What I wanted to talk about was our new neighbors. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting them yet, but thanks to the fact that they spend a lot of time outside speaking loudly, I've learned a few things about them.
- As far as I can tell, his name is "Fuck You!" and her name is "No, Fuck YOU!"
- He is either allergic to belts or is extremely proud of his underwear and wants to display his pride for all the world to see.
- She has people she can call at a moment's notice to pick up Mountain Dew, Marlboro Light 100s, and diapers that will swing by and drop them off for her.
- His favorite pastimes appear to be pacing around his driveway, talking on his cell phone, and scratching his balls.
- They are not afraid to steal their neighbor's firewood.
- He has been heard on multiple occasions screaming "Wa-HOO!" during sexual intercourse.