10/03/2007

Bogus Fortune Cookies...

I ate two fortune cookies today.

One said: You are practical and analytical. What the hell kind of fortune is that? A fortune is supposed to make a prediction. It's supposed to either warn you of impending misfortune or alert you to something good that's about to happen. I already know I'm practical and analytical. Having a cookie tell me that is pointless.

The other said: Appreciate the caring people who surround you. Again, this isn't a fortune. This is advice, and lame advice at that. I mean, did this cookie really think I was about to scorn the caring people surrounding me? Maybe it thought I was going to appreciate the cruel people surrounding me. If I had wanted an advice cookie, I would've bought one. Jeez.

16 comments:

Spooney said...

I got one one time that actually said: "You are very popular and have had many lovers...been to the clinic lately?"

The sad part is that it wasn't true, nevermind it not being a fortune.

My sister actually once got the famous: "Help me! I'm being held captive in a Chinese fortune cookie factory"

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I once got a fortune so profound that I taped it to my monitor because I thought it would be beneficial to read it every day.

I was lame.

Grant Miller said...

In bed.

Geo said...

Trader Joe's sells fortune cookies that aren't shaped like fortune cookies and don't have fortunes.

Tasty, tho.

Skylers Dad said...

They should call them "Fortunes wrapped up in shit" because that is what the so called cookie tastes like.

But that doesn't really roll off the tongue, so I guess the marketing team got that one right.

Tenacious S said...

Oh crap! Our Chinese food is about to arrive any minute. I hope I get a real fortune, not just some proverb or other shit. I'll let you know.

Tenacious S said...

Just as I suspected...no fortune. My first cookie told me not to look for happiness, that it is right next to me. The other told me that I am broad-minded and socially active. WTF? I demand a refund!

Distributorcap said...

what happens when you a get fortune cookie (does anyone eat them, they taste like shit) that has no fortune...or advice...or bad proverb...

now that is an omen

Madam Z said...

I got one that said, "As soon as you feel too old to do something, do it!" So I wet my pants.

Madam Z said...

Another time I got one that said,
"You will be very happy and successful in love and in business. Too bad that you're going to get cancer and die young."

Madam Z said...

I just now read your post on "Devangelism." It is awesomely excellent! I agree completely.

I once told a neighbor of mine, who is a Mennonite, that I didn't believe in god. She looked horrified, and asked "Well, do you worship Satan then?" I assured her that I did not, and that I worshipped no one or thing. She could not comprehend that idea.

(I'm sorry to address this subject in your Fortune Cookie post, but the Devangelist comments were soooo looooong.)

may-b said...

"... with your pants down."

I hate the new "fortunes". They are just lame sayings now.

Chris said...

Spooney- They're bad enough. Now the cookie have to be smart-asses?

TLWDL- Admitting it is the first step.

Grant- I can always count on you.

Geo- Interesting. I like that store, but we don't have them here.

S.D.- I favor more truth in advertising like that.

TenS- It's bullshit, right!?

DC- If that happens, be afraid...

Madam Z- I'm glad you liked it. I think there are a lot of us who feel the same way but don't speak up.

May-B- Absolutely. I wonder if it has anything to do with liability, like if they make a wrong prediction, someone might sue.

Zed said...

Fortune cookies just aren't what they used to be. The sayings are ridiculous and they now come in flavors: chocolate, lemon, strawberry. Who ever heard of a strawberry fortune cookie?!

vikkitikkitavi said...

I think the lucky numbers (are we supposed to play the lotto with them?) are what passes for a prediction in fortune cookies these days.

Maybe if the second one had said "Appreciate the caring people around you - or else!"

Writeprocrastinator said...

How can you trust anyway, an allegedly "Chinese" cookie that was invented in America by someone who was Japanese?