3/29/2009

Finally There's Something That Will Allow Me To Smoke The Way I Want To Smoke...

I've never been a cigarette smoker. Sure, like most people, I've tried them on occasion. I've just never gotten hooked. The problem for me was never the associated health risks. Quite the contrary. My problem was that one cigarette at a time never provided me with enough of the smooth, rich flavor my body required. I tried "doubling up" a few times - placing two loose cigarettes in my mouth at once - but it proved unwieldy and lacked a certain refined elegance. Now it seems my problem may be solved with the discovery of this antique brass twin-barreled filter tip. My only concern now is that two barrels may not be sufficient. If anyone should stumble across a quad-barrel (or higher) during your internet travels, please bring it to my attention. I'd appreciate it.

14 comments:

Bill Stankus said...

Oh wow! My dad was a heavy smoker - it took a chisel and fire hose to clean the inside of car windows he had driven ... with your new smoking toy he would have died at 40 instead of 65.

I say give all smokers a nice Xmas present - a brass quad holder would be ideal.

Scope said...

I would think anything over 5, arranged in an "X" wold be where you max out. After that, I would think the diminished lung power from the smoking would keep you from being able to draw the air thru that many cigarettes.

SkylersDad said...

"refined elegance" and smoking should probably never be used in the same sentence.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Hmmmm...suddenly, I think the gatling gun approach would work. With a handle so you can spin it and just get it to revolve around in a carcinogenic circle of nicotine and tar. Mmmmm...good eats!

Scope said...

Oh, maybe shape it like the starship Enterprise and have the cigarettes go into the nacels!

That would be out of this works.

Gwen said...

Looks like a ketchup bottle with legs. Legs that are on fire.

BeckEye said...

Ever try sucking on your tailpipe? That's good stuff.

Cap'n Ergo "XL" Jinglebollocks said...

FOUND IT!!

Cora said...

Okay, right now I'm imagining you like the Supersize Me guy with all the fries in his mouth, only you've got like 50 cigarettes jammed in there. Would THAT be enough to satisfy you?! (blah)

Cora said...

Oh God! I just clicked on the Cap'n's link! Too funny!

anne altman said...

are you kdding me that thing looks delicious and i'd be all over it if i still smoked.

cigs.

Greta said...

Try sticking two more in your nostrils. Now that's hard to do.

Amy said...

Chris... c'mon. Haven't you seen those cartoons where they smoke a whole pack of cigarettes? THEY never have a problem with them being unwieldy or elegant... why should you? Just deal with it and stop being such a pussy.

Miss Alex said...

The filth stink factor of this is HUGE ...