Did You Ever Know...

...that you're my gyro?

You're everything I wish I could be.

I could fly higher than an eagle.

You are the cucumber in my tzatziki sauce.

There's Nothing Really Funny About This Post...

First let me say I don't know dick about newer music. I don't know who's hot and who's not. Typically I like hard, fast, jammy-type stuff with some exceptions. I usually have to listen to a song about five times before I can start to fully appreciate it. This is a song I've been listening to a lot lately and I think it's very pretty. I'm not sure how old it is or if it's part of the mainstream. See what you think. It's called "Charlie Darwin" by Low Anthem.

A Note To Dictionary Editors...

The guy I work with is notoriously bad about the proper spelling and pronunciation of certain words. For example, he kept pronouncing "organic" as "organtic" until I corrected him. He also says "thurull" rather than "thorough" (thurully=thoroughly).

Recently he used the word "volumptuous" to describe someone. I informed him that the word is "voluptuous", but after some consideration have decided that "volumptuous" actually sounds better. Therefore, from this day forward, I too shall use "volumptuous" and I suggest all of you do the same. In order to bring along all those who don't yet read this blog (there are a few), I'm recommending that you try and work this word into daily conversation at least 8 times a day. If anyone tries to correct you, first ask them if they live in a cave and then tell them that it has been changed and that they need to get on board.

You see, this is how a grassroots movement works.

A Titan Falls...

For as long as I have kept track, the most frequently-used Google search that brought people to my blog has been "Sandy Duncan's Glass Eye".

Until now.

The mighty eye has been conquered. It was finally surpassed by my new number one, "Cinnamon Toast Crunch". It's at around page 4 on the Google search. I love the title, too. After lots of mundane CTC sites and blog posts, you'll see "Another Fucking Post About Cinnamon Toast Crunch". Apparently there is a hearty appetite for more posts on this subject despite my protestations.

A few less popular searches that caught my eye:

• my boyfriend is having cat sex
• is it ok to use a q tip to clean your nose
• im a guy and im ugly
• how to take a really good shit
• guy has big problem boner
• did maureen mccormick ever butt fuck
  

Ski Report, Week 4...

This weekend was rough. Bitter cold and biting wind made conditions less than ideal. Even so, I was able to get in a few good runs. Saturday I was asked to help out with training some of our prospective members in the fine art of toboggan-handling. We didn't get quite as much air as the guy pictured above, but maybe next time.

I had a few injuries to deal with. One was a burnt thumb, not a very common skiing injury (she had burned it on a wood-burning stove). I also had a visibly fractured lower leg that I tended to. The kid had one of the highest pain thresholds I've seen considering the deformity of his leg. I think the ambulance came a couple of times for other things I wasn't involved with.

My best run came while listening to Led Zeppelin's "Hot Dog" which I present for your listening pleasure:

Dear Cat...

I just wanted to thank you for targeting my apres-skiing slippers with your puke attack. You're a prince!

Sincerely,
Some Guy

You Don't Hear Much About Waterbeds Anymore...

At least I don't.

Seems like when I was growing up you couldn't go five feet without someone trying to sell you a waterbed. Retailers were abundant. Hell, I had one when I was in high school. I liked it. You could adjust the heat which was nice. Mine wasn't super-wavy either, so sea-sickness wasn't a problem.

Maybe it's just because I live in a more rural area now. Do any of you have a waterbed? Do you sense that waterbeds are a dying breed or is the industry alive and well?

Someone Who Is Intellectually Curious Lives Here Now...

I sincerely hope he has the guts to do what's right,
what's fair,
what's compassionate;
what's smart,
what's better.

BREAKING NEWS!...

Unnamed sources within the White House
are confirming reports that George W. Bush,
as anticipated, left a floater in the presidential toilet
as his last act of official business.

Go On Now, GIT!...

Time for you to go.



Asshole.

I feel kinda like a kid on Christmas morning, only in this case I'm excited at what's NOT going to be under the tree.

Another Example Of Failed Marketing...

You know, I've never had Toffifay candy. I always see it sitting there at the supermarket check-out and I wonder who ever buys it. I assume it's been languishing on the shelf since the 1970s. My reluctance to try it may be due to the fact that I'm still a little put off by the commercials they used to run when I was younger. The gist was that Toffifay was an adult candy that was "too good for kids." As a kid, whenever I saw it I'd think, "Fine. Fuck you and your snooty-ass candy. I'll get a Whatchamacallit instead." I can only imagine the billions in revenue they lost as a result of this ill-conceived ad campaign.

An Interview With Documentary Filmmaker Melody Gilbert...

When I get the chance, I like to interview documentary filmmakers. I like to do whatever I can to promote their films. Melody Gilbert of St. Paul, Minnesota has made two films I have seen and a number of other films I intend to see. She made a film called "Whole" which I talked about HERE. She also made "A Life Without Pain" about people dealing with a rare medical condition which prevents them from feeling any pain. Her most recent film was about "Urban Explorers", adventure-seekers who explore sewers, abandoned buildings, and other forbidden places. You can read more about her other projects HERE. Answers appear in pink.

1. I'm always interested in how people get their start in documentary
filmmaking. I understand that you started out in TV news, but felt
limited in terms of the time you could spend on any one subject. Can
you remember when you first sensed that you had an interest in
television news and film? What has been the best part of making the
switch, besides having more time to devote to your stories? Is there
stuff you miss about working in TV news?

When I was in high school, I was a producer and host of our school TV show. I fancied myself some kind of Barbara Walters, asking probing questions and getting people to tell me their deepest secrets. In college, I gave up that idea and got a degree in sociology and French. After graduation, I got some random jobs with TV talk shows and magazine-style TV shows. Then I got a job as a news writer in New York. Ultimately, I did everything in the news biz from reporting to producing to editing. I really enjoyed investigative reporting and arts reporting (both good training for making documentaries). I was even a news anchor for a while. But I got frustrated by the equipment (too much of it on shoots, which caused people to freeze up) and time constraints. Whenever I could, I took on longer-form reporting/producing assignments, which eventually led me to do “special projects” at various TV stations. I did everything from 6 minute mini-documentaries for newscasts to one hour specials about important topics. That’s how I learned to make documentaries. I never went to film school. That was too artsy for me because I was a journalist.

There are two things I miss about TV news: deadlines and the paycheck.

2. It seems many of your films focus on small, obscure groups of people within our society - people you don't often hear much about.
I'm curious about the process involved in selecting the topics for
your films. For example, in the case of "Whole", what inspired you to
make a film about people who feel like they should be amputees? Why
do you want us to know about the people in your films?

It works like this: I hear about something that I find really interesting and then I go find out about it. The fact that the subjects of many of my films are “outsiders” is probably because I find those types of people (or subjects) really interesting. I simply have to know why anyone would want to become an amputee. I want to understand and see what it’s like living without pain (A LIFE WITHOUT PAIN). I’m curious about people who risk their lives to go “urban exploring” (URBAN EXPLORERS: INTO THE DARKNESS). And why would anyone want to get married at a shopping mall (MARRIED AT THE MALL). I just want to understand what it’s like to walk in their shoes, even for a little while.

3. I think many people would find getting married at a mall a little
strange (Not me, mind you. I've seen too many docs to be fazed by
much.) Did you have any preconceptions before making the film? What
surprised you most about the people who do this?

Yes, I thought anyone who would get married at a mall would be tacky. They weren’t. They were lovely.

4. "A Life Without Pain" is a film about children with a genetic
defect that prevents them from feeling pain. One of the things I
liked most about the film was that you struck a balance in covering
the afflicted child as well as the other family members who are
affected in their own ways. How do you go about approaching families
with your film idea? Are there specific things that you do to
establish trust between yourself and your subjects?

I am often asked how I “get” people to open up to me. Well, honestly I am just really interested in what they have to say and I think they can sense that. And because I’m an independent filmmaker and not a journalist, I am not under time constraints (I just keep going until the story is done) and I am also not obligated to tell both sides of any story.
I just let the story tell itself. After so many years in the news business, it’s a pleasure to be free of those constraints.

The families featured in A LIFE WITHOUT PAIN were reluctant at first, but when they saw it was just me (I do most of the shooting myself) just hanging around with my little camera, they quickly realized that I wasn’t going to be intrusive and I think that really helps. They kind of forgot about me after a while.

5. I haven't seen "Urban Explorers" yet, but definitely will when
it's available. I'd imagine you have plenty of stories after making a
film like that. Were you even in a place that especially freaked you
out?

First of all, URBAN EXPLORERS: INTO THE DARKNESS is available for purchase through my website (http://www.frozenfeetfilms.com). I am self-distributing this movie, so that’s why it’s not available anywhere else (at least right now).

I loved making URBAN EXPLORERS. It was so fun to go around the world meeting these adventurous and creative folks. I think the place that freaked me out the most was probably in the catacombs of Paris (underground tombs). It wasn’t the bones. It was the fact that I could get lost down there with a bunch of people I didn’t know and I was worried I’d never find my way out. It’s happened before that people have wandered around the tunnels disoriented for days.

6. Often times I feel like there's a false perception that
documentary films are super-serious or depressing or even boring.
It's sad, because there are so many great docs that I think people are
missing out on. Every once in a while one breaks out, but for the
most part, it is up to the moviegoer to seek them out. Is there
anything that could be done to better promote documentary film and
attract larger audiences, or do you think it will always cater to a
niche and remain sort of "underground"?

I think documentaries are more mainstream than they’ve ever been. With docs by Michael Moore (he can be very funny) and films like “Mad Hot Ballroom” and “Spellbound” in theaters, there are more entertaining documentaries that are not as serious as in the past. And people are watching them. That’s good for all of us indie filmmakers.

7. Do you get a chance to watch many documentary films? Are there
any you've seen lately you've liked? Are there other films or
filmmakers that you admire or whose work has inspired you? Also,
whenever I talk to artistic-types, I'm curious about what other sorts
of stuff they're into: music, books, hobbies, etc.

I watch docs all the time. Some of my favorites:
DARK DAYS, TREMBLING BEFORE G-D, JESUS CAMP, AMERICAN MOVIE, GREY GARDENS & A CERTAIN KIND OF DEATH. Most recently, I watched MAN ON WIRE. I really enjoyed it, except for the reenactments. But there was probably no way around doing that.

Other hobbies: Theater, good books, strong coffee , travel, teaching and spicy food.
I also enjoy cross- country skiing and walking my dog at night.

Thanks, Melody!

No More Talky...

Now that Dubya has said his last goodbye, the only time I want to hear his stupid voice ever again is in front of a jury testifying about the cavalcade of shit he has wrought upon this country. I missed much of his speech because I was too busy screaming at the TV. He was the King Midas of presidents, except everything this guy touched turned to poo.

Uncut Commercials...

Some of you may remember the commercial for "Operation", the wacky doctor game. It featured some young kids sitting around a table engaged in a spirited round of faux organ removal. Most of you are probably not aware that it was not aired in its entirety. The following is some original dialogue (in white) and recently unearthed dialogue that was cut out (in pink):

Contestant #1: (Reading card) Take out his spare ribs for $100!
Contestant #2: You'll never do that!
Announcer: It takes a very steady hand...
Contestant #3: Don't touch the sides!
Game: Bzzzzzzzzzz!
Contestants #2 & #3: Butterfinger!
Contestant #1: What the fuck did you just call me?
Contestant #2: Huh?
Contestant #1: I said, "What the fuck did you just call me?".
Contestant #3: Dude, relax. We're just giving you shit.
Contestant #2: Yeah, man. It's just a game.
Contestant #1: No, I'm fucking sick of this! Every time we play this
stupid game, you two gotta bust my balls and it pisses me off!
Contestant #3: (to #2) Jesus! What a fucking baby!
Contestant #2: Yeah, whatcha gonna do? Tell mom?
Contestant #1: Maybe I will, dickhead. Maybe I'll tell her how
you've been growing weed behind the garage.
Contestant #2: I swear to god, Jimmy. Do it and die.
Announcer: Why don't you losers all get back to playing the game.
C'mon. Who's next? Do the funny bone.
Contestant #2: Hey, stay out of this, asshole. It doesn't concern you.
Announcer: Operation. A Milton-Bradley game.

Defrosting...

Sorry about my lack of posts and comments lately. I went out to the mailbox on Monday and just finished thawing out a few minutes ago. I'm going to have to start sharing these snotsicles with our neighbors because right now our freezer is packed to the gills with them.

Ski Report, Week 3...

Just call me helmet.

I got a ski helmet as a Christmas gift. Up until now, I had never worn one for skiing. More and more skiers are wearing them these days. Although the guy above is an exception, there is NO way to look cool wearing any kind of helmet. But, as I learned this weekend, a helmet has two advantages. For one, they're warm. It was about four degrees Saturday morning and I was nice and toasty. The one I got also has speakers in the earflaps so I can listen to my iPod more easily.

The weekend was near perfect. After the holidays the crowds die down a bit. I had no accidents to work on either day. Despite the early cold, the sun was out both days! That is a rarity, especially in January. The snow was in great shape as well.

There are certain songs that lend themselves to different types of ski runs. I tend to like up-tempo stuff that I can bounce down the hill to. One of my best runs was during a Booker T & The MGs song called "Soul Limbo". It's a groove and if you want to listen to it, fast forward this YouTube video to 3:16.

I was glad to get another great weekend of skiing in before the weather turns to shit. Here is the extended forecast for up by me. I know to some of you north of me, this is nothing, but for around here, this is not a trend you look forward to:

Bundt Cake...

I'm sorry,
but when you say "bundt cake",
I hear "butt cake".

It's sort of butt-like.
It's round and
it has a sphincteral
hole in the middle.

Now, who wants some bundt cake!?

My Pal Zibbs...

I came across this really obscure blog
recently that no one's ever heard of
and it kinda made me laugh.

Well, it's the guy's birthday and he's
feeling lonely because nobody ever
reads his stuff or leaves him comments.

Do him a favor and show him you care.

I think it's called This Green Water Buffalo
or something.

Documentary Film Of The Day: Young @ Heart...

It takes a lot to make me tear up while watching a movie, but Young @ Heart brought me to the brink. It follows a choral group from New England in which the average member age is 80. They are unique in that they sing rock songs by groups like The Ramones, Sonic Youth, and Hendrix to name a few. A lot of the movie is lighthearted, especially when the members are given new, complicated songs to learn. It's heartwarming to see people at the ends of their lives having so much fun and bringing joy to the people who watch them perform. It does it with out being saccharine.

Netflix it HERE.

Great Moments In Toothpaste...

Something You Don't Know About Me...

I'm modest.
I mean, I am really fucking modest!
Seriously, I can't think of anyone
who's more modest than I am.

Say there was competition to find the
most modest person in the world.
I'd win that shit hands down
in like two fucking seconds.

So, anyone delusional enough to believe
they're more modest than me needs
to step the hell up and say it to my face.
One thing though, don't be crying because
you're mommy isn't there to comfort you
when you get a heaping helping of my modesty
- served fresh -
right in your fucking piehole!

Scar Update...

It's been over a month
and my smiley-face scar
is still quite visible.

You Know You've Made It...

...when there are people on T.V.
talking about the status of your groin.

Interesting Some Guy's Blog factoid: Since the birth of this blog in June 2006, the word "groin" has only appeared twice - on this post and on one of my earliest posts, a post about Ann Coulter.

Show Of Hands...

Who wants to ditch this lame-ass parachute and go
outside and let the air out of the principal's tires instead?

Do You Clap After Movies?...

You do?

Why?

Unless you're at a screening at
Cannes or Sundance
or some other venue
where the cast and/or crew
are actually in the audience,
what's the point?
Who are you clapping for?
The projectionist?
Perhaps you're clapping for the kid
behind you who went two hours
without kicking your seat.
I suppose that's applause-worthy.

I like to imagine that the people clapping
are just guys out on dates who
are excited because they pulled the old
"wiener through a hole in the bottom
of popcorn bucket" trick
and she fell for it.

I'm Ugly...

Those of you who follow the yearly blogging awards like I do (the red carpets arrival shows on E! are my favorites!) know that this blog recently walked away with two Drysdale Awards. The first was for Most Baby Pictures. They might as well engrave my name on next year's trophy for this fucker, because I plan on posting a shitload of baby pictures in the following year in order to retain my title.

My other award was for Ugliest Blog. This one made me sad. You know, you shouldn't judge a blog based on physical appearance. It's what's on the inside that counts (in my case, toilets and snot). I mean, each blog is special in it's own way. Even though my blog is the aesthetic equivalent of this guy doesn't mean it has nothing to offer. You wait and see, once this blog gets older and matures - maybe bulks up a little and loses the acne - it is going to be linked to ALL the prettiest blogs.

So, in the meantime I recommend drinking large quantities of alcohol before visiting here. It helps induce a phenomenon know as "blog-goggles" and will make looking at it a lot easier on the eyes.