7/09/2009

This Is One Of Those Posts Where The Picture Has Nothing To Do With The Text...

Occasionally I have a hard time finding a picture that captures what I'm trying to convey, but I still always like to include one with every post. In this case, I'm using one that Skyler's Dad sent me a while ago. He saw it and thought of me. I love it when people send me random shit like this. I can't guarantee it'll always end up on the blog, but you never know.

What I wanted to talk about was our new neighbors. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting them yet, but thanks to the fact that they spend a lot of time outside speaking loudly, I've learned a few things about them.
  1. As far as I can tell, his name is "Fuck You!" and her name is "No, Fuck YOU!"
  2. He is either allergic to belts or is extremely proud of his underwear and wants to display his pride for all the world to see.
  3. She has people she can call at a moment's notice to pick up Mountain Dew, Marlboro Light 100s, and diapers that will swing by and drop them off for her.
  4. His favorite pastimes appear to be pacing around his driveway, talking on his cell phone, and scratching his balls.
  5. They are not afraid to steal their neighbor's firewood.
  6. He has been heard on multiple occasions screaming "Wa-HOO!" during sexual intercourse.

21 comments:

Flannery Alden said...

Sounds pretty high brow! Mountain Dew AND Marlboro lights! Impressive.

Gwen said...

I like this picture for your post.

What I don't like are your new neighbors.

Bill Stankus said...

Why are they called "lights"? Do they light themselves?

Maybe the guy's a driveway concrete inspector and he's studying.

If firewood is outside a house, isn't that a sign that's free?

So, where do you park your double wide?

SkylersDad said...

I should meet the guy, we share the same love of ball scratching. Glad you liked the picture SG!

Whiskeymarie said...

Sounds like they're pretty fancy- what with having a personal assistant to run errands for you and buying brand name cigarettes and all.

Dr Zibbs said...

I think I know you well enough from reading your blog that I would have guessed in a second that you'd like that photo.

Some Guy said...

Gwen- Perfect!

Cooper Green said...

Maybe Wahoo is their dog's name.

Carolyn said...

ROFLMAO. I'd feel sorta sorry for you, but the visuals have me laughing to hard.

Mnmom said...

Ours just like to smoke, a LOT, a make their pomeranians bark at all hours.

I've never seen mass neti pot usage. I can always trust you to bring me something new.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

That's odd...I thought you lived up in Michigan...not on the other side of my neighbors...

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Great! Shitty neighbors. Good Luck!


- Jennifer

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Well if there was ever a wa-HOO moment that would be it I guess. Probably he's celebrating that someone let him do it.

I've never met our neighbours but the guy sounds like he's 90 years old and has been chain smoking from every orifice for about 89 of them. You can hear his nasty cough right through the wall. And he appears to throw pans around. One day I saw him leaving his apartment and he was actually only in his 30s. I was so surprised I almost thought it was a Candid Camera moment.

I have an urge to kick your neighbours right in the waHOO area.

The Peach Tart said...

bless your heart

kirby said...

While I feel your pain, I'm looking forward to surveillance photos and videos of your new neighbors.

Cora said...

The day my neighbor moved in he mooned me and my little girl. On purpose.

That was five years ago. We have never spoken. Thank God.

Cormac Brown said...

"His favorite pastimes appear to be pacing around his driveway, talking on his cell phone, and scratching his balls. He has been heard on multiple occasions screaming "Wa-HOO!" during sexual intercourse."

Wha?

We're neighbors now?

How did this happen, did you move to California and not tell me?

Jay Ferris said...

If only it were as easy to get rid of bad neighbors as it is to evacuate boogies.

joe said...

Hahahahahahaha what the hell are those chicks doing?????

bubbles said...

I'm with Kirby - I smell a webcam!

bubbles said...

Hey, that comment links the post with the picture!