Something You Don't Know About Me...

I'm modest.
I mean, I am really fucking modest!
Seriously, I can't think of anyone
who's more modest than I am.

Say there was competition to find the
most modest person in the world.
I'd win that shit hands down
in like two fucking seconds.

So, anyone delusional enough to believe
they're more modest than me needs
to step the hell up and say it to my face.
One thing though, don't be crying because
you're mommy isn't there to comfort you
when you get a heaping helping of my modesty
- served fresh -
right in your fucking piehole!


Flannery Alden said...

I used to live on Modesty Street. The farther down Modesty Street you lived, the more modest you were. I lived at the farthest end of Modest Street, in the farthest bedroom, and I slept with my feet hanging out of the window...that's how effing modest I am.

Bill Stankus said...

How modest are you? Do you wear a jock strap and cup 24/7? A keffiyeh? A Muumuu?
How about Roy Orbison sunglasses?

SkylersDad said...

I will gladly back you up on this Some Guy, you are truly the most modest person out there. And, you smell like poop.

Morgan the Muse said...

I shall have to keep that in mind in case I ever ask you to politely prove your point. :D

Mnmom said...

OK, you win, don't hurt me!

Cora said...

Got it. You're modest. Whatever. But, dammit, when it comes to humbleness, you can't touch ME. No-one can. My humbleness is soooooo freaking huge you can see it from space!! Like Tiger Woods teeth! Like Oprah's ego! So there.

Greg said...

I was just about to seriously say all of that. You are also wise.

Bubs said...

I don't know. Splotchy is pretty damn modest.

raf said...

I'm really sorry to disappoint you, but you'll have to share the 1 prize with Raf.
Who's typing right now is her cat, Raf is too modest to write it herself..meoww!

Gwen said...

Does modest pie taste anything like humble pie? Because I loves me some humble pie. With ice cream and sprinkles.

anne altman said...

do you shower in a bathing suit though? i do.

Madam Z said...

By claiming to be so uber-modest, you are implying that you have something to be modest about! That is terribly immodest of you.