "werewoof", as in "Look at that werewoof!" or "That werewoof is creepy!" I think I picked this up from a friend from high school who used to call them "werewoofs" to bug the shit out of another friend. Anyway, she told me that I should take the "L" I put in "bolth" and use it in "werewolf" instead. I then told her I would just pronounce every "L" from now on, just to be safe, including the ones in "walk" and "talk".

I think she stopped talking (or "tall-king") to me after that.

She Lucked Out...

While I think it's nice that the fine people at
GQ Magazine gave actress Charlize Theron
a much-needed ego boost
by naming her the "Sexiest Woman Alive" this year,
I hope she knows she only won the thing
because Anne Ramsey died in 1988.

So don't be going and getting a big head about it, Charlize.

An Ironic Statement...

I hate it when people complain.

Guess I Was Wrong...

I could've sworn George Burns died a while ago.

Come Play!...

Hey all, I'm hosting the latest Green Monkey Music Mix over at Splotchy's blog. If you're interested in participating, hustle on over and sign up. Slots are going fast!

Actually, they're not. I just posted it a few minutes ago. I'm such a liar.

Read This...

Some of you may have read my "Devangelism" post and the many comments that were generated. The subject of same-sex marriage came up in the comments and a debate followed. For those of you who haven't, please go read Coaster Punchman's amazing post on the subject. Much like the issue of marijuana legalization, I've never heard an argument opposing same-sex marriage that has any logic to it.

Some Yo-Yos...

Yo-Yo Ma

Yo-Yo Ma & Pa

Beware Candidates...

Just a quick word of warning to any of you politicians out there. If you want my vote, you better fucking have a flag lapel pin affixed to your clothing where I can see it. If not, you no getta my vote. Got it?

This is my number-motherfucking-one election issue. Stars and fucking bars, baby. To me, the most telltale sign that someone is going to be an effective leader and is someone who shares my values and priorities is the presence of that shiny little stick pin. Anyone who doesn't think this is the most important issue of our time is living in some godless, communist dreamland.

Wake up, America! The time to act is now. Demand your candidates prove their patriotism by wearing a pin. If they aren't wearing it, they obviously hate freedom and baby Jesus.

Captain Underpants...

This weekend I decided to institute a new policy. If it is warm enough to have the windows open in the house in October, I will only wear underpants while inside. The reasons are purely celebratory. I know that the winter chill could be upon us at any moment.

Yesterday was the first time I observed this new edict. I must say it was quite pleasant. At one point I was forced to put on some clothes when I had to take the cat litter out and dump it in the woods. However, as soon as I got inside, the clothes came off. I haven't gotten Megan to get on board yet, but I think after seeing how comfortable I look, she'll eventually cave.

Who knows, if the success of this plan continues, I might just expand it to September as well.

Vintage Cubs...

OK, so it didn't go EXACTLY like I predicted.
The outcome, however, was as expected.
Complete and utter collapse.

What a bunch of sucks.

I must say, I invested a lot less time and stress into
this year's playoffs and it was so much healthier for me.
I watched a few innings here and there, but I learned my lesson
about getting my hopes up in 2003.

Next year, schmext year...

A Trip Down Memory Lane...

My original avatar. Remember this?

I was tagged by Micgar to talk about how I got into blogging and why I do it. I think I did a post about this once, but I figure I can do it again for any new readers that may have happened along. For my older readers, this may be a rehash, so you may not want to bore yourselves with it.

Back in June of 2006, I had started a MySpace page for some unknown reason. I think it was out of pure curiosity. There, I started a little blog-like thing where I did short synopses for really disgusting movie adaptations for TV shows, a few of which can be found earlier on this blog. They were so bad that I restricted them to invite only. Around that time I got a note via MySpace from an old school friend and world-famous blogger, Grant Miller. He told me how he had this hugely popular blog that everyone loved, so I checked it out. I figured if Grant could do it, why not me? That's how my blog was born.

As you can tell if you look at my first few months of posting, I did not get a lot of traffic. That started to change after I guest-blogged for Grant while he was on vacation in July of '06. I did a fucking amazing job and enticed some new readers to my own blog. From there I discovered many of the blogs I frequent to this day. My links list is chronological, so you can tell the order in which I happened upon people.

I decided to do it mostly because I thought it would be fun. I like to try to be funny, but when it comes to humor, I have only one requirement: that I think it's funny. It's nice if what I write makes other people laugh, but it has to at least make me smile to make it on the blog. Of course, not all of my stuff is funny. I like to talk politics and religion a bit because they interest me. I also love documentary films and films in general, so every once in a while, I like to highlight a few of them. As I've said before, the rewards of starting this blog have been many. I have made new friends, re-established old friendships, and met a girlfriend that has since moved from far away to live with me. I also have a scorecard that may be helpful. I also have a seriously anal personal website that you're welcome to check out. It's linked up at the top on the right.

I still enjoy trying to come up with shit to put on here, but I do admit it gets more challenging as time passes. If y'all have any questions, I'll be happy to answer them.

Thanks...

Thanks for the recommendation, guys.
It's beautiful, trippy, and right up my alley.

All Hail Sans Pantaloons!...

I just knew he'd come through for me!

So Far, So Good...

Over on Frank's blog, he asked for predictions on just how exactly the Cubs would blow it in the post-season. Here is the prediction I made:

First round-
The Cubs completely tank the first two games of the series. They are on the brink of elimination into the bottom of the ninth of game three. They are down by four, but score five runs on two outs to squeeze out a win. They go on to win the final two games to take the divisional series.

Second round-
The Cubs sweep the series in convincing fashion, giving Cub fans the false impression that they've finally hit their stride.

World Series-
The Cubs win 17-2 in the opener and Cubs fans are going nuts. They win the next two, but drop the following three to tie the series. In game seven, they are up by one in the bottom of the ninth with two outs when the dark lord Sauron descends from the heavens and smites the entire roster with one sword stroke, like in the first Lord Of The Rings movie, forcing the Cubs to forfeit.

They've fulfilled my prophecy so far.

Serenity now, serenity now...

Edited to add: They lost game 2. If it's not going to play out the way I predicted, I wish they'd just lose game 3 and get it over with.

My Sister Sent Me This...

Chris Farley has reincarnated as a three-year-old-girl.

Bogus Fortune Cookies...

I ate two fortune cookies today.

One said: You are practical and analytical. What the hell kind of fortune is that? A fortune is supposed to make a prediction. It's supposed to either warn you of impending misfortune or alert you to something good that's about to happen. I already know I'm practical and analytical. Having a cookie tell me that is pointless.

The other said: Appreciate the caring people who surround you. Again, this isn't a fortune. This is advice, and lame advice at that. I mean, did this cookie really think I was about to scorn the caring people surrounding me? Maybe it thought I was going to appreciate the cruel people surrounding me. If I had wanted an advice cookie, I would've bought one. Jeez.

Hey, You Guys Have Good Taste In Music...

When it comes to documentary films, if I see something I really like (in this case, Okie Noodling) I'll try to watch all the other films the director has made. Bradley Beesley made a film called "The Fearless Freaks" about the band The Flaming Lips, a band that I'd obviously heard of but knew very little about. They'd always been on my list of bands to check out, but I just never got around to it. I think I'd probably like them, based on what I saw in the movie which, by the way, was really well done. So, if any of you are fans, where should I start with them album-wise?

A Challenge For All You Photoshop Pros...

See if you can give us a glimpse of what their offspring might look like.

By the way, do you think if we rubbed her tummy,
she might become docile, like an alligator?

Ew.

The thought of rubbing her tummy just registered.

I bet it's all gritty, like sandpaper.