My New Million-$ Idea...

Blogger trading cards.

Come on, people! It can't miss!

I've heard there are certain baseball cards worth like 73 million dollars! Even if mine sold for 1/73 of that, I'd still be a millionaire! Here's the plan:
  1. Everyone make their own personalized trading card HERE. Be creative. If you can find a cooler trading card generator online, use it. I didn't have a lot of time to go searching for the best one like some of you nerds.
  2. Post your trading card on your blog.
  3. Print out maybe twenty of them on decent card stock. Trade ten of them with your favorite bloggers (I can hear it now. "I'll trade you two Grant Millers for a Dick Small!") and keep the other ten for yourself. Keep those remaining ten in a secure, dry place. These will be your meal ticket some day.
  4. Wait fifty years.
Now, after fifty years, the fact that there are such limited quantities of these cards will excite collectors like you wouldn't believe! It won't matter that they don't know who the fuck any of us are. All they care about is how rare the card is. Cha-ching! (That's the sound a cash register makes when it opens so that we can put all our money into it!)

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that if we post our trading cards on our blogs, any schmuck with a printer could reproduce thousands of them, thus reducing their value. I've considered this, but decided that it shouldn't be a problem since most people are lazy. Believe me, I've thought of everything.

I'm telling you right now. Cash in your 401Ks and your IRAs, everyone. You won't need them. This is your new retirement plan. Here's mine:


SkylersDad said...


Away to the bat-cave Robin, where I keep my secret card generator!

Splotchy said...

I think it's a great idea, but I want the ability to fight other bloggers Pokémon-style.

I'm going to list my special abilities and weaknesses on my card.

Leonesse said...

How fortuitous this post is. I was just sitting here trying to find a way to become wealthy (read my post if you think I'm lying) and lo and behold THIS!?

You are pure genius and also psychotic er... psychic. You need to add this to your card.

Dr Zibbs said...

You are brilliant but I'm going to throw an offer out there. With a starting trade of 4 Falwless's, 18 Riders Block, 12 McGone's, 2 Gwens, 3 Jen's, and 6 Whiskey Marie's, I'll let that person VIEW my card, which will be kept under glass from a distance of 5 feet for 3 minutes. Let the bidding war begin.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I'll trade you five Sammy Sosa cards for one Some Guy card.

Falwless said...

I haven't been to your blog in like three days. I usually come here every single day 81 times a day.

Don't worry, I have now repented and everything is back to normal.

(P.S. I still have yet to view your video below this post. Can't wait!)

This idea is effing brilliant, dude. Seriously. Seriously. Seriously. I'm being serious. I should make my card.

GETkristiLOVE said...

You still make that face, btw.

Distributorcap said...

no matter where i store them my mother will throw them out. just like she did to willie mays and roger maris

Micgar said...

I like this idea! hey I really like your card!

Grant Miller said...

Can't beat "cunt-ass peehole." You really can't.